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Jewel gets soapy

May 13, 2006 / Captain Capm

Everyone’s least favorite snaggletoothed folkie bizzo Jewel is going to appear on an episode of “The Young and The Restless. Aww yeah, she’s doing it to help push her new pooper Alice in Blunderland. What? Excuse me, make that Goodbye Alice in Wonderland.

“On the show, Jewel will perform at a fundraiser hosted by characters Nick and Sharon Newman to mark the first anniversary of their teenage daughter’s death in a drunk-driving accident.”

Ooh, that’s sweet. At the end of the show, Jewel will also be doing a PSA for Muthas Against Drunk Driving. Should be a good time for all. All those mothers sitting at home, cigarette in one hand, glass of cheap whiskey in the other, all boozed up with their hair in rollers and donning their bathrobes and slippers. Yelling “You go girl!” at the TV screen as they prepare to prepare yet another TV dinner for their poor husbands just so they can catch yet another empowering episode of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”

Artists, News

“Chrs wuz robd”: American Idol fans smell conspiracy

May 13, 2006 / David Medsker

Rumors are swirling that callers who intended to vote for Chris Daughtry this week received a personal thank you…from Katharine McPhee. While I’m the first to admit to having a conspiratorial, paranoid mind, I also think that there’s something to this one.

Here’s the way I see it: the producers of “AI” were facing the possibility of three white males in the finals, as McPhee had begun to falter week after week. Knowing that having three males in the finals would bring claims from numerous groups that they’re chauvanist white devils, not to mention the possibility of low ratings as a result of the finals being a landslide, the producers took the show’s best candidate for Idol winner and threw him under the bus. According to my wife Happy Goth, they’re doing something similar in “The Amazing Race.” Whenever the hippies finished last — which has happened twice — it just so happened to be a non-elimination round. They are now one of the final three teams. The hippies are supposedly great television. Their survival cannot be a coincidence.

But here’s the part the “AI” people didn’t consider: if Taylor Hicks wins — and for God knows what reason, he is now the odds-on favorite — it will kill the show, because they will lose any and all credibility they may have had. The only way the show survives at this point is if Elliott goes the distance. Still, even if does win it all, he’ll be the Ruben to Chris’ Clay.

Really, Mr. Fuller. Would it have been so bad for three dudes to be in the finals?

American Idol, Pop

Leif in the pen again

May 12, 2006 / Captain Capm

To no one’s surprise, Leif Garrett’s going to the pokey once again. This time he’s received 90 days in the clink and three years probation for quitting his junkie program. This would all be better news if the fucker hadn’t been given a new lease on popularity thanks to that stupid episode of “Behind The Music” a few years back, which of course led him to also having talking head bits on “I Love The ’70s” and a cameo in the shit fest that was “Dicky Roberts.” Anyway, Leif’s looking more and more like Paul Giamatti and Mark Hammil’s demon spawn every day.

Artists, Lists

A perfect reason why even indepedent labels sometimes deserve a punch in the nose

May 12, 2006 / Will Harris

Lost Highway Records is, on June 27th, reissuing Van Morrison’s “Pay the Devil” album, adding a bonus DVD which features Van the Man performing four songs live.

Hey, great! Thanks, Lost Highway! Oh, and a very special thank-you for doing that LESS THAN FOUR MONTHS after the album was initially released! That way, you’ll make sure to totally fuck over the fans who bought the album when it came out in the first place…!

Okay, I admit it, this shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, given that I got a promo copy so that I could review it; really, this’ll be the first time I’ve actually put money in Van’s pockets…or, more realistically, Lost Highway’s pockets. This isn’t the first time they’ve pulled a stunt like this; they did the same thing with Elvis Costello’s “The Delivery Man,” although at least they waited six months to do it, and they included seven extra tracks and a DVD. But no matter how much more you add, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s totally fleecing the fans who went out of their way to support one of their favorite artists as soon as the album hit stores. (I had to laugh when I looked at the Amazon listing for the expanded version of “The Delivery Man,” where someone commented, “I think I’ll wait for the Rykodisc reissue, which should be out in time for Christmas 2005. Rumor has it that it will include the little-heard Elvis demo entitled, ‘Shilling the Rubes Was Never This Fun.'”)

So, seriously, Lost Highway: why do you do this? We love the music, but this treatment is simply unacceptable.

Artists, Music Labels, Rock

It’s a good summer for fans of old-school country

May 12, 2006 / Will Harris

If you’re an aficionado of the outlaws of country, you’re probably already psyched about the two Johnny Cash sets scheduled to come out between now and the 4th of July…but here’s another release to get you going: Atlantic Records is releasing a 3-CD box set of Willie Nelson’s work for the label.

First, there’s Shotgun Willie, which was recorded in Atlantic’s Broadway studio, in New York City and features Nelson’s legendary recording of “Whiskey River,” as well as two Bob Wills songs, “Stay All Night (Stay A Little Bit Longer)” and “Bubbles in My Beer.”

The follow-up, Phases and Stages, was knocked out in Muscle Shoals, Alabama, produced by Jerry Wexler, and it’s a classic Nelson concept album about the end of a marriage…half from the man’s point of view, half from the woman’s.

The third disc is a live album taken from performances recorded at the Texas Opry House; journalist Chet Flippo attended the shows in question, and he declares that “they remain probably the highlights of any Willie concert I have ever seen. The audience was raw and eager for whatever Willie could throw at them, and he did just that. He was at the absolute height of his powers and clearly savored his newfound sense of freedom, and he threw down song after song with defiance and total confidence.”

Man oh man, I can’t wait to hear this stuff…

Artists, Concert CDs, Country