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Yawn. A new Smithereens album.

Why the yawning for one of my favorite bands of all time? Because it’s been seven years since the band’s last studio album, and they’re breaking their silence with…an album of covers. Okay, sure, it’s a cute gimmick – the album’s called Meet the Smithereens, and they’ve re-recorded Meet the Beatles in its entirety – but a less devout fan might well suggest that the band’s running creatively dry…

File under: It’s about damn time

Britney Spears has filed for divorce, according to multiple reports. The petition cites “irreconcilable differences” as the official reason for the divorce…presumably because there was no box to check for “husband is a freeloading, weed-smoking, backstabbing career killer.”

In other news: The birds are singing, the clouds have parted to reveal glorious blue skies…and Kevin Federline is available to perform at your holiday office party, should you require his services.

Mix Disc Monday: Rainy Day Songs

You know how some songs were just meant for rainy days? I started this list and it had a few songs with ”rain” in the title, but I thought that was kind of cheating. Leaving that out made things more interesting. This is a good mix to sit on your front porch (under cover, of course) and watch the rain as you listen to some cool tunes.

“Jane,” Ben Folds Five (The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner)
Ben has a lot of songs that could have wound up on this list, but “Jane” earns that distinction with its minor key and somewhat somber mood.

“So at Last,” Butch Walker (Letters)
Butch is singing about Southern California in this song, but there is no denying the rainy day feel of it. I’d be really surprised if Butch wasn’t in Minneapolis on a crappy day when he wrote it.

“Let It Die,” Feist (Let It Die)
The aching beauty of this song can practically inflict wounds on the human body. This is Leslie Feist at her best.

“Cold Again,” Freedy Johnston (This Perfect World)
You can almost feel the chilly air as Mr. Johnston sings about walking over the Brooklyn Bridge. You can also probably taste the half-burnt, half-frozen pretzel from a New York City street vendor.

“Flair,” Josh Rouse (Dressed Up Like Nebraska)
This album is full of up-tempo jangly acoustic rock songs. But this one is dark and somber and awesome all at the same time.

“After Tomorrow,” LUCE (LUCE)
This track is more optimistic than sad lyrically, but the overall vibe is perfect for gray skies.

“Jen Is Bringin’ the Drugs,” Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s (The Dust of Retreat)
Here is how the lyrics start: “Jen is bringin’ the drugs / She wants to get real fucked up.” I mean, it’s not a bad idea on a rainy day.

“Don’t Believe,” Marjorie Fair (Self Help Serenade)
Most of the debut album from this band has that dreamy, underwater feel to it. And it’s bordering on brilliant.

“Suburbia,” Matthew Good (Beautiful Midnight)
One of the best under-the-radar albums of the last 10 years, Matthew Good must have written this entire album when he was in a real funk. And, you know, that always makes for the best music.

“You Just Forgot,” Mindy Smith (Long Island Shores)
This one was released maybe a month ago. Being fresh in my mind may have helped the song land here, but I think maybe it will still be a great rainy day track 10 years from now. What a voice on this chick.

“You Are Mine,” Mute Math (Mute Math)
A stunning song from a stunning debut. This is movie soundtrack material.

“Things behind the Sun,” Nick Drake (Pink Moon)
Quite honestly, you could put this song on the list 15 times and forget about the other 14. But that would be way less fun.

“Salesman at the Day of the Parade,” Rogue Wave (Descended Like Vultures)
Does Sub Pop sign any acts that don’t make rainy day songs? Not really.

“God of Wine,” Third Eye Blind (Third Eye Blind)
The last four tracks on the band’s debut album are so depressing yet somehow so compelling. Pass me the bottle.

“Windmills,” Toad the Wet Sprocket (Dulcinea)
This track will make you remember why you fell in love with Toad in the first place. Glen Phillips is my freaking hero, and this incredible song is one of his best.

Well it’s a nice day for a…White Christmas

Okay, I’m actually deeply, ridiculously addicted to both Christmas music covers and Billy Idol…so this album should be a good idea, right?

Sigh.

What have they done to my Billy? First they cleaned him up and put him in a spiffy suit and silk shirt with nary a rip, metal stud, nor mesh insert to be found…and then they completed his emasculation by giving him the lamest track list ever:

• Frosty the Snowman
• Silver Bells
• Happy Holidays
• Merry Christmas Baby
• White Christmas
• Here Comes Santa Claus
• God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
• Santa Claus Is Back In Town
• Let It Snow
• Winter Wonderland
• Run Rudolph Run
• Blue Christmas
• Jingle Bell Rock
• Christmas Love
• Oh Christmas Tree
• Silent Night
• Auld Lang Syne

Seriously, does anyone ever need to sing “Jingle Bell Rock” again? Especially if they are not even going to be allowed to, you know, rock on it? And, please: Frosty the Freakin’ Snowman? Where’s Billy supposed to slip in his trademark sneer on that one?

Videos for “White Christmas” (which, no, does not feature any improvised lyrics from “White Wedding” mixed in — another missed opportunity) and the dreaded “Jingle Bell Rock” are available on Billy’s MySpace page…but if you’re looking for Christmas music with an edge, you’d be better off checking out Collective Soul’s kickass cover of “Blue Christmas” or, if you can find it, Bad Religion’s decidedly raucous “Silent Night” (which breaks into, of all things, a riff from “My Sharona” at one point).

Check out the videos and streaming mp3s if you want to. Meanwhile, I’ll be over in the corner, fiendishly plotting the slow and painful demise of whoever sanded all the rough edges off my rebel hero.

Van Halen: The new Partridge Family, with 100% more drugs

TMZ says that Eddie Van Halen has found a replacement for bassist Michael Anthony: his 15-year-old son, Wolfgang “Wolfie” Van Halen.

Two interesting bits about this piece of news. For starters, how do you think Wolfie’s mother, former Mrs. Eddie Van Halen Valerie Bertinelli, feels about her high school-age son going on the road with a man who looks like this, father or not? Yumpin’ yiminy.

Second of all, when the hell did Michael Anthony leave Van Halen? Maybe I took that day off, I don’t know, but it didn’t pop up on my radar at all.

Anyway, Van Halen is now Deadie, Alex and Wolfgang. Maybe they can get Marty from “Rock Star: INXS” to sing lead. He has kind of a DLR thing going.

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