Month: June 2006 (Page 6 of 12)

Former slutbag goes jazzy

While Britney is busy chewing gum on TV defending her shallow marriage and parenting skills, Christina Aguilera is busy reinventing herself as “Baby Jane.” It’s all part of a plan for her tour for her next album. Baby Jane’s gonna be playing small jazz clubs and getting real, proving she’s the genuine artist, shedding her former hobag status and trying to pull off some kind Madonna type transformation. Problem is, when Madonna did that whole jazzy thing via the I’m Breathless album, no one gave a damn (but to be fair, I’ve always felt it was one of her groovier albums if only because it was fluff). We’ll see how Christina fares in non-smoky jazz clubs filled to the brim with all her little fans wanting to hear those old hits of yore. She’d better watch out though, as she’s stepping dangerously close to Richard Cheese territory, and we all know Mr. Cheese is the best thing out there when it comes to lounge pop done right.

Jared Leto is the new Winona Ryder

jaredjess

He hasn’t started shoplifting. And it’s not his new goth-black hairdo — which makes him look more like Clay Aiken via k.d. lang, anyway. No, Jared has been crowned the new Winona because he just can’t seem to keep himself from seducing all the hot new names in movies and music…no matter where they’ve been.

Granted, Winona mostly restricts herself to grungy musician types (think Dave Pirner, Evan Dando, Dave Grohl, and Beck…among many, many, many, many, many others)…but aren’t rock stars about as Hollywood as they come? And don’t forget, she’s the real reason behind that “Wino Forever” tattoo on the arm of one Johnny Depp, once the king of young Hollywood.

As for Jared, we cut him plenty of slack when he was linked with Cameron Diaz back in the day. Who wouldn’t want to hit that? We gave him a waiver for his dalliance with Scarlett Johannsen for the same reason.

But Jared has also been linked with the likes of a pre-K-Fed Britney Spears; Ashley Olsen; Lindsay Lohan…and, most recently, Jessica Simpson.

The expression “a kid in a candy store” comes to mind…but Jared, just because you can have all the candy you want doesn’t mean you’re supposed to grab the stuff that has fallen on the floor and been passed around the room a few times. Be at least a little choosy. Your body will thank you for it later.

And yet, despite their similarities, Jared is probably the most envied man in Hollywood right now…while Winona is just a dirty, dirty whore.

After 42 years, the “Top” has popped.

After 42 years on the air, during which time everyone and their brother appeared to mime their hit single, the BBC has decided to close up shop on “Top of the Pops.”

“The decision to bring the show to an end after 42 years has not been taken lightly,” said BBC director of television Jana Bennett, “and over the past few years every effort has been made to maintain the quality and distinctiveness of the show. However the BBC’s Creative Review Music Strategy has concluded that in a rapidly changing musical landscape, ‘Top of the Pops’ no longer occupies the central role it once did.”

Well, it happened to “American Bandstand.” I guess it was inevitable that it would happen to “Top of the Pops” eventually, too. But who will ever forget John Lennon’s famous question to his fellow Beatles…?

John Lennon: “Where we goin’ fellas!?”

Paul, George, and Ringo: “To the top!”

John Lennon: “What top?!”

Paul, George, and Ringo: “The toppermost of the poppermost, Johnny!”

Not anymore, lads.

Pete Doherty busted again

I’ve only recently come to know this guy through his drug antics and none of his music and already I’m fucking sick of him. But hey, Pete Doherty has been busted once again, this time in Sweden for being under the influence of kokain and a tranquilizer. Rock on. In the meantime, more meaningful (and crappy yet more interesting) artists are working in new things and not staying famous for their drug habits. Jesus, even Scott Weiland has kept out of the reaches of the law longer than this goofball lately, and that’s saying something.

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