Category: Dance (Page 23 of 26)

I love you so much, I hate myself: Songs that bare their souls…and freak us out

Songs that bare their souls and freak us out

Most men hate Valentine’s Day, but we at Bullz-Eye actually love it, though for different reasons than you might suspect. The majority of us are either happily married or in long-term relationships (except for our fearless, terminally single leader), so Valentine’s Day is a sweet reminder of how happy we are that we’re no longer playing the dating game. (It’s fun when you’re young, guys, but trust us, you won’t miss it.) But the real reason we love Valentine’s Day is because it gives us an opportunity to make fun of songs that pretend to be heartfelt, but are really just sad. And we don’t mean “Brian’s Song” sad. We mean Milhouse Van Houten sad.

It all started with a Coldplay song. As we’re tapping along with the drums, we put the lyrics under a microscope and thought, “Did he really just say that? That’s pathetic!” From there, we began analyzing other songs that appeared to be sweet, honest confessions of love on the surface, but were just sorry cries for help in disguise or, worse, disturbing preludes to what a defense attorney would call “crimes of passion.”

We have broken our subjects down into three categories: stalker anthems, love songs for the spineless, and murder ballads, the last of which are mostly minus the ballad. Our research uncovered dozens upon dozens of songs that fit one bill or another, but for the sake of time and space, we’re whittling the list down to our favorites (all apologies to Elton John’s “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word”). And, as a public service, we have provided musical antidotes for every song we dissect, in case anyone is overwhelmed with a case of the willies. Perhaps the most disturbing thing we uncovered is that one of the more sinister repeat offenders was…Barenaked Ladies? You better believe it.

Now I’m following you: Songs that profess a more “dedicated” kind of love
There are certain songs that love you. Like, really, really love you. Wait for you at the elevator love you. Watch through your window as you sleep love you. Whether you love them back is irrelevant – you were made for them, and it’s only a matter of time before you accept this to be true.

Song/Artist: “It’s No Good,” Depeche Mode
Incriminating Lyric: “The gods decree, you’ll be right here by my side / Right next to me / You can run but you cannot hide.”
Creep Factor: Low. Dave Gahan ranks just behind Jarvis Cocker on the list of least intimidating rock stars.
Musical Antidote: “You’re No Good,” Linda Ronstadt

Song/Artist: “Number One Crush,” Garbage
Incriminating Lyric: “You will believe in me / And I will never be ignored.”
Creep Factor: Admittedly, the lyric sheet reads like a diary entry written by Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction,” but if you have a thing for sulky redheads in raccoon eye makeup – as many of us clearly did in the ’90s – the song is really sort of adorable.
Musical Antidote: “Puppy Love,” Paul Anka

Song/Artist: “Obsession,” Animotion
Incriminating Lyric: “I will have you, yes I will have you / I will find a way, and I will have you / Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly / I will collect you and capture you.”
Creep Factor: Too turned on to be creeped out. Keep in mind that one of the next lines is “Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?” so if we’re just talking about casual sex, wouldn’t you rather it be with someone who’s a little nuts and willing to role play? You bet your ass you would.
Musical Antidote: “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off,” Jermaine Stewart

Song/Artist: “I Will Possess Your Heart,” Death Cab for Cutie
Incriminating Lyric: “You reject my advances and desperate pleas / I won’t let you let me down so easily.”
Creep Factor: Holy shit. Most of the time, Ben Gibbard sounds like a harmless nerd, but with this song, he let us know that he’s just as capable of making us wonder if we should call the cops.
Musical Antidote: “Let’s Be Friends,” New Edition

To read the rest of Songs That Bare Their Souls and Freak Us Out, click here.

Your favorite band sucks: bands and artists the Bullz-Eye music writers just “don’t get”

Every music lover has been there – in front of the television or a set of speakers, listening for the first time to the work of a critically revered artist whose songs are supposed to change the way you look at the world…only to come away wondering what all the hype was about. For the iconoclastic among us, these moments are opportunities to prove what independent thinkers we are; for everyone else – a group that often appears to include virtually every name-brand music critic on the planet – they’re opportunities to turn off your ears, nod your head, and smile. What kind of self-respecting music writer doesn’t love the music of Bruce Springsteen? U2? Elvis Costello? A total hack, right?

Your favorite band sucks Maybe. Or maybe we tend to forget that one of the most wonderful things about art is the utterly objective way we respond to it. One establishment’s treasure can be one lonely listener’s source of constant befuddlement, consternation or outright rage – and with that in mind, your Bullz-Eye Music staff put its heads together and drew up a list of all the bands and artists we’re supposed to love…but don’t. Each of the writers who contributed to this piece is speaking solely for himself, and you’re sure to disagree with some of the names mentioned here – and, of course, that’s sort of the point. But enough of our introductory babble – let’s break down some critical idols!

The Doors
“…don’t even think about describing their sound as “timeless”; you’ll be hard pressed to find music as trapped in time as these peyote-fueled dirges, and no one summed up the life and legacy of Jim Morrison – whose death was as brilliant a career move as you’ll ever see – better than Denis Leary: ‘I’m drunk, I’m nobody. I’m drunk, I’m famous. I’m drunk, I’m fucking dead.'”

Bruce Springsteen
“Perhaps Jello Biafra put it best when he referred to Bruce Springsteen as ‘Bob Dylan for jocks.’ But I can sum up what I dislike about the majority of the Boss in one word: Glockenspiel.”

Pink Floyd
“If you’re 14 and discovering pot, Pink Floyd’s a must. Hell, Dark Side of the Moon is practically a gateway drug in and of itself. If you’re out of high school and still into ’em, you’ve got a problem.”

Conor Oberst
“…his songs are duller than a steak knife in a prison cafeteria. I’ve tried repeatedly to ‘get’ Oberst’s work, but each time, I come away further convinced that his music is an elaborate prank hatched by the editors of Pitchfork.”

To read the rest of the bands Bullz-Eye doesn’t get, click here.

Paul Van Dyk: Hands On In Between

Paul Van Dyk has been releasing music since the early ’90s, and in the world of electronic music that’s a very long time. He’s a trance pioneer, but if his 2007 album In Between was any indication, he’s getting a little tired of the genre. This was his most non-trance album to date, embracing house, techno and even some pop-friendly dance music into the mix thanks to guest appearance by Pussycat Doll Jessica Sutta. If you thought that the departure from trance was a mistake for Van Dyk, then you’ll probably eat up Hands On In Between, a remix album that trances up the original in a big way, with mixed results. Trance is in its very nature a droning and repetitive genre, and that’s not helped here by the fact that multiple songs are remixed multiple times, while others tracks from the original In Between are left off entirely. Why include two remixes of “New York City” but none of the far superior “Sabotage”? Even more maddening is the snub of “Fall with Me,” the David Byrne-featured track that served as a perfect closer to the original album. It’s a scientific fact that David Byrne makes everything better, so why he was needlessly cut out here is insane. But even though Hands On In Between is Byrne-less, it should still satisfy the fans of Paul Van Dyk, even if they were lukewarm on the original version. (Mute Records)

Paul Van Dyk MySpace Page

Bullz-Eye’s Favorite Albums of 2008: Staff Writer Carlos Ramirez’s picks

Musically speaking, 2008 was all about nostalgia for me. Not only did my all-time favorite album get the reissue treatment, largely-forgotten genres like synth-pop and power-pop crept their way back onto my playlists. So in that spirit, I’ve compiled a year-end list with my top choices in 10 separate categories. Now if 2009 could only bring back hair-metal, I’d be A-okay.

Best Metal Album

Scar Symmetry: Holographic Universe
As out-of-control great as Scar Symmetry’s songwriting and musicianship proves to be on Holographic Universe, the jewel in their crown is without question vocalist Christian Alvestam. His death-metal vocal attack is an absolute force to be reckoned with. Its deep tonality and razorblade-kissed harshness drives the heavier sections with brute force. But what really makes Alvestam’s appearance a revelation are his cleaner vocals. It’s the kind of powerhouse voice that is usually reserved for AOR bands like Survivor, Toto, and Journey; not in a Swedish death-metal band. It definitely doesn’t sound like a great idea on paper, but when you hear the mixture of his melodic crooning and piercing guitars coming out of your speakers, your doubts swiftly fall by the wayside. Alvestam’s performance on the album is nothing less than a tour-de-force that should get praise from both the heavy metal and more mainstream hard rock/AOR communities.

Best Synth-Pop Album

The Foxglove Hunt: Stop Heartbeat
If you’re as devout a synth-pop fan as I am, you’ll know about the lack of quality groups releasing records these days. Throughout the late 1980s, it seemed like every major and indie label had at least two or three synth-pop acts on their rosters. Outside of die-hards like Depeche Mode and a handful of other groups (on the A Different Drum label), the genre has been relatively quiet. The Foxglove Hunt is comprised of Ronnie Martin (Joy Electric, The Brothers Martin) and Rob Withem (ex-Fine China) and the duo’s list of influences reads like a KROQ playlist from 1987. The dramatic Giorgio Moroder-styled keyboard melodies and Neil Tennant-worthy vocal performances make Stop Heartbeat feel like it comes from an entirely different era. “The Life Highrise” could have been on Dare while the fluid bass lines on “That’s Getting Personal” have Peter Hook written all over them. From start to finish Martin and Withem get it right. Even when they take on the Psychedelic Furs’ haunting “Love My Way,” the duo hits the mark.

Best Comeback Album

Mudcrutch: Mudcrutch
After releasing an unsuccessful single in the mid-’70s, Florida jangle-rockers Mudcrutch went their separate ways. This, of course, wouldn’t be more than a mere footnote in the annals of rock-n-roll if the band’s singer/bassist wasn’t none other than a young Tom Petty. Now we all know how things turned out for Petty and his fellow Mudcrutch guitarist Mike Campbell, but most of us had only read about their former band’s work through the years. When it was announced that the Gainesville, FL rockers were reuniting for an album and tour, record geeks waited with bated breath. Mudcrutch didn’t disappoint. Reflecting the band’s love of southern and country-rock, the record is filled with ample amounts of lush vocal harmonies and twangy guitars. If the band would have released “Scare Easy” back when they were originally together, there might have never been the Heartbreakers.

Best British Album

Elbow: The Seldom Seen Kid
Elbow’s first three albums were all top 10 list contenders in the years they were released. But The Seldom Seen Kid is “album of the year” material from top to bottom. For one second just picture Peter Gabriel fronting Radiohead and you’ll have a good idea of what this British quintet is going for. Like the Gabrial in his Genesis days, vocalist Guy Garvey’s lyrical muse is suburban England. The songwriter shines a light on the every day tedium of life in the burbs on songs like “The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver” and “Grounds for Divorce” proving his work here is worthy to all the hype it’s been showered with lately. In “One Day Like This,” Garvey and Elbow have the song that Chris Martin wishes he wrote for Viva La Vida.

Best Undiscovered Album

Gentleman Jesse & His Men: Gentleman Jesse & His Men
There’s something magical about the sound of a Rickenbacker busting out an open A chord. This 12-track collection of energetic power-pop is bursting with bubblegum sweet vocal hooks and the kind of guitars Chris Stamey and Tommy Keene championed back in their heydays. GJ & HM have every power-pop trick mastered, but everything is funneled through with garage-rock charm. Unlike the Raspberries, who had the majestic flair of Eric Carmen, the Georgia band’s rough and tumble performances instantly makes them attainable to the lo-fi and punk crowds. This stuff is strictly for fans of the Replacements, Big Star, and the Exploding Hearts.

Best Indie-Rock Album

The Mary Onettes: The Mary Onettes
From the look of my list this year, it seems like everything that was old is new again. Maybe it’s because I’m in my mid-30’s now or perhaps it’s a genuine disconnect with the palette a lot of newer bands are working off of, 2008 had me falling for the albums that looked backwards in terms of musical style. Sweden’s Mary Onettes must feel the same way I do lately. The glistening guitars, ringing bass runs, and melancholic choruses wouldn’t have sounded out of place on the soundtrack to a John Hughes film. Philip Ekstrom’s vocals quake and quiver on earwigs like “Pleasure Songs” and the completely addicting “Lost” making him a frontman to keep an eye on. Hopefully the band can find a label with a stronger presence in the States because I have a feeling these lads would be huge if more people had a chance to hear their hooky guitar-pop, they’d be huge.

Best Punk Album

Dillinger Four: Civil War
Dillinger Four are one of the few bands that most punk fans can agree on. The more fickle traditionalists go absolutely gaga for the Minnesota act’s streamlined and high-energy approach. But even listeners who take their punk with two helpings of melody in it adore D4’s hooky choruses. The road that led to the release of Civil War was a bumpy one. The album was mired by studio delays, day-job hassles, and even an internet leak. But boy, was it worth the wait. The filthy power-chords that kick off opening track “A Jingle for the Product” gets your blood boiling and it’s all butt-kicking from there on. Erik Funk’s vocals never sounded as snotty. His singing style embodies the same rebel spirit that made punk icons like Howard Devoto (Buzzcocks) and Milo Aukerman (Descendents) so irresistible to listen to so many years back. In Lane Pederson the combo have one of the more exciting, tough-as-nails drummers going today. His relentless attack anchors fast-movers like “Like Eye Contact In An Elevator” perfectly while he holds back just enough on “Fruity Pebbles” to give the song enough breathing room for Funk’s melodies to creep in.

Best Dance Album

Crystal Castles: Crystal Castles
On Crystal Castles’ debut full-length, old Atari sound effects pierce through the mix, synthesizers are abused, and frontwoman Alice Glass shrieks over the top of everything with menacing punk-rock attitude yet they’ve somehow constructed the dance album of the year. The tracks comfortably jump from techno to house to synth-pop sometimes even doing it within the span of one song. Ethan Kath is the master audio manipulator here dismantling Glass’ vocals, bending and tweaking them so much that they almost become unrecognizable in moments. But the soundscapes are king here. The keyboard melodies on “Crimewave” and “Vanished” are instantly memorable, almost haunting at times. There’s a timeless quality to everything here. For once, the hipsters were right.

Best Single

“Black and Gold,” Sam Sparro
It sounds like a long-lost Gamble & Huff gem produced by Prince and then remixed by Afrika Bambaataa circa 1982, yet “Black and Gold” feels more vital than 98% of the singles released in 2008. Written and sung by Australian newcomer Sam Sparro, “Black and Gold” was a smash throughout Europe but it barely made a dent here in the U.S. when it was released during the spring. A bank of frothy keyboards pad the track but it’s the pulsating bass and percussion that drive the song. Sparro obviously studied the great American soul singers of the ’70s because every line is pushed through with a brilliant balance of sensuality and macho bravado. I guarantee if Justin Timberlake would have released this track it would have been a Number One single.

Best CD Reissue

Billy Joel: The Stranger 30th Anniversary Edition
The original 1977 version of The Stranger is probably my favorite album of all time. That said, I wasn’t expecting more than a remastering job and new liner notes when Legacy Recordings announced that they would be releasing a 30-year anniversary edition of the classic recording. So you could imagine my surprise when news leaked that a live 1977 concert from Carnegie Hall would also be included as a second disc PLUS a DVD of promo videos, an appearance on the “Old Grey Whistle Test” and a 30-minute documentary about the making of the record would also be included! This is the kind of treatment an album this important deserves. The Carnegie Hall performance had mythical status on the Billy Joel fan boards for years, and rightfully so. It’s the kind of career-making show that most fans only dream about attending, so having it here is really a treat. The documentary is ripe with all kinds of behind-the-scenes information and compelling interviews with Joel and producer Phil Ramone so even the most devout fans have something to salivate over. Hopefully Legacy does the same thing for the rest of his late 70’s work.

Bullz-Eye’s Favorite Albums of 2008: Staff Writer James Eldred’s picks

Top 10 Albums of 2008

1. Fucked Up: The Chemistry of Common Life
Are they hardcore? Post-hardcore? Experimental? Post-experimental? Is that last one even a genre? Maybe it is now. Describing Fucked Up is as impossible as saying their name on the radio. Who else has combined flute solos with Black Flag-style hardcore vocals, ambient keyboards and just about everything else you can possibly imagine? It’s NOFX meets Hüsker Dü meets Fugazi meets everything awesome, dangerous and exciting about rock and roll. Also winner of the best cover of 2008.

2. Marnie Stern: This Is It…
Sleater-Kinney style riot-grrl rock by a guitar-playing chick who seems to base all of her chords off of Van Halen’s “Eruption.” It’s like someone randomly looked up two musical subgenres on Wikipedia (indie-rock and guitar virtuoso) and decided to mix them together. Marnie Stern is a guitar goddess whose unearthly ability at fingertapping and shredding her axe will one day be uncovered by future archaeologists, who will be in awe.

3. Crystal Castles: Crystal Castles
By combining the bleeping bloops from the soundchip of an old Atari with the frightening howls of petite lead singer’s Alice Glass’ powerful voice, Crystal Castles have taken the punk/dance thing to new and exciting places and shown us that the Chiptune scene is more than just a novelty scene capitalizing off of twentysomethings’ nostalgia for 8-bit video games. Also winner of the worst cover of 2008.

4. Portishead: Third
Wow, 11 years was worth the wait, who knew? Third goes to show that when you invent a genre (trip-hop), you can take as damn well long as you please to re-invent it. Third is a minimalist masterpiece that proves sometimes all you need is a drum machine and haunting vocals to make a dance track work.

5. Girl Talk: Feed the Animals
If Third is minimalism, then Girl Talk’s Feed the Animals is maximalism, hyperbolic remixing gone horribly right. Girl Talk (Gregg Gillis) took over 170 different songs to craft his journey though the pop music landscape, making unlikely collaborations like Lil’ Mama and Metallica, Outkast and Roy Orbison, and Souja Boy and Thin Lizzy in the process. Gilis also proved himself to be a musical alchemist with Feed the Animals, turning shit like Arvil Lavinge’s “Girlfriend” and Fergie’s “XX” into pop gold by crafty remixing and moshing.

6. Be Your Own Pet: Get Awkward
Needless censoring by brain-dead American record labels couldn’t hamper this great follow-up to BYOP’s self-titled debut. Their subsequent break-up sure did, though. A bummer, but they sure went out with a bang. Black Flag reincarnated as a hot nearly-underage girl and her three best friends. Here’s hoping we hear more from them in future in some form or another.

7. Does It Offend You, Yeah?: You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into
LCD Soundsytem and their DFA label ilk may be responsible for the rebirth of dance-punk, but the British have been taking it to a whole other level, first with Hot Chip and now with this horribly-named foursome from Reading. DIOYY combine the bombastic arena-rock majesty of Britpop groups like Muse with undeniably catchy electronic hooks better than anyone has in recent memory. Doesn’t change the fact that their name still sucks.

8. TV on the Radio: Dear Science
When are they going to release a bad album? Seriously, it’s getting rather annoying because there’s nothing more to say about them. Dear Science is as good as Return to Cookie Mountain which was in turn as good as Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes. They’re giving us cynical bastards nothing to work with here, nothing! How selfish is that?

9. Santogold: Santogold
The best indie-pop/new wave.punk/synthpop/electronic/rap record of the year. And yes, thanks to MIA, there was competition.

10. Kaiser Chiefs: Off With Their Heads
Remember when all those post-punk revival bands broke out? The Hives, the Strokes, the Vines, the Killers and these guys – who weren’t team players and willing to get behind the whole The Somethings name structure? Who had them pegged to be going three albums strong while the rest of the lot have either vanished or become washed up? “Never Miss a Beat” also wins for best single of the year.

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