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I don’t expect to get a lot of fan mail from this, but since everyone else is bemoaning the lack of John Lennon in a series of tributes, I figure I’d go ahead and throw my two cents in. This isn’t going to be a heart-felt thing, where I make a lot of ponderances upon what life would be like now if Lennon were still alive, and what if he and Paul McCartney had created something again and all that shit. This is just my honest opinion on the man, and if anything, he’d probably want it that way than any other way. Honestly, I’d say ol’ Johnny’s probably puked a few times in his grave from all the candy-coated write-ups on him over the years since his death.

I enjoy John Lennon as a Beatle. I think he wrote some great songs with the band. I’ve always been more a McCartney guy, but let’s be honest here. The Beatles were great together. Separate, they all had some soul searching to do. McCartney, of course, by far had the best solo success and in my opinion the most enjoyable solo albums. But I can’t deny that even he lost something along the way without Lennon there. But John needed Paul, too. Man did he ever. At least the two kept each other in check. Without each other, they didn’t have those built-in editors to keep themselves from releasing some really sorry shit.

And Johnny released plenty of solo shit during his time. I can still kind of groove to Plastic Ono Band, but I never thought it was this amazing breakthrough for Lennon. Granted, I wasn’t around yet when it originally went down, but I think newer generations can look at these things and also listen with a bit more of a critical attitude. Call it cynical, but fuck, really what is so damned amazing about that album? Ditto Imagine. Jesus, I have never liked that title track, and I couldn’t care less for any of the rest of the LP. If there’s one thing that always annoyed me about John Lennon more than Yoko Ono it was his naive politics. The bed-in was stupid, the rolling around in bags was goofy as fuck, and the whole “War Is Over (If You Want It)” mentality was just too dope-nosed to work for anyone. I am often reminded of that bit where the Lennons are on some show and John is asked what he’d do if he saw someone angry coming at him on the street. His reply, “I’d say, ‘Peace, brother!” and run the other way,” is exactly why his brand of Coca-Cola “peace” never worked. For all his confrontational and smart-assed attitude, at the end of the day, Lennon would rather just run the other way.

He ran the other way when it came to his albums, too. What the fuck was it with all that echo and cheesy-ass saxophone in his songs? Some Time In New York City and Mind Games are absolute bombs. Even Rock And Roll was destitute in character. Blame it on his lifestyle, blame it on Yoko, blame it on May Pang. Jesus, just blame it on John. The guy was completely directionless. At least Harrison wanted to keep pushing Krishna on us and Ringo was still just happy to be there being good old Ringo. But Lennon was always grasping, and great solo success eluded him. His shit sold only because he was John Lennon, not because any of it was actually good or durable.

His best song was “Nobody Told Me.” His experimental albums with Yoko, Unfinished Music numbers one and two and Wedding Album are a howl and everyone should own those. If you want John Lennon being honest and proving to the world that he was just as happy jerking off complete garbage and making cash from it, just listen to those albums. It wasn’t Art. It was Crap. But it was the best crap he ever made outside of The Beatles because he was so honest about it. Sure, you can go on and wear my ear off about “Working Class Hero” and all that crap, but it was just another phase. At least when he was showing his shriveled dick on the cover of his album, you actually had something to discuss.

Anyway, that’s that. John’s dead, the walrus was Paul, and the world keeps turning. I’ll start imagining no possessions and all that crap when I’m on my deathbed. I’m in the here and now and I enjoy the comforts that life has to offer. Imagine Lennon not sucking during his solo years. Now there’s something to ponder, kiddies. Peace, brother.