Category: Artists (Page 214 of 262)

Christian Rock: Blessing or Blasphemy?

May 24, 2006 / Captain Capm

YOU BE THE JUDGE! Be sure to set your surfboards towards the “Christian Rock: Blessing or Blasphemy?” site and get all the answers. You’ll finally get to know the asnwers to such burning questions as “Is Amy Grant a satanist?”The creator of the site seems to have a strong distaste for Christian entertainer Carman (as do I, but just because the dude sucks, not for any biblical reasons), quoting some lyrics and then asking, “Now, in your wildest dreams, could you possibly imagine the Apostle Paul referring to the Lord Jesus Christ as J.C.?” Actually, I figured Paul just referred to J.C. as “Yo, Jesus!” but I could be wrong.

Not even Christian rap arrives unscathed! Quoth the creator: “To even remotely “connect” the wonderful Lord Jesus Christ to a word with the possible meaning of a word such as “FREAK” is sacrilege, at best!”

Johnny Cash also gets his due (“Johnny Cash gets the award for the biggest sellout since Judas Iscariot!”), and how about these great, stupid lyrics quoted from a Christian band known as One Bad Pig called “You’re a Pagan”:

Feeling low, smoke a joint
Cuss real loud, make your point. . .
You’re a pagan, that is what you be
There’s no fakin’ , fry like bacon
You’re a pagan

Christians battling it out amongst Christians! Who will win? Certainly not the ghost of Johnny Cash!

Artists

Hey, better watch it there, Chief…

May 24, 2006 / Will Harris

Ricky Wilson, lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs, can’t seem to go more than a few weeks without getting wounded in some fashion or other.

* In March 2005, he hurt his ankle.
* In August 2005, he hurt his ankle again.
* In October 2005, he collapsed in mid-show.

And since he can’t help but keep topping himself, now he’s gone and gotten himself hit by a car.

On the band’s website, it was announced that “Ricky was hit by a car whilst walking across a pedestrian crossing in Leeds town centre mid evening on Sunday. He’s the luckiest man alive, because he is still alive, it sounds daft, but a ‘Ricky trademark jump’ has probably saved his life. The jump meant he was flipped over the top of the car, hitting the windscreen, rather than getting trapped under it. He was crossing on a green pedestrian light. Whether it was a joyrider, wreckless driving or drunk driving we still don’t know. Police are investigating – we’d like to thank the witnesses that have come forward so far. Ricky has escaped with minor injuries, a broken toe and bruising.”

All I know is, if they don’t find the guy who did this, well, I predict…

Nah, I can’t do it, it’s too easy.

Alternative, Artists, News, Rock

Mariah’s gonna let you in

May 24, 2006 / Captain Capm

Mariah Carey’s on such a high lately that she’s going to take a film crew with her on her upcoming tour. There will be plenty of almost nude boob shots, Carey breaking down while recalling her breakdown while Liberace plays in the background, her sexy secrets regarding her Tommy Mottola days discussed, and all new predictions from Nostradamus. Big fun for all.

Artists, News

If you want to keep your daughter off the pole…

May 23, 2006 / Deb Medsker

…a good first step would be to avoid naming her after Madonna.

gingerbluebell

Sadly, Ginger Spice apparently failed to read that particular memo, as she recently introduced daughter Bluebell Madonna to the world.

“There’s a good reason I picked Madonna as a middle name, too. As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the air as if announcing to the world, ‘Hi! I’m here!’

“She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, ‘Hello Wembley!’ No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and the singer, whom I love.”

So, this poor child has a Spice Girl for a mommy, and she’s named after the original exhibitionist. Yep, there is definitely a spotlight and a bright shiny stripper pole in her future.

Oh, and for the record, it’s probably also a good idea to avoid naming your daughter after a brand of ice cream whose logo includes a giant cow. Just a helpful tip.

Artists, News, Pop

Madonna crucifies your love

May 22, 2006 / Captain Capm

Amazing that the old bag can still piss people off. Madge recently caused some sort of uproar when she appeared crucified on a bejeweled cross during a live show. All the hardcore fans lapped it up, those opposed said nay, and the rest of us just sighed and told her it was really time to put some clothes on. Here’s hoping she does something sexy with Yoko Ono before she bites the big one (Ono, that is). You know it’s going to happen eventually. Madonna will suddenly appear as Mary Magdalene saying how influential and amazing Yoko was and the next thing you see will be both of them half naked and reading headlines from newspapers over a dance beat.