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Is she the queen of pop because she makes me want to pop her one…?

Britney Spears doesn’t want to become the next Princess Diana.

Look, I know the paparazzi are awful, but, good lord, shut up already, would you, Britney?

First off, this whole baby thing never would’ve been an issue if you had gotten your kid into your car, locked the doors, THEN put him in his baby seat, and THEN driven away.

But in this story, she says, “I’ve pulled over and asked the cops, ‘Could you please help me? They’ve been driving recklessly back there.’ And they say, ‘Sorry, ma’am, I can’t help you. This is how it is.’ ”

Well, actually, Britney, I don’t think that’s quite what they would’ve said, because if they’re committing reckless driving, that’s actually a crime. Pestering you is not.

Our Personal Jesus in sex tape with Kid Rock

Well, this will be the sin that sends Scott Stapp to Hell (yes!) at long last. (link now fixed) Stampp and buddy Kid Rock tag teaming a bunch of groupies for 45 ever-lovin’ minutes caught on video. Even though this shit was shot back in ’99, we always knew that Scottie liked his hoochie mamas. This should finally shut up those ever-glowing Christian fans who bow down to Stampp as Jebus once and for all. God damn, but this is too good to be true. Luckily for all of us, it isn’t, and the reality is that you get to watch not one but two pieces of festering turds on the rawk music scene do it in the raw, baby. Now pass me that puke bucket.

Are you with me? Interview with Fred LeBlanc of Cowboy Mouth

Someone at CAKE Magazine summed up Cowboy Mouth better than I ever could, and I know that because their quote in the band’s press sheet appeared three quotes ahead of what I wrote about the band (Let me tell you, nothing is more surreal than seeing your own words on a band’s press sheet). CAKE said, “…on a bad night, they’ll tear the roof off the joint, and on a good night, they’ll save your soul.” Truer words were never spoken.

When a guy repping the band asked me if I wanted to chat with a member of Cowboy Mouth, you can imagine the different number of ways I tried to say, “Hell to the yes.” Here’s a sample of the conversation, which covered subjects from former members of the band, to Morrissey, to what appeared to be the worst touring partner they ever dealt with.

BE: Is the subject of “Joe Strummer” based on a true story?

FL: Yeah, the chorus is based on a true story. I was dating a woman who was, ahem, significantly younger than me. And Joe Strummer had passed away – and I had met him about five or six months before – when we played in Vegas. And I called her up, and I’m like, “Oh, my God.” She’s like, “Honey, what’s wrong?” I said, “Joe Strummer died.” There was this long pause on the phone: “Who was that?” At that moment, it ran through my head, “Oh, man, you’ve gotta go.” But the rest of the song is pretty much made up. Paul (Sanchez, rhythm guitarist) came up with the melody for the verse, Mary helped with the lyrics, and Mitch (Allen), our producer, helped with lyrics. It was an all-inclusive thing. But I always wanted to write a song called “Joe Strummer,” it’s just such a fucking great name.

BE: It has a certain rhythm to it, too.

FL: Exactly.

BE: And that’s one of the reasons I asked the question, because I wondered if it was actually about Joe Strummer, or if it was someone whose name didn’t roll off the tongue, like Mark Mothersbaugh or something.

FL: (laughs hard, starts singing melody to “Joe Strummer”) “Mark Mothersbaugh…” Ah, what’s the bridge? “She started talking ‘bout being my wife, but why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t know that Devo saved my life?” That doesn’t work.

You can read the rest of the interview here.

Jandek’s up and running again

Man, I was getting impatient there. But you have to expect the unexpected from Jandek, even after all this time. So imagine how genuinely thrilled I was to see that there are two new releases from the J-Man, and it’s only February. The first is called Khartoum Variations, and the second a big, DOUBLE DISC LIVE SHOW called Newcastle Sunday. And of course, since I own all the other Jandek albums, I happily plunked down a total of $18 for these new CDs. Gee, I wonder what a “Deep Cuts” of Jandek’s would be like. Mmm-mmm! So many possibilities!

A lot of folks think that my owning the full Jandek catalogue is just a joke, but it is not. My owning Frampton Comes Alive! is a joke. Jandek, on the other hand, still continues to do his own thing and will be talked about long after Peter Frampton has died, long after no one gives a shit anymore about discussing Sgt. Pepper. We don’t need any more Beatles books. Now, more Jandek music, that’s another thing entirely, and it will be a gas as usual to see how many albums the man releases this year.

4th time around

You know it’s a slow news day now, kids. Lisa Marie Presley went and got married again. This time to some guitarist named Michael Lockwood. It’s the fourth marriage for Lisa. Frankly, I don’t think this one will last, either. There’s just something very unsexy about a chick who looks like Elvis. And that damn sneer would just make me wanna slap her silly after about five minutes. I think she should start pounding barbiturates and fried peanut butter samitches to make up for the personal deficits, but that’s just me.

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