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Now we know why Bono is so pompous

Because he’s gay! Well, he and the rest of U2 are gay in the horrid slash comic In My Youth. Thrill to the boys of U2 loving each other through the eyes of some female fans who draw some pretty shitty art. Per the FAQ,

“In My Youth is a slash comic intended to portray (in a funny manner) the early days of the rock group U2. The general pairing is Bono/Edge, Adam/Larry, although there will sometimes be exceptions to this.”

How about Bono with himself? Oh wait, we already have that in reality.

The search for Satanic RAWK ends here!

Finally! I hope you all didn’t think I had forgotten my quest to dig into some Satanic rock. It’s been a long search for the best shit in this category, having been sidetracked by too many Jesus-lovin’ freaks who are scared of anything that doesn’t rawk for the Lord. Now mind you, I didn’t actually waste my time listening to any of these shitty bands’ music, but I would like to present to you via Ruthless Reviews, The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time and its follow up, The Other Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time.

I know, one look at any of these dudes and you’re asking yourself, “Why would anyone want to listen to any of the shit these guys are creating?” You got me. I’m sure these pics are more entertaining than any of the music, so suffice it to say I can finally put down my satanic hunting tools and go to bed full rested, knowing that I entertained someone out there in Internet land somewhere. Amen.

How can it be wrong when it feels so right?

Is it wrong to punch Kevin Federline repeatedly in the face while wearing metal-studded leather gloves? We think not.

Is it wrong to continue punching him until the flesh falls from his face, revealing the bare, empty skull beneath? Again, we think not.

Is it wrong to punch his visibly pregnant, baby-clutching wife Britney Spears every time she steps in front of Kevin to protect him, or to purposely punch her baby so that she will drop the child and thereby leave Kevin more vulnerable? Surely, this cannot be wrong.

At least, we don’t think so. And neither do the makers of this videogame.

Hollywood Chamber of Commerce unleashes new round of strife

Matt Damon is in; Ben Affleck’s still out. Tim McGraw will appear, but his lovely wife hasn’t made the grade. Always ripe for debate, next year’s list of new stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is a doozy.

Okay, Michael Caine and Michelle Pfeiffer have clearly earned their stripes…but Erik Estrada? Barbara Walters, yes; Robert Altman, fine…LeAnn Rimes?! What the hell?!

And then there’s the whole issue of Puff Doofus. Never mind that the Walk of Fame is presumably designed to recognize creative contributions to the arts…and electronically sampling the creative musical contributions of others hardly seems to qualify…what name is Puff Dingle going to put on the star? Do they make stars big enough to hold all his nicknames?

Actually, what we think is going to happen is that they’ll address the invitation to “Puff Daddy,” but that’ll be scratched out and then replaced with “P Diddy,” and then that’ll get scribbled out and replaced with something illegible…so as far as we know, Prince is going to show up at the ceremony instead…which, frankly, will be a vast improvement.

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