Alicia Keys has signed onto the cast of the film adaptation of “The Nanny Diaries.” This is her second major film role, coming on the heels of her role in “Smokin’ Aces,” the upcoming Affleck-tacular action flick where Keys plays an assassin.
So, basically, kids, if Alicia Keys is your nanny…? Don’t f*** with her.
Despite having concluded her well-documented, three-year “farewell” tour, aging plastic surgery addict Cher is in discussions with Caesars Palace to take over the Coliseum stage once Celine Dion concludes her lengthy run there. Cher will reportedly make $60 million in the deal.
Of course, if Caesars management is smart, they’ll start Cher’s run a day early, and put her on the stage with Dion without informing either one of them they’ll have to share the spotlight. Maybe snatch up Barbra Streisand as well. Throw these three on stage together unannounced, call it the Diva Trifecta Extravaganza, and let them jostle for position throughout the show. Babs would have the edge with her perfectly manicured, tiger-lady nails, but both Cher and Dion can throw a mean elbow, so the combatants would be fairly evenly matched.
Then, just as the trio has finally achieved equilibrium and begun singing the grand finale, “My Heart Would Go On If I Could Turn Back Time to the Way We Were,” management lets loose all of Sigfried & Roy’s white tigers onto the stage (hey, they’re not working; they need something to do) with zero supervision.
That would be the best Vegas show ever.
Sadly, June Pointer – the youngest of the Pointer Sisters – died of cancer yesterday. She was only 52.
The Pointer Sisters may have been off the charts for awhile, but when they were on them, man, they were on them a lot. VH-1 Classic has done a fair amount to raise their profile a bit in recent years, but just take a gander at these hits:
“Automatic”
“Neutron Dance”
“I’m So Excited”
“Slow Hand”
“Jump (For My Love)”
“Dare Me”
“Should I Do It”
“American Music”
“Goldmine”
“Fire”
“He’s So Shy”
Every one of those tracks was a top-40 hit…and seven of them made it into the top 10.
Now playing…what else?
The Pointer Sisters, Greatest Hits.
And wouldn’t you know it…? “Neutron Dance” is on right now.
Yeah, big surprise there. On a recent shoot for Cheri Dennis’ latest video, Puff Diddy Kong caused the shoot’s budget to skyrocket. How did he do that? Well, he wanted his own trailer and two bottles of Cristal, homie! They only had $100,000 to shoot the video, but Also Ditty Zarathustra’s demands exceeded the budget. Hey P. Dinky, why don’t you just drink a four-o and show some fuckin’ respect? Cristal’s the most overrated crunk juice ever. Hmmm. I wonder if I could create a new Cristal energy drink and reap fortunes from this goon.
Everyone’s favorite white trash pop princess, Britney Spears, received a visit from the fine folks at Child Welfare this past Saturday afternoon. The officials offered little details, except to say that it was a “very standard, routine patrol request,” but conspiracy theorists have immediately jumped to the conclusion that it’s because of the goings-on a few weeks back, when Britney held her 4-month-old son, Cletus…I mean, Sean Preston, in her lap – rather than putting him in a car seat – in an attempt to evade paparazzi.
There is no truth to the rumor that Britney doesn’t even know how to work the car seat.
Probably.
UPDATE: People Magazine is now reporting that Sean Preston fell and hit his head as a result of his high chair breaking. Here’s a pic of Britney leaving the hospital with him:
Leave it to that woman to make her child’s hospital visit into a P.R. stop…
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