Category: American Idol (Page 31 of 31)

So thankfully the second episode of American Idol, featuring the Denver auditions, was only one hour. Especially because they decided to focus on the awful performers this time and show just a few of the good ones.

It’s really both funny and sad that they always show someone who proclaims to “be the next American Idol,” followed by an abysmal performance by that person. This time that person was Marlos, a young man who also claimed that they had to let him through to the next round because he came so far to be there. When asked where he was from he replied “Denver, Colorado.” Freaking priceless.

Some of the best performers were Lisa Tucker, Simon said was the best 16 year-old ever to enter the competition any year. High praise from the bitter one indeed. There was the 25 year old guy from North Carolina who had a great voice and was inspired by Bo Bice…Simon didn’t like him but he was outvoted. Then there was Rochelle, who brought about 15 of her family members with her and they spelled out her first and last name with letters on t-shirts….Rochelle cried poverty, saying she was evicted from her apartment recently and that she really needed this. Lucky for her she had a killer voice. And note to Rochelle….maybe all that money spent on t-shirts would cover your rent.
There was also the 18 year old cowboy from Wyoming…dude looked like he was 12 but sang decent enough, even though he openly admitted he’s never sang to people before, only to a turkey.

But the bad performers….well, there were so many, but here are a few highlights….
Tiffany, the girl who sand “I Came For the Party”…she came for the party in a short skirt and started humping the air, and still couldn’t sing. There were two contestants who sang awful renditions of Paula Abdul songs, the funniest moment coming when Simon declared “It’s very rare that I hear something better than the original.” Whether you like or dislike Simon, that was hilarious.

Then there was Nick, who called himself “Flawless.” Nick is an “entrepreneur” and that is only in quotes because I’m sure that’s not what he actually said. This kid was dressed in what looked like pajamas, with a baseball cap that was missing its propeller. What a piece of work.
He was followed by invention boy, who claimed to be a triple threat….singer, dance, actor, inventor….uh, dude, that’s four. Anyway, he couldn’t do any of the above..his floating drink coaster invention was ridiculous…and did anyone notice the security guy whisk it away from Paula? Did they think it was going to explode?

They saved the best for last though, as young Zachary showed that even though you can talk like a girl, dress like a girl and sing girl songs, the sack in your pants has something to do with how deep your voice is…and therefore what an idiot you sound like singing Whitney Houston. When he learned he didn’t make it to Hollywood, Zachary broke out the prejudice card. Prejudice against what? Idiots who can’t sing? Guilty as charged.

Before I go, let me say one more thing. To Ryan Seacrest, Paula, Randy and Simon: STOP SAYING THIS IS THE BEST CROP OF TALENT THE SHOW HAS EVER SEEN. Your show gets good ratings every year. Now shut up and focus on just making the show better.

See you next week in Carolina…..

So season 5 of American Idol began Tuesday night (has it really been around for four years?) and immediately I wanted to puke when Ryan Seacrest opened things up. I mean, who out there thinks the show can stand on its own without this no-talent host? He starts things off by trying to paint this picture of American Idol being part of the cultural landscape in our country–right or wrong, stop being so full of yourselves.

The show started out by showing the first contestants who entered in Chicago, and as always, showcased the best and worst of the auditions. Here are some highlights of each:

Best: The Brittenum twins were really good, but 16 year old Joshua and Jarrett were even better. All moved on to Hollywood. An obviously overweight girl named Mandisa had an incredible voice and was escorted to Hollywood, though Simon joked “Is the stage going to be big enough?” David, a Sinatra type crooner, made it to the next round but the judges were reluctant because the show’s history has exposed these types as being one-dimensional. There was also Gina, a singer from the band Catfight, who surprised everyone by belting out a Celine Dion song really well…and by professing her affection for Simon. Then there was David, the guy who talks to animals and does this weird dancing, and really didn’t sing that well….but they let him through to Hollywood because Randy and Paula either wanted to amuse themselves, or it was a ratings ploy.

Worst: Was it the girl who sang “Blue Moon” and kept stopping? The dude that Simon told to shave his beard and put on a dress? The deputy sheriff who came dressed in his real work uniform and sang “I Shot the Sheriff” terribly? Erik, the kid who Simon said “sang like an Aunty,” prompting the kid’s grandmother to want to kick Simon’s ass? The chick who they had to keep bleeping out? The 16 year old girl who was too tan for Simon, but couldn’t sing anyway? The dude dressed like the Statue of Liberty who started singing “Start Spreading–” before Simon said “ok, that’s enough, thank you”? Or Derek Dupree, the one who proclaimed he was the next American Idol, then sucked badly? Actually my vote goes to him, because not only did he segue from “Shout” to XTC’s “Nigel” in a frightening way, but Ryan Seacrest brought him out to the street to get a second opinion and two people laughed at him.

The show ended by showing some atrocious versions of the same song, Patti Labelle’s “Lady Marmalade,” and how every contestant that auditioned with the song butchered it equally.

Boy, I can’t wait to see how the Denver contestants do…..or not. Either way, I do have to say, is there a good reason for a 2 hour premier?