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Disgraced King of Pop to conquer American Idol?

Rumors are buzzing that self-coronated King of Pop Michael Jackson is being courted for an upcoming American Idol theme night.

According to Reality TV magazine:

Several reports have been circulating that Michael Jackson has been having secret meetings with American Idol creator and 19 Entertainment founder Simon Fuller…If [that] isn’t enough to get the Michael Jackson on American Idol rumor mill churning, then how about the fact that American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe seemed to drop a clue about the possibility during a recent media conference call?

When answering a question about the tight reign that American Idol keeps on the finalists, Lythgoe said “We don’t want anything slipping out. If we’ve got major stars coming on that we want to do a big publicity thing with. ‘Hey, Michael Jackson is coming to American Idol this week,’ then I’ve got to leave that up to Fox publicity to put out there, not have it slip out with somebody telling their Mom that Michael Jackson is coming.”

Hmmm: Could be something; could be nothing…but the show’s producers have been hinting at a major “event” show in the works, and, freakish personal issues aside, Jackson remains one of few stars of sufficient caliber to make for true event television.

Besides, if you think about it, Michael Jackson and American Idol are a perfect match: Both are extremely interested in up-and-coming youngsters, and neither has any use for anyone over the age of thirty.

Note to country music fans: grow up already

It still seems The Dixie Chicks can’t get a break as country radio stations are still refusing to play their music. This despite their Grammy slam dunk. Look, people who have your heads buried in your behinds over this matter: it’s time to get over it and move on. If you haven’t noticed lately, the president’s approval ratings are completely in the toilet, and even many of his Republican yes men are starting to turn on him. Oh wait, I forgot. The only “America” worth living in is the closed-minded kind where everyone agrees and is still living in the backwoods Dark Ages. Being a free-thinking adult sure is a bitch, huh?

K-Fed, is that you?

Look closely at the pathetic white rapper urging you to “do what I do and use that Turbo Tax mojo” in this video. Has K-Fed found a new career in self-mockery?

But no, hang on: this guy’s taller than K-Fed, and, as far as we know, he has not yet impregnated Britney Spears. So who could it be? Take a look, and judge for yourself:

Why, it’s none other than K-Fed’s original rap inspiration…a man who needs no introduction…and who really should not be hawking tax software, given that he himself has likely earned no income from rapping for at least the past fifteen years. Word to your mother.

[Thanks to VH1’s Best Week Ever for the link]

American Idol: Hollywood Lightning

I’m not complaining, but the opening to “American Idol’s” Hollywood rounds was like an episode of speed-dating, speed reading, or, well, it was just plain fast. There were 172 contestants from the seven opening auditions, and by the end of last night they had narrowed the field down to 40. It wasn’t that the usual format was different, with solo auditions in front of the judges again, and the group round, but they just showed less of it. Hey, that’s fine by me.

The girls went first and this season there were twice as many chicks that made it to Hollywood as there were dudes.

Jory Steinberg was dressed EXACTLY like Paula, trying to earn points of some kind. But she didn’t quite sing that well. In fact, the first six they showed all got sent home. Then there was Colombian semi-bombshell Perla, who did her Shakira impression again. She was just okay, but Randy and Paula thought she had just enough personality to advance. Very young Baylie Brown, a blue-eyed blonde cutie, was awesome in the first Hollywood round, just as she was in her initial audition.

In all, the judges sent 56 of the 114 girls home. Then the guys went….Jarrod, the dude who won “Reagan Idol” on his Navy ship, didn’t quite cut it this time around. Then there was Matt Sato, who made a spectacle in his opening round audition, saying his parents didn’t approve of him auditioning. This dude called his mom in tears again when he made it through to the second Hollywood round. They simply showed way too much of this kid.

Then there were the groups. This is always entertaining because inevitably there is bickering when kids with large egos are forced to perform together.

Best friends Amanda and Antonella were paired with Baylie Brown. This was like mixing salsa and cookie dough. They appeared to respect each other, but you could tell the friends didn’t like Baylie and she didn’t like them. Ultimately, two of the girls forgot their lyrics badly, including Baylie. What a shame, because she had the voice to go far. Antonella advanced to the final 40 but her friend Amanda was sent home.

Same thing happened to the Indian brother and sister…the brother made it, she did not. They were shown hugging at the end. Also a shame…I thought she was great but didn’t quite have enough. The dude, though, he’s going to make it far.

Finally Matt Sato got sent home….I don’t think America could handle another phone call to his mom.

Perla’s inability to sing on key finally got her booted out, because the three other chicks in her group were awesome and it made Perla’s flaws stand out.

The guy’s group of Blake, Rudy, Chris (and I can’t remember the fourth guy…hey, when I say they blazed through this, they really did!) was incredible. They did the Bee Gees’ “How Deep is Your Love” and I’m telling you, these kids could go on tour tomorrow and become mega-stars. All four are going to go deep in this competition. It was by far the best group performance ever on the show, and I am not exaggerating.

Also watch for my boy Brandon Rogers…he made the final cut too and I am picking him as top 12 material, maybe top 5.

So I guess tonight they will get from 40 down to 24….the final 12 guys and 12 girls. Hey, again, this is okay by me. This is when the show really gets fun to watch. Yes America, admit it, this show is fun to watch. See you all tomorrow….

Mix Disc Monday: When the postman don’t call on Valentine’s Day

Quick show of hands: does anyone really like Valentine’s Day? For single people, it’s an unpleasant reminder that you’re single (and therefore, in the eyes of the good people at Hallmark Cards, a loser). For couples, it’s yet another obligation to go out and do something special for your sweetie, despite the fact that you’ve already done that at Christmas, your anniversary, Mother’s/Father’s Day, his or her birthday and, if you really go overboard, your date-iversary as well. Enough already.

While everyone at Bullz-Eye is either happily married or happily involved (except for our fearless leader, who is happily neither), we see both sides of this dilemma, and have assembled a mix disc for the lovers and another for the fighters. There’s plenty of joy and pain (but not sunshine and rain) to go around. Dig in.

Mix One: Ain’t Love Grand

Ah, love. Love rules. It’s a scientific fact that when you’re in love, the sun shines a little bit brighter, people are nicer, and your car gets better gas mileage. People in love, according to a song by the Feeling, get special treatment. They know of what they speak. And yet, so few truly great songs have been written about the subject. For every “We’ve Only Just Begun,” there are ten songs like “Everything I Do (I Do It for You).” Because of that, this is officially declared a Bryan Adams-free zone. Feel better already, don’t you?

“You’re the Best Thing,” The Style Council (My Ever Changing Moods)
Shameless homer pick, this one. My wife and I danced to this at our wedding.

“La La Love You,” The Pixies (Doolittle)
Because there aren’t enough love songs with monster drum tracks that have someone shouting “Shake your butt!” in the background.

“(They Long to Be) Close to You,” The Carpenters (Close to You)
Okay, so the bit about sprinkling moon dust is pretty silly. But this is one of the greatest melodies in the history of pop. Period.

“Here, There and Everywhere,” The Beatles (Revolver)
Picking one Beatles love song is like choosing to keep only three toes on each foot. My apologies to “Michelle,” “Something” and “And I Love Her,” among others.

To see the rest of Mix One, click here.

Mix Two: Love Bites

If love is supposedly the most wonderful thing in the world, then why the hell does it hurt so much? There’s an old saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Try telling that to someone who has just loved and lost. From invincible to unlovable in seconds flat, nothing will make you feel as unworthy as a failed relationship, especially when it’s capped with a crushing one-liner like “I like everything about my life except my relationship with you.” My college girlfriend actually said that to me, no joke. And in return, I sang a number of these songs to her.

“House of Love,” Squeeze (Play)
I nearly put “Wicked and Cruel” in here instead – indeed, Play is pretty much one giant Dear Jane letter – but this song wins out for a laundry list of one-liners. “She was full of lies and boredom, it came as no surprise that she would cheat,” “I wasn’t Shakespeare, it’s simple / Did she expect me to kiss her feet,” and then the chorus hits: “We seemed the best of friends, life had just begun / But on the roof, a tile began to slip / The house of love caved in, and that was it.”

“I Believe She’s Lying,” Jon Brion (Meaningless)
Like Play, Meaningless has several candidates for this list, but I’m choosing “I Believe She’s Lying” for delivering the killer lyric with an even more killer drum track. “As soon as we’re committing, we’re admitting our mistake / So of course it’s only fitting, that the course we’re going to take is drawn / And whereupon, I’m slamming on the brakes.” You’ve all done it, and you can’t undo it. It’s the only way you learn.

“Say Anything,” Aimee Mann (Whatever)
It makes sense to put Brion and Mann back to back, since they used to date and he produced her first three solo records (plus she co-wrote the lyrics to “I Believe She’s Lying”). Was she talking about him when she said, “If you were everything you say, things would be different today / I would be happy to believe / But I’d have to be much more naive”?

“Good Luck,” Basement Jaxx w/ Lisa Kekaula (Kish Kash)
The flip side to “Ice Cream.” It’s angry, defiant, and there isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t love this song. “Good luck in your new bed / Enjoy your nightmares, honey, while you’re resting your head.” And hot DAMN, can Kekaula sing.

To see the rest of Mix Two, click here.

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