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“American Idol” to replace dazed, incomprehensible judge with…Courtney Love?

According to an “exclusive” report from Us Weekly, “American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe recently contacted Courtney Love to see whether she’d be interested in “sitting in as a judge” on the popular Fox phenomenon. It’s likely Lythgoe was only inquiring about a guest-judge stint for Love…but rumors are now swirling that he is considering replacing frequently woozy, slurry-of-speech perma-judge Paula Abdul with the brazen rocker.

These rumors can’t possibly be true — watch this clip for at least a dozen reasons why Courtney Love should never be placed in a position of prominence on a program that draws flocks of preteen girls — but they’re fun to think about, just the same.

Imagine what might happen the first time Simon and Courtney disagree on something: I smell a new product placement segment for Neosporin, Ace Bandages, or Hollywood’s crack (pun intended) EMT squad.

And just imagine Ryan Seacrest trying to say anything to Courtney. Anything at all. You can’t, can you? Because he’d never have the c-c-c-courage. One raised eyebrow from the former Mrs. Cobain, and Ryan dives behind that red Coca-Cola couch, quivering like a Chihuahua.

So, no: Chances are, Paula’s drunken slurring will probably not be replaced with Courtney’s drug-addled babbling any time soon…but it would certainly make for arresting television. Literally.

You had me, then you lost me.

You had me: Mariah Carey appears on the cover of – and in a layout in – the new issue of Playboy.

You lost me: she’s not naked.

Haven’t we already ALMOST seen everything Mariah’s got to offer…?

Plus, I mean, good lord, this picture is on her official MySpace page…and that’s free. (If that link doesn’t work, here’s another one ; it doesn’t take you to MySpace, but it’s the same photo, I assure you.)

Lost Bands: Gangway

Gangway’s one of those bands who, as far as people in the States are concerned, can’t really be described as lost…because they were never found in the first place! And I don’t mean that in a “their albums didn’t sell well” kind of way; I mean their albums never got released here at ALL. Hell, I’ve never even heard one of their studio albums; all I have is a best-of disc called Compendium, which plays like all your favorite bits by the Pet Shop Boys, the Lightning Seeds, and…well, basically, any band you can think of that incorporates lush keyboard sounds into their pop songs.

There are a couple of fan sites dedicated to the group (like this one), but they don’t appear to have their own website…possibly because they broke up in 1998. Nor do they have a MySpace page, not even an unofficial one, which is somehow even more odd, given how many folks tend to put up fan-run pages for their favorite artists. They do, at least, have a Wikipedia entry, which indicates that, in 2006, guitarist/songwriter Henrik Balling and lead singer Allan Jensen staged a reunion show at a small bar in Copenhagen for all of 125 people. (Oddly, keyboardist Torben Johansen was present in the audience but, the entry implies, did not participate in the performance.)

None of the band’s albums appear to be in print – or, if they are, they’re only available in Denmark (and since I can neither speak nor read Danish, I may never know) – but, for now, you can at least enjoy this video by the band on YouTube.

Conveniently, it’s for one of my favorite songs on Compendium. It’s called “My Girl and Me,” and it features such brilliant lyrics in its chorus that it’s inexplicable that it didn’t get released in the States:

“My girl and me / We hang around in bars / And we’re usually drunk / But we’re never too drunk to fight / Like cats and dogs all night.”

That’s genius.

People don’t like people who mess with The King

It’s hard to fathom the outright anger over making innocent videos from found materials and posting them over at YouTube. But that’s just what I’ve encountered for the past few months regarding my creations “Viva Fat Elvis,” “Elvis Is Still Dead,” and “Don’t Be Cruel,” my “Elvis trilogy,” if you will. And even if you won’t, just have a look at the madness that is the comments section for the first two. There are many scary people out there, and they’re all Elvis fanatics. “Don’t Be Cruel” hasn’t received any comments yet, but I’m sure it will. It’s always just a matter of time.

Viva Fat Elvis

Elvis Is Still Dead

Don’t Be Cruel

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