But not for his lousy music. No, Mr. New Age Crapola was arrested for a domestic dispute with his girlfriend. Almost like the Jackson Browne thing, but not quite, although he did throw his honey’s clothes on the floor and then shook her, threw her on the bed and pounced on her. Rarrr! Yanni a wild man? Who knew? Maybe his own fuzak has finally driven him to insanity and he needed to get his frustrations out. And who better than one of his zombie faithful who finds that crap entertaining?
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From the time it took me, all thirty seconds or so, to go from the publicist’s email — hyping the band that’s going to be on radio stations “all across the planet” or some such nonsense — to here, I have already forgotten the name of the band in question. East City Outlaws, I think? West End Girls? Something like that. (Just doublechecked the link, and the band gave themselves the oh-so clever name Edge City Outlaws.) But the video they made, a black & white homage to playing in a rock band, drinking whiskey, and being up to your eyeballs in tail no matter how pug fugly you are, will pump the blood of any red-blooded male regardless how much the song sucks ass. It’s unclear why they even bother censoring themselves (a circle with an X pops up when the camera looks up a girl’s skirt, twice) since the vid isn’t anywhere near MTV-friendly. Why not embrace the full extent of your amateur porn fetish?
You can find a link to the video here. Our suggestion: watch the video with the sound down and play Andrew WK’s “Party Hard” instead. Same message, better results.
What did Bruce Springsteen ever do for me? Nothing. And he will continue to do so. His music may speak to a ton of blue collar grease monkeys revving it up on the ave. to impress some beehive coiffed mama with an archaic name, but it only puts me to sleep. I’ve tried to “get into” the guy a few times, but it’s pointless. The first time was when Born In The U.S.A. was released. I was 11 or 12 years old then and the video for “Dancing In The Dark” was getting heavy rotation on such shows as “Radio 1990,” “Night Flight,” and “Friday Night Videos.” Yeah, our cable company didn’t carry MTV at the time, so I had to make do with whatever music shows were on USA or NBC. Anyway, I liked that song enough to ask for the album for Christmas. And so I got it. And so I thought the rest was shit. Tracks like “Darlington County,” “I’m Goin’ Down,” and “I’m On Fire” really made me want to go out and hurt someone. That last tune is one I often like to sing, along with Styx’s “Don’t Let It End” and Don McLean’s “American Pie” when I really want to annoy everyone.
I wound up giving that gift away, and didn’t look back. I got older and thought maybe I needed to rediscover Bruce. So I went out and bought the shitty first album and the so-so second one. I still couldn’t do it. God, he sucked. Why had I fooled myself into thinking this dude was going to interest me in the slightest? His lyrics are so goddamned epicly cornball and the music is the aural equivalent of cock stroking at its most ridiculous. And guesss what? My ears have never been to Nebraska nor were they Born To Run. And they never will. This is cigarette packs rolled up in your sleeve with your hair greased back music and it’s not even that because it just wants to be that and therefore sucks big pipe. Bruce, I hate your crummy music and couldn’t care less if you play 4 hour shows. Losing bits of my life to your songs is not at all entertainment.
Time for a new pearl Jam album. Big deal, you say? Yeah, I’m right there with you. Having never cared for the band, even in their prime, it’s harder to care about them now when it seems like the band members should all be working at Kmart. But they’re going forward with a self-titled new album that finds its inspiration in George W. Bush’s reelection. Can you say “dated within 5 minutes?” I knew that you could. Hey I’ll be the first to stand up and say “I didn’t vote for that guy either time,” but albums like these are doomed for the cheap bin. “Hey man, remember when Eddie Vedder really stuck it to Dubya on that album of Pearl Jam’s?” Gee, who hasn’t stuck it to Dubya by now?
After the untimely passing of Jam Master Jay, the other two-thirds of Run-DMC took an understandably extended break to figure out their place in the rap world. Rev. Run re-emerged in 2005, dropping his debut solo album and conquering another medium with his MTV series, “Run’s House.” Not be outdone, DMC has his debut solo album scheduled for release in March 2006, as well as a documentary on VH-1 in late February. He discussed these topics with Bullz-Eye, as well as the Run-DMC reissues, how an unlikely musical artist changed his mindset from suicidal to philosophical, and how he’s a little peeved that Run beat him to the solo punch:
DMC: So, yeah, I had a little help from my friends on the record.
BE: Nothin’ wrong with that.
DMC: People that are more than just celebrities. I’m talkin’ ‘bout real musicians and artists, as opposed to just working with people for the celebrity and the name value. I mean, these guys are big names, but they’re serious about what I do. I really needed musicians, because the album is really all about the music for me, and I wanted to make the best music I could, so I wanted some real cats I could get down with, if you know what I’m sayin’.
BE: I saw Sarah McLachlan is on the album, which is a name that could shock people the most…or surprise people the most, anyway.
DMC: Actually, she’s my favorite artist of all time.
BE: Wow!
DMC: Her music really inspired me…and, actually, that song “Angel” that she did? That was the record that saved my life.
BE: How so?
DMC: Because…I would say it was, like, 1997, and I was kind of going through a depression, and I was suicidal. And I was asking myself, am I here just to be DMC? There’s got to be more to life than this. I know it sounds crazy, but it was, like, because I did this and I did that. Aerosmith, “My Adidas,” “Walk This Way,” first to go gold, first to go platinum, I grew up in Queens, I went to the best schools…but with all this success, there was something missing. There was a void in me, but I didn’t know what it was. And I told myself, ‘cause we was over in Europe on tour…and, even then, it was fortune and fame, I was getting $70,000 a night, y’know, me, Jay and Run was tourin’ over in Europe and life was good…but I was, like, there’s something missing. Something ain’t right! And I was suicidal…well, okay, I wasn’t suicidal, but I knew something was wrong with me because I was having suicidal thoughts. And it wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful or didn’t have gratitude about what I did, but it was more, like, if this is all that life is about for me, then I want to move on to the next plane of existence, ‘cause there’s gotta be something missing, but I can’t put my finger on it.
You can read the interview in its full entirety here.
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