Category: Rock (Page 190 of 241)

One hour of “American Idol” two straight nights? No grueling two-hour episodes? This is like being on vacation. Or, more accurately, there is less b.s. and more auditions–mostly clunkers, but some really great singers as well.

Last night’s auditions were held at the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles, a mere stone’s throw from Hollywood. But that didn’t mean that these contestants had any more talent than any of the other cities. In fact, there were way more freaks here than anything.

Olivia Newton John was a guest judge, and is it just me, or did she just seem like a mom sitting there? She only threw comments in like “Keep working at it, you’ll get there,” or “I vote yes, you sang well.” Yeah, I know, she’s secured her spot in history, but I just expected a little more celebrity flair. Or maybe I’m just used to Paula being wasted.

There were a handful of talented singers last night that they showed, the first of which was Alaina Alexander, who admitted that she had been toiling the L.A. singer/songwriter scene for six years and had given up hope that she would make it big. So this was her final attempt before trying her hand at something like, say, working at Target. Lucky for Alaina, her music career has been extended because she has real talent. Simon seemed to like her more than any of the other judges, but he likes all the cute chicks.

Brandon Rogers, another L.A. music scene vet who has been a backup singer for the likes of Anastasia and Christina Aguilera, sang Willie Nelson’s “Always on My Mind” damn near perfectly. This dude has charisma, soul, and incredible vocal ability. The judges all agreed that he could be a finalist, and I’m with them. Him and that other backup singer chick from Nashville.

The other guy that made it through was Brian Miller, who made it to Hollywood last season but bowed out early. He was okay but I expect him to punch a ticket home early again.

And now for the freaks….

Martik, who goes by the name “Eccentric” and makes these cat sounds while he performs (he likens himself to a panther) was perhaps the weirdest audition the show has ever seen. Dude pranced in like a cat, threw down his sunglasses and took off his shirt, and did these cat-like moves and hisses. I think he was saying “eccentric” as he was doing it. Finally, Simon suggested that dude get on with the singing portion of his audition. Well, that was a train wreck too. Somehow this guy has been led to believe by his friends and his own ego that he’s the next big thing, but here he was just the next big freak.

Then they showed a bunch of folks dressed as, among other things, a banana, before getting to Mariana. Mariana’s mom was one of Dean Martin’s “Gold Diggers” back in the day, so you had to figure she had some good genes. Wrong. Simon likened her to Cher after Cher sees the dentist, and that was pretty accurate. But worse was the fact that Mariana begged the judges to let her through to the point of distraction.

There was the Asian chick “Phuong,” who somehow thought she was the next….Taylor Hicks. Yes, that is what I said. Hey Phuong, not only is soul patrol already used, it doesn’t look right coming from you. Well, I do know at least one person that thinks Phuong is probably a card-carrying member of the soul patrol just for the drowned kittens. Yeah, I know, only a few of you get that joke, but I had to say it.

Sherman, a 64-year-old man, had a really sad story. His lady friend of 20 years had just passed away from cancer, but it was their ambition to get Sherman an audition on “Idol.” So both of them started a petition, and Sherman got his wish only days after his woman passed. He sang really great too, and hell, maybe some record exec will give this guy a deal.

Then there was the couple, Sparkles and Darold, who auditioned after they were seen sucking face in the lobby. Blech. They both sucked face better than they sang, but it was disturbing to see how Sparkles was hitting on Simon to persuade his decision. No dice.

Finally, there was Eric Mueller, who claimed to have been training for two years for this very audition. Naturally, dude was all over the place, no matter what key he began in.

There you have it. Six episodes of auditions down, one more to go, which is next Tuesday in San Antonio. Then the real fun starts, and you can read about it all here.

In the meantime, enjoy your wings, pizza and beer on Sunday. Colts 27, Bears 20.

Somehow, some way, Fox spared us by making “American Idol” one hour long last night. Having that extra hour unexpectedly was like finding a $50 bill on the street. I won’t question why, I’ll say “Thank You” to Fox for letting me get back to Rick Reilly’s “Who’s Your Caddy?” a bit earlier. Great book, by the way, that all of you golfers or Reilly fans should read.

Let me start by saying that Paula Abdul is messed up. It took us two weeks to see that drunk, disorderly Paula we’ve come to know and love, but she made an appearance. On the second day of the Birmingham audtions, Paula reportedly had to return home for a family obligation. Just a hunch, but I think that obligation was with her big brother, Tequila Abdul.

With only an hour to show the auditions in Birmingham (the city that brought us Idol faves like Taylor Hicks, Ruben Studdard and Bo Bice), only five of the really talented contestants’ entries were aired. Katie Bernard was the first of those, and while she sounded like a 3-year old when she spoke, she was all woman when she sang. This kind of disturbed Simon Cowell, but Paula and Randy voted her through to Hollywood.

Then there was young Tatiana from Atlanta. Have you ever woken up with the feeling you’re going to eat fried chicken, and then hours later found yourself in the KFC drive thru? I had that feeling about Tatiana when she was being interviewed, before she even sang. Like, this girl is going to be an awesome singer. And folks, I do have the gift of ESP. She was, as Randy declared, “a natural.” Maybe like Paris Bennett last season, and definitely top 12 material.

Bernard, who sang Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You,” was awesome, but Paula somehow thought he was off-key. Uh, Paula, the only thing off-key is the ringing in your ears from that bender.

Jamie Lee, a cute 16 year old blonde chick, matter of factly stated that her “daddy” is paralyzed, because he shot himself after catching his ex-wife cheating on him. How heartwarming. Somehow, this girl is unfazed by her home situation, and sang well enough to advance.

This chubby dude Chris, who described his look as a cross between Jack Black and Jack Osborne, was hilarious. When asked why he was there, he replied,” Because I want to make David Hasselhoff cry.” That was reference to when Hasselhoff was spotted in the audience teary-eyed during last season’s show. Props to this kid. But he could sing too, and mark my words, Chris is a dark horse to go really far.

As always, there were a few duds. I mean, that’s what drives ratings, so here is a glimpse into last night’s train wrecks….

Erica, a cute blonde from Auburn, was so off key it was painful. But to make things worse, she kept singing until security had to usher her out the door. Diana Warner, who was so round that she may have had a medicine ball in her dress, was also all over the place vocally.

Then there was Margaret, who was literally dressed like Big Bird. Simon called it an “Easter Bunny Nightmare Experiment.” Need I say more?

18 year old Victoria had six foot long hair, but just an average voice. Lakia Hill, who led the league in off-key notes last night, was accurately depicted by Simon as one of the worst contestants in Birmingham.

Then they showed a bunch of bad auditions that ended with contestants being gracious and saying “Thank you for the opportunity.” Talk about Southern charm. This wasn’t New York or any of those northern cities, where everyone thought it was their birthright to earn a golden ticket to Hollywood.

Finally, Brandy sang “Like a Virgin,” and danced with stripper moves, removing her sweater to the horror of Randy and Simon. When told by Simon that it was a “rotten audition,” Brandy claimed that it may have been the way her voice echoed off the fake floor, so they let her step back onto the carpet. Still no dice. So then she was outside being interviewed by Ryan Seacrest and was bad-mouthing both judges, even calling Randy a “fat ass.” Wow. But hey, that’s good television.

All in all, 20 contestants from B-ham made it on to Hollywood, and tonight’s auditions take place in Los Angeles, where a trip to Hollywood will mean a bus pass. See you tomorrow for the recap….

New York City. The Big Apple. The Heart of Culture.

You’d think the largest city in our nation would produce more good singers, right? When it comes to “American Idol” auditions, the answer is a resounding “no.” New York City had just as many duds as every other city on last night’s show, and just as many freaks. Let’s go to the videotape….

As usual, we’ll pluck out some of the talented contestants. Sarah Burgess, who made the trek from Ohio to audition, was extremely emotional after passing her audition….mainly because she lied to her dad and told him she was staying over a friend’s house for three days because he would never let her audition. But did you see her bawling as she called her dad to tell him the good news? If I was that dude, I’d be fearing the worst…like, “Dad, I’m pregnant and I’m in jail.”

There was the cute Barbie-doll looking friends, Amanda and Antonella, who sang awful as a duo but separately had monster voices. Some of the other standouts were Jory Steinberg, the chick who sang “Chains”…I have a funny feeling about her, like she could be top 12. Then there was Porcelana, who they showed training every day for a year (ala Rocky) just to get in shape for this audition. But as the judges reminded her, it was important that she could sing as well. Lucky for this ball of spunk, she was good enough.

Rachel, an 18 year old with opera training, tried to sing Jeff Buckley, then also gave the judges (which by the way included hit songwriter Carol Bayer Sager) a taste of her opera….all equally impressive, and as she pointed out, she can do it all, giving her the potential to go far in the competition.

Finally there was Chris Richardson, who I think is this year’s Eliot Yamin (the Donnie Hathaway song gave that away), and Nicholas, who made the Hollywood round last year but flamed out when he forgot his lyrics. This dude is on a renewed mission, and he sounded awesome last night. Look for him to land in the top 12 of guys.

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for….the masters of suck….

The first contestant they showed, Ian Benardo, was this flaming dude who sang “Gloria.” Dude had such an obvious New Yawk accent, that mixed hilariously with his gay dialect: “Cawling Glawria….” But what made Ian worth the price of admission was his blasting of Simon Cowell, asking Cowell to see his working visa. What a loser.

There was Ashanti, who has a good name for pop music, but sang horribly. This was her third audition overall with the show, and she again showed why she just can’t advance to Hollywood. But to add insult, she kept whining to the judges and was such a drama queen that it was painful to watch.

With only (haha) two hours, the producers didn’t have time to show us everyone, so they gave us a few clips of other duds. There was a guy in a spacesuit, a dude with blue hair, and a dude who looked like a girl (isn’t there one of those every season?).

Nakia sang “Dancing in the Streets” and she was such a ball of energy that her enthusiasm overshadowed her vocals. When the judges asked her to sing a ballad, her flaws were exposed.

Sarah Goldberg admitted that she was tone deaf, but thought that the judges should give her the opportunity to go to Hollywood and teach her to become the next American Idol. Are you kidding me? Like I can show up at spring training for the Yankees and demand that they teach me how to be a shortstop.

Chris Henry sang a Kelly Clarkson tune and it was obvious that he would be better off with a dress and stilettos. My wife said it, and then Simon said it, as if on cue. Finally there was Isadora, whose real name starts with a “J” but one she would not disclose. Annoyingly, Ryan Seacrest kept calling her Julie. Oh, and did I mention she sucked?

Paula called Simon an ass. Yawn.

That’s all we’ve got this week, folks….next week brings the show to Birmingham, a city that has produced some “American Idol” winners and hopefuls like Taylor Hicks, Ruben Studdard, and Bo Bice. Surely this musical hotbed will put New York City’s auditions to shame. Well, one can only hope.
See you next week…