Late last year, after the annual Bullz-Eye holiday party, a couple members of the music staff did what they do best: they bellied up to the bar and drank some more. We began talking about bands we wish we had seen while we had the chance, which led to a conversation about which bands we’d like to see get back together. Along with some obscure favorites (we will not sleep until Sugarbomb makes another record), the three bands that we all wanted to see get back together were the Police, Squeeze, and Crowded House.
It is now six months later, and guess who’s coming to a shed, pub, or coliseum near you? Yep, the Police, Squeeze, and Crowded House.
What this means, of course, is that we have magical powers, and that by merely wishing something to be, it soon is. It also means that it was only a matter of time before we were wholly corrupted by our newfound abilities, and what began as a good-natured chat about bands that left too soon became a diatribe about which bands just need to freaking stop already. It was therefore decided: for every band that we reunite, another band must be torn asunder. Below is an example of each.
Band that should break up: U2
Listen to the Irish pre-grunge rockers’ grungy early-’80s anthems – such as “Sunday Bloody Sunday” and “New Year’s Day” – and you hear passion. Fire. Something to live for, and possibly, to die for. The Joshua Tree was the creative and sales apex for the band, and it’s been downhill for the two decades since.
After the live Rattle & Hum album, U2 reinvented itself as an upscale dance-rock band, a pretty cool parlor trick. But their problem was, there was no substance behind the beats, and the band’s relevance eroded. By the time the band rolled into 1997, it had become a parody of itself, promoting its “Pop” tour at K-Marts and hemorrhaging money when no one came to the shows.
It’s 2007, folks. No one’s denying U2’s recaptured its politically astute fan base, but it took terrorism on a massive scale – and the band’s touching, reverent salute to the victims at the following Super Bowl halftime – to get them back. They’re off again, doing poppy, say-little-if-anything tunes, trying to speak to the iPod generation on TV commercials. It’s time for Bono to become the mature, full-time political ambassador we know he can be, and reap the humanitarian good his name and reputation can accomplish. It’s time for The Edge to validate his quirky technique by launching a guitar school. As for the other two guys, they’ll make fine A&R men for record labels. But please, break up the band. There’s nothing left for them to say.– Mojo Flucke, Ph.D.
Band that should reunite: Elastica
Elastica was a band out of time not once, but twice. On their 1995 debut, when they were ripping off Blondie, the Stranglers and Wire – literally, in some cases – their Brit Pop peers were writing love letters to Paul Weller, John Lennon, Scott Walker and Ray Davies. When they finally got around to releasing their second (and last) album The Menace in 2000, the British music scene was mining the mellow gold of Travis and Coldplay, while Radiohead had finally succumbed to the robots. Elastica, meanwhile, were considered hangers-on to a defunct scene that they never belonged to in the first place. Deciding that the band was more trouble than it was worth, lead singer Justine Frischmann threw in the towel in 2001.
If she only knew what the future held. Dance rockers Franz Ferdinand are one of the biggest bands in the world, and the Arctic Monkeys, who reinvented both ‘quirky’ and ‘angular,’ are bigger than Jesus in England. The Futureheads and Shiny Toy Guns? They’re practically Elastica spinoff groups, a la General Public and Fine Young Cannibals forming from the ashes of the English Beat. You know how labels used to re-release the same song a decade after it first charted (Hello, Benny Mardones’ “Into the Night”)? “Your Arse, My Place” would be a Top 10 hit on modern rock radio right now, if given the chance.
Your moment has finally arrived, Justine. Give Donna and Annie a ring and get together for a drink or two. Dust off the gear, plug in, and take these drooling synthesizer dorks to school. –David Medsker
To see the rest of the bands that should break up and bands that should reunite, click here.
