Category: American Idol (Page 30 of 31)

So last night definitely proved one thing. Two hours of “American Idol” is overkill. One hour is just right, so thankfully we only had to endure 60 minutes of the extremely good and extremely bad performers (mostly bad).

The first two contestants in San Francisco had opera backgrounds…..Hawaiian Jessica Simpson wannabe Heidi was like a female version of Adam Sandler’s “Opera Man.” Then this dude tried to do an opera-inspired version of a Gladys Knight song. Are you kidding me?

Some of the highlights were John Williams, a military dude who did a weird Michael Jackson thing but somehow got through. Jose, this dude who sang really well but why the hell did he keep snapping his fingers? Shawna, the 16 year old girl whose dad was in a rock band, was just good enough, but the real winner of the Frisco auditions was a girl named Katharine….if Simon says “absolutely fantastic” you know she is good, and she really was. Look for her to land in the top 12, she was that good.

Ah, and the crap….there was plenty of that as usual. This dude who called himself “Wolfie” thought he was Clay Aiken but looked and sounded more like an accountant. There as a chick who said she quit her job to go audition, but when she sucked Simon Cowell was nice enough (did I just say that?) to call her ex-employer and get the girl her job back.

Some other lowlights were Marcus, who could only sing and rap in falsetto…..Debra, the rocker girl with big blond hair who was in desperate need of a makeover…and Manuel, the kid who used hot sauce to warm up his voice and rubbed a good luck charm that he wore around his neck. He had this scary vibrato going on that just wouldn’t stop, kind of like those fake birthday candles you can’t blow out.

Always looking to gain more ratings, Simon walked off the set before the last audition of the day and went back to his hotel….he and Randy were not seeing eye to eye all day long and Randy kept nagging Simon. But fear not, Cowell will be back in Vegas next week, for what I’m sure will be a grueling two hour show again.

And on a side note, since Subway is one of the American Idol sponsors….I’d like to coin-scratch Jared off of my TV once and for all. And is it just me, or is dude getting fat again? The whole world is going low-carb Jared, it’s time for you to catch up.

I’m out.

So American Idol took its show on the road to Greensboro, North Carolina tonight. They said at the beginning of the show that the Southeast has brought us AI alum such as Clay Aiken, Fantasia, and Bo Bice. But for the two days in Greensboro, not that many made it to Hollywood.

Let’s start with the talent that did make it to Hollywood….Kellie, a 19 year old cute blonde whose mom left her when she was 2 and whose dad is in prison, turned out to be very pleasant and have a monster voice. Hallicia was told by Simon that she was a “natural” and even got to plant a wet one on Simon….right on the lips! Ewwwww. Sgt. Steven had the hots for Paula and even slow danced with her to the delight of Randy and Simon. But the best part is we found out he had a wife who was waiting outside the door. He then said to his wife, “It’s okay, it’s Paula Abdul, she can join in too.” I bet Randy and Simon would pay to watch that. Chase, a large feminine dude who resembled Big Gay Al from “Southpark” amazingly got through to the next round. Paris, a singer with a famous grandmother, gave judges and my wife the chills….I didn’t get chills but predict she is a top 12 finalist. And then we found out Simon had a heart when, as the deciding vote on Jordan, the dude dressed as a firefigher, gave him the green light to Hollywood.

The bad ones tonight were worse than usual….a couple of them claimed that they thought they had good voices because they could sing in the shower or when no one was listening. Uh, not good to put yourself into this situation then right off the bat. Shawn, the dude dressed like a waiter, was awful when he tried to sing standards, but the funniest part was his little brother was mouthing off to the camera about how everyone would be sorry. No doubt Shawn has found his agent. Chonna, who was dressed like a stripper and said that her mom used to be a stripper, was awful as well. Other lowlights were Jimmy Crabtree, who Simon said had the “personality of a hippo”……Sammy, the limp-wristed fat dude who sang Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up” while shaking his mighty large ass….Ronda, who had a cute speaking voice but looked ridiculous in her pink cowboy hat and then said she wants this “more than a bag of gummy bears”…..Richard, whose ventriloquist dummy had more talent than he did…..Marcus, who said he learned how to sing watching his Randy Jackson/Paula Abdul instructional DVD, then after getting rejected promptly destroyed the DVD right there on national TV….and finally, Ronetta, who was dressed like a hooker and sang like, I don’t know, a hooker? She certainly didn’t sing like a singer, and she took it out on Paula.

The show ended with a “Fame” montage, and everything about that was painful to watch. Again, did this show really have to be two hours long? Tomorrow night they are in San Francisco, and I can only imagine what kinds of characters will be on display. Good night all….