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You didn’t see it coming, did you? Sure you did. Lenny Kravitz has been tapped to play Jimi Hendrix in a new biopic. Hi there. I see no similarities between the two musicians. Hendrix was a groove genius and Kravitz is an ego-ridden goof who gives head to his vintage equipment because he’s so goddamned in love with the ’70s. See? Not one similarity. The movie’s going to be dommed despite that, because Elle Von Lear, the “music impresario” making the flick sez, “Our goal is to do a proper major feature film that finally tells the real shocking story (of Jimi’s life and death). Now I can do what he intended for his legacy and I plan to start by making a The DOORS-type film about Jimi’s life.”

Why in God’s name would anyone ant to use The Doors as a springboard? Someone call in Val Kilmer, though. He’d make a better Jimi than Kravitz. At least we’re guaranteed of him throwing himself into his roles, no matter how embarrassing the finished product is. Ride the snake baby, ride the snake.

Oh those crazy Gorillaz. They’re soon going to have their own animated TV series, don’t you know. No word on if it’s just going to be a British thang or not, but the safe bet would be that the show would undoubtedly do its best in the states on Adult Swim. It’s hard to imagine anyone tuning in for it on Jetix or the last vestiges of The WB/UPN. But then again, you never know. There are tons of shitty cartoons on the air currently that have been around far too long that cannot possibly have that many viewers.

Custody, that is. Looks like Richie and Heather Locklear will be sharing their child. Good news for that kid, though I, of course, would opt to stay with Heather. I can’t imagine the life of a middle-aged Bon Jovi member to be too thrilling. Oh well, at least dad can go have fun with all those aging groupies ready to bare their boobs for “Livin’ On A Prayer.” Heather will always land on her feet. Maybe there’ll be a “TJ Hooker” movie in the future.

Good news for all you OD (Original Diva) fans out there. Barbra Streisand is going to tour again for the first time in six years. James Brolin even helped convince her to make the decision! Wow! This is so exciting for fans of Babs! I’m not one of them, but I figured I’d get excited for them. Still, I suppose I’d rather listen to her than that blowhard Bruce Springsteen. Or maybe not.