One hour of “American Idol” two straight nights? No grueling two-hour episodes? This is like being on vacation. Or, more accurately, there is less b.s. and more auditions–mostly clunkers, but some really great singers as well.

Last night’s auditions were held at the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles, a mere stone’s throw from Hollywood. But that didn’t mean that these contestants had any more talent than any of the other cities. In fact, there were way more freaks here than anything.

Olivia Newton John was a guest judge, and is it just me, or did she just seem like a mom sitting there? She only threw comments in like “Keep working at it, you’ll get there,” or “I vote yes, you sang well.” Yeah, I know, she’s secured her spot in history, but I just expected a little more celebrity flair. Or maybe I’m just used to Paula being wasted.

There were a handful of talented singers last night that they showed, the first of which was Alaina Alexander, who admitted that she had been toiling the L.A. singer/songwriter scene for six years and had given up hope that she would make it big. So this was her final attempt before trying her hand at something like, say, working at Target. Lucky for Alaina, her music career has been extended because she has real talent. Simon seemed to like her more than any of the other judges, but he likes all the cute chicks.

Brandon Rogers, another L.A. music scene vet who has been a backup singer for the likes of Anastasia and Christina Aguilera, sang Willie Nelson’s “Always on My Mind” damn near perfectly. This dude has charisma, soul, and incredible vocal ability. The judges all agreed that he could be a finalist, and I’m with them. Him and that other backup singer chick from Nashville.

The other guy that made it through was Brian Miller, who made it to Hollywood last season but bowed out early. He was okay but I expect him to punch a ticket home early again.

And now for the freaks….

Martik, who goes by the name “Eccentric” and makes these cat sounds while he performs (he likens himself to a panther) was perhaps the weirdest audition the show has ever seen. Dude pranced in like a cat, threw down his sunglasses and took off his shirt, and did these cat-like moves and hisses. I think he was saying “eccentric” as he was doing it. Finally, Simon suggested that dude get on with the singing portion of his audition. Well, that was a train wreck too. Somehow this guy has been led to believe by his friends and his own ego that he’s the next big thing, but here he was just the next big freak.

Then they showed a bunch of folks dressed as, among other things, a banana, before getting to Mariana. Mariana’s mom was one of Dean Martin’s “Gold Diggers” back in the day, so you had to figure she had some good genes. Wrong. Simon likened her to Cher after Cher sees the dentist, and that was pretty accurate. But worse was the fact that Mariana begged the judges to let her through to the point of distraction.

There was the Asian chick “Phuong,” who somehow thought she was the next….Taylor Hicks. Yes, that is what I said. Hey Phuong, not only is soul patrol already used, it doesn’t look right coming from you. Well, I do know at least one person that thinks Phuong is probably a card-carrying member of the soul patrol just for the drowned kittens. Yeah, I know, only a few of you get that joke, but I had to say it.

Sherman, a 64-year-old man, had a really sad story. His lady friend of 20 years had just passed away from cancer, but it was their ambition to get Sherman an audition on “Idol.” So both of them started a petition, and Sherman got his wish only days after his woman passed. He sang really great too, and hell, maybe some record exec will give this guy a deal.

Then there was the couple, Sparkles and Darold, who auditioned after they were seen sucking face in the lobby. Blech. They both sucked face better than they sang, but it was disturbing to see how Sparkles was hitting on Simon to persuade his decision. No dice.

Finally, there was Eric Mueller, who claimed to have been training for two years for this very audition. Naturally, dude was all over the place, no matter what key he began in.

There you have it. Six episodes of auditions down, one more to go, which is next Tuesday in San Antonio. Then the real fun starts, and you can read about it all here.

In the meantime, enjoy your wings, pizza and beer on Sunday. Colts 27, Bears 20.