He’s dating Ashlee Simpson.

That is not a joke. Actually, it’s a big, big joke, but it’s a serious joke. Those tattooed kids who pretend to be “alternative”? Don’t kid yourself: what they really want is to fit in with the popular kids and bang the popular girls. It’s just like high school, with money. Okay, I take that back: the music business is supposedly junior high school with money. Hollywood is high school with money. Either way, it’s a bunch of people who will contract V.D. far, far earlier than I ever will. “Syphilis, how it started off with just a kiss…”