Category: News (Page 97 of 136)

Keef Richards is in a New Zealand hospital after suffering a mild concussion. No, the concussion didn’t involve a syringe and whatever he shoots into these days. Apparently he fell out of a tree. Just like the monkey that was dead.

“A newspaper report Sunday said Richards was flown to Auckland’s Ascot Hospital on Thursday after the accident. Hospital duty manager Steve Kirby would not comment on whether Richards was a patient there, citing the hospital’s privacy policy.”

Get well soon, Keef. Something tells me your veins are having a good time at the doctor’s, though.

Not that I was holding my breath, but 50 Cent/Michael Jackson song arranged by DJ Whoo Kid is all a bunch of baloney. Kid claims that he doesn’t know who made the story up and is as perplexed as anyone else out there by the news. Still, that doesn’t stop Jackson from denying anything. Of course, his career has coasted on speculation and bullshit for years now, so he’s used to it. He’s just as likely to record a duet with any imaginary friends he’s picked up in Bahrain. Gee, remember the good old days when Mikey would duet with McCartney, Jagger, or…E.T.? Yeah, those were some great times. Who knew?

Wa-hey! It’s almost time for summer, kids, and you know what that means. That’s right, hot summer tours featuring all your favorite headliners like Ashlee Simpson! Get ready because Simpson’s gonna kick off a 32-date tour on June 5, so get your tickets now. Will she lip sync? Will she fall prey to laryngitis after one song? Will she collapse from fatigue from just walking out onto the stage? Will she blame her band for all of these things? Only you can find out if you have what it takes to see The Nose on tour! I think I’d actually go if someone gave me a free ticket, just to have a great tale to tell the grandkids later on. Knowing Simpson, she’ll probably find a way to say she tripped over her nose and will have to cancel all remaining dates because of the shame.

Not to be outdone by the middle aged Material Girl, opportunist Kanye West has decided to play Coachella as well this year. It’s sure to be a treat for all those Tool and Sigur Ros fans. Make no mistake. If you want your shit pimped out, you want Kanye to do it. Everyone knows the man’s turds are as golden as anything else he creates. It’s just too bad that our fave Scotty Stampp won’t be there. He coulda got up there with Depeche Mode and sung “Personal Jesus” with them. No matter. I’m sure West will be bucking to do just that as well.