Last night was the final stop on the “American Idol” audition tour–in San Antonio, Texas. Mercifully, we have reached the end of the portion of this season where they weed out the really bad singers and show us a few good ones that get to advance to Hollywood.
Some of the highlights of last night’s auditions included Bailey Brown, a 16-year-old cute blonde chick (is it just me or is America producing chicks like this who can actually sing at an alarming rate?). Bailey sang Faith Hill pretty flawlessly. Then there were the cousins, Akron and William. William went first and was awful, singing “Amazing Grace” like an off-key Fat Albert. But Akron fared much better, and even though Simon said his performance was boring, he sang good enough to advance.
18-year-old Ashley didn’t make it through the first time, because she sang really well but was one of those singers who puts more effort into technique and facial expression than actual vocals and melody. For a change, Randy and Paula said no, and Simon actually liked her. So what did they do? They gave her a second chance. This time, her facial expressions were even more pronounced. The judges agreed that Ashley has some bad habits, but they also agreed to let her fix those habits in Hollywood.
Finally, there was Jimmy McNeal, who closed out the show with “Cupid” and Randy called him a “little Ruben,” referring to Season 2’s enormous champ. This guy was really good and he had a charisma that could take him far.
Then, of course, we had the duds….
First, there was Bryan, who sang Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell” and pretty much yelled the whole song. Look, Bryan, you can fool a drunk Paula Abdul some of the time….
Jasmine Holland was a terrible singer and the judges were kind of snickering as she sang. She said this was “rude,” and really, it kind of was. But then it got comical when she said to Randy Jackson: “Who are YOU anyway? What have you ever done besides this show?”
Sandie sang “Black Velvet” from the back of her throat like she had Cher stuck in there. Simon said it was almost like a language he couldn’t recognize, and that was pretty accurate.
Finally there was Jake Tudor, who Simon said should be singing in a dark bedroom somewhere. Jake accepted the judges’ comments, then proceeded to bleepity bleep them all on the way out. A fitting end to the horror that made up a lot of this season’s primary auditions.
But wait, there’s more. Just when you thought the show was ready to move on to Hollywood, they gave us a glimpse of tonight’s show. They are going to show us all the bad auditions from the seven cities that they haven’t yet shown us. Ugg. Hey Fox, what did I do to deserve this? I’ll do anything…even go buy your sponsors’ stupid products. Okay, okay, if it’s only for one more night.
See you all tomorrow. And after that, it’s welcome to Hollywood BAY-BEE.
