Hilly Kristal, owner of famed New York City punk club CBGB’s, has finally decided to give up his battle to keep the club open…but, as a concession, he’s re-opening it in Sin City.
Kristal said he intends to take the spirit of the club with him as well, adding that the new location “won’t be the same size or the same shape, but I am going to have all the things that matter there.”
Yeah, but, y’know, it’s still not going to be the same.
The Onion’s A.V. Club has put together a list of their 15 True Comeback Albums, giving everyone something to complain about.
Some of the selections are on the money, like Lou Reed’s New York, Johnny Cash’s American Recordings, or Steely Dan’s Two Against Nature…but putting John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s Double Fantasy on the list seems iffy; it was a huge hit, but most critics complained that it was lackluster. Same with the B-52’s Cosmic Thing, despite being a gargantuan hit. Still, kudos for including Electric Light Orchestra’s 2001 album, Zoom, which was great, even if it was a commercial flop.
A few selections which deserved to be included but weren’t are Paul McCartney’s Flowers in the Dirt, Echo and the Bunnymen’s What Are You Going To Do With Your Life?, the Bee Gees’ This Is Where I Came In, Willie Nelson’s Across the Borderline, and, dammit, I stand by Rick Springfield’s Karma. I’ll even throw ABC’s Skyscraping into the fray, as well as Tears For Fears’ Everybody Loves A Happy Ending.
Ah leave it to VH-1 Classic and Sony BMG Legacy! The two giants have paired up to create a new CD series entitled We Are the ’80s. Yes, once again you can have another artist-specific best-of compilation from the likes of Loverboy, Rick Springfield, Bow Wow Wow, and A Flock of Seagulls! But wait! These aren’t just any old comps. No, sir, they also include “b-sides, album tracks, and rare cuts!” Holy shit, you mean kinda like other superfluous “deluxe editions” of albums that include an entire second disc larded with crap, but this time it’s all within the comp! Wow!
But wait, there’s more! There’s also a tour for these people that will be hitting your better county fair tents everywhere! On the lineup is Rick Springfield, Eddie Money, Scandal and Loverboy! Look out!
This is key for labels like Legacy, which has a strong desire to reach a younger, hipper demographic group. “How do you get a 20-year-old to buy discs by Rick Springfield?” asks Jeff Jones, executive vice president of Legacy Recordings and Sony BMG Catalog Worldwide. “VH1 Classic helps the 25-40 demo discover this cool music.”
Hey, now about telling those young hipsters to not buy Rick Springfield albums? The guy’s been cranking out crapper after crapper for decades now. And does anyone really want to see Loverboy? Money’s been touring any place that will have him for years. The ’80s are toast, folks. We don’t need to have any more rgurgitated fun packs of the most plastic decade in music. The nostalgia is stronger than the music, just remember that. I lived through it. Many a could have been great album was botched thanks to cheeseball ’80s production and bad synths. Yes, there were also some groovy albums that came out as well…but I can’t think of one that was by Loverboy or Eddie Money.
When your career’s in a slump, whaddaya do? Get married is what! Then people like me talk about you and you’re back in the minds of everyone again, despite making crappy music. So who are our lucky newlyweds? Why, it’s none other than Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley! Whibley, if you don’t know, is the guitarist and singer of Sum 41. Both Avril and Whibley had about one big annoying hit each, and then their fans grew up and decided they liked real music. I give this marriage less than a year. I can’t seriously see anyone wanting to stay with either of these two for more than a weekend at best.
Even as his solo joint is supposedly going to drop next month, Kevin Federline is reportedly recording a duet of Bobby Brown’s “Get Away” with his ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson. I really cannot wait to hear this album. I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it. It sounds like this thing’s gonna be recorded on zero budget if the crappy tracks K-Fed’s already released over the past few months are any indication. Never have I wanted to see someone fail so miserably. I know I won’t have to hope too hard for that.
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