It all started so innocently, with a good-natured jab between two comrades in arms about how this album…
…is such a textbook example of “breezy, funky, white-boy pop” that the only antidote to its effects is to spin this album:
And, suddenly, it all went horribly, horribly wrong…
David Medsker: Nugent? Wow, that’s good timing. Have you seen this yet?
Ted Nugent goes OFF on Obama in California
Unfortunately, Red’s going to freaking love this. But the good people at the South Dakota State Fair, however, did not. (Editor’s note: That might be because, based on the Fair’s theme song, which you can hear by clicking on the link to their site in the previous sentence, the organizers would appear to be bigger fans of Orleans than Ted Nugent.)
Red Rocker: Uh, the caption said he was in Cali? And I didn’t hear an objection, if that’s what you were suggesting? Seemed like wherever he was, the crowd was pretty much in his corner…
Jeff Giles: He was asked by the organizers of the SD State Fair to tone down his retarded antics for his planned appearance at the event.
Red: Why?
Jeff: Um, because there are going to be kids at the fair, and they were worried about Nuge threatening more presidential candidates with bodily harm? It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it’s true.
Red: I get that kids attend state fairs, but if their parents are ignorant enough to take them into a Ted Nugent concert then they deserve to be exposed to his Platform For The Everyman.
Jeff: I dunno. At any fair I’ve ever been to, the concerts are open-air, meaning anyone taking a stroll over to the churro cart would be able to hear Nugent spouting off his Platitudes for the Cro-Magnon Buffoon. I can understand the South Dakotans’ concerns, and I, for one, think it’s downright hilarious that Nuge’s career is at a place where he needs to worry about what state fair organizers think of his shenanigans.
David: I’m pretty sure your thoughts on the subject would be much different if, say, Howard Jones told a state fair crowd that George Bush could “suck on this.”
Red: Not really. I didn’t burn my Dixie Chicks CDs a couple years ago. It’s called free speech, Med. Even you hippies embrace that, right!?
David: Free speech, huh? So you would be okay with me cursing like a drunken sailor in front of your daughters?
Red: Again, my daughters (at age 2 and 1) would not be at a Ted Nugent concert! Maybe by the time they’re 13 and 14….
David: Answer the question: would you want me swearing in front of your daughters, yes or no?
Red: I’m not proud to say, Med, but I swear in front of my daughters. What’s your point?
David: Well, I was about to say that the SD State Fair asking Nuge to tone it down was for reasons of decorum, not to neuter his right to free speech on his political views. But since you’ve just established that I can’t appeal to your sense of common decency, I guess I have no point.
Will Harris: What is this kah-mun dee-sin-see of which you speak…?
Mojo Flucke, PhD: That, my friend, is a fair in a nutshell, whether parents like it or not. In high school, I was taught (I kid you not) by a peer in a straw hat something that sounds phonetically like “ah fish dah doo” at one county fair. It is Amish (Pennsylvania Dutch) for “go F a cow.” Up to that point, I had no idea Amish people said things like that. I’m sure my parents would not have been pleased, but, hey, they took me there and let me run around unattended. In my opinion, you just gotta teach your kids right and wrong, and they’ll be able to handle the things like this that come at them when they’re not under your thumb because they’re at the Nuge show. Or Jane’s Addiction. Or the Michael Moore movie.
Red: Okay, maybe my point wasn’t completely lost….
Mojo: I’ve never really used that phrase to tell someone to go F a cow. Instead, I trot it out from time to time as an example of crazy things we learned about life at county fairs. That, and crashing cars on purpose in the demolition derby. Man, was that a killer event. Especially when the fires happened.
Ed Murray: “What I Learned At the County Fair” by Mojo Flucke, PhD. Sounds like a Bullz-Eye feature to me…
Mojo: Oh, if we’re going that route, another life lesson (this is a true tale): If you eat a large order of beer batter onion rings and immediately ride the Gravitron, there’s a 50-50 chance that when you puke, it will be before the Gravitron stops spinning.
Jeff: Of course parents have the ultimate responsibility for their kids. But don’t you see how the South Dakota State Fair organizers might have watched this Nuge footage and felt like it would probably be a good idea to get in touch with his reps (or inbred cousins, whichever the case may be) to make it clear they’re running a family-friendly affair? It’s just good business sense. And it isn’t like they’d lose much if Nugent dropped off the bill. I’m pretty sure .38 Special camps out in South Dakota eleven months out of the year, just waiting for Sturgis.
Kurt Torster: Well, would you want to cart two drum sets around?
Jeff: Good Lord, can they still afford two drummers?
Kurt: No idea. I love 38 Special but I know I can’t be the only one who thought that one of the dumbest things EVER in rock was having two drummers.
Mojo: This is a great discussion. In the end, it’s the fair organizers’ fault for rolling the dice and booking Nuge IMHO. Recalling county fairs of my youth up thar in Fulton County, Ohio, us kids was doing lots of drinkin’, smokin’, making out, and screwin’ back behind the Gravitron…sometimes with something other than the blue ribbon sheep, too! Free political speech should be the least of parents’ worries in that environment.
Jeff: I would just like to point out that “free political speech” and “threatening presidential candidates” are two different things. Always have been. Connecting the dots between this and the Dixie Chicks thing would take a whole box of crayons.
Red: Hey, I can respect the fact that Medsker and Giles don’t own guns and can’t wait to vote for Hillary. I don’t own a gun either, but I’m not ready to castrate Sweaty Teddy for waving one around at his concert. At the end of the day, this is why I gave up state fairs. 25yrs ago.
Jeff: It ain’t about the gun and you know it.
Red: No, you’re right. It’s about you not liking Ted Nugent because he’s a Republican. Hhmm…so Nuge was “threatening” presidential candidates in saying “suck on this”?? I wonder, then, why he wasn’t carted off stage in handcuffs and booked into custody!? That’s against the law right??
Jeff: How very presumptuous of you. I like lots of Republicans. This is about me not liking Ted Nugent because he’s an idiot. Tell you what, Red: I’ll book you a flight to DC and build you a little podium. Hell, I’ll even buy you a bullhorn and a rifle. You go stand on a sidewalk somewhere in the city and start yelling the same stuff Nuge did on that stage. Let’s see how long it takes you to attract the attention of Johnny Law. (It would make for an awesome Bullz-Eye feature, at the very least.) No, Mr. Wang Dang wasn’t carted off in handcuffs, but I’d be willing to wager that he received some type of contact from the Secret Service. Those folks tend not to think stuff like this is very funny.
Red: So the fact that his “targets” were Hillary and Obama had nothing to do with your reacting the way you did?
Jeff: I’m touched that you feel like you know me well enough to make that assumption, but no, it didn’t. I’m a little puzzled by what you seem to be intimating here, in fact. Are you saying that joking about assassination is funny as long as you’re a member of the opposing party?
Kurt: Am I the only one who finds this whole thing funny period? It’s fucking Ted Nugent! Who looks to Ted for political advice? Holy shit, I swing to the right but in no way do I want to be associated with this overrated blabbermouth anymore than a lot of the left want to be associated with blobbermouth Michael Moore. Get it, blobbermouth? Cause he’s fat! Oh just shoot me Ted…
Red: Look, I didn’t interpret Nuge’s rant to be about assassination. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not even his #1 fan…although Live Gonzo kicks ass! I just think you guys over-reacted to a drunken, testosterone-charged, radical but otherwise harmless display of emotion. I don’t know you at all, you’re right, and who you vote for next year is your business. My points this morning (free speech and good parenting) were clearly lost in the shuffle. As much as I would love to pour another cup of coffee and entertain you all another couple hours, I have a doctor’s appointment to keep. Hugs and kisses….
TO BE CONTINUED…?!?!?
Actually, yes. Several hours later, Jason Thompson crawled out of bed and chimed in.
Jason Thompson: Holy crap, I wake up to 40-plus replies on this? Ted Nugent at a state fair doesn’t deserve this much discussion at all. It’s a state fair, meaning only people born with no thumbs and three nipples stuffing an orifice of choice with kettle corn are going to be seeing the dude.
Mojo: I have thumbs and the normal number of nipples, thank you very much, you fair-hating bigot (ha ha). I did however, decline a recent invitation to the annual Nuge-n-Cooper “Whiplash Bash” concert held on New Year’s Eve at the Toledo Sports Arena.
Robert Smola: Crap, another one I would love to see, mainly for the Coop… I am such a loser and wish I had an extra nipple…
Mojo: I think tickets are about fifty cents–and they give you 12 beer tickets to go with it, too. They only serve Schaefer Light, though, but after the first quart, what’s the diff, right? The real “cost” of attending the show is the body/frame damage to your car, getting out of the parking lot amongst the revelers at the end. But if you have good collision and a low deductible, I’ve been told it’s a one-of-a-kind experience.
Jason: So the Coop would come out and throw his golf clubs under the guillotine then? Classic! I jest, I love the Coop. Or are we talking about Al Kooper? I can definitely see him being relegated to the state fair circuit these days. On the other hand, if this were Chicago reuniting with Peter Cetera at a state fair, then we’d truly have something to discuss here!
Robert: Peter Cetera with Chicago? If it happened, I’m in…as sad as that is. Jason, I’ll drive to the show, so you can drink!
And, suddenly, we have a new slogan:
Bullz-Eye.com:
For all your Ted Nugent and Peter Cetera needs, accept no substitutes.
