But not for his lousy music. No, Mr. New Age Crapola was arrested for a domestic dispute with his girlfriend. Almost like the Jackson Browne thing, but not quite, although he did throw his honey’s clothes on the floor and then shook her, threw her on the bed and pounced on her. Rarrr! Yanni a wild man? Who knew? Maybe his own fuzak has finally driven him to insanity and he needed to get his frustrations out. And who better than one of his zombie faithful who finds that crap entertaining?
Category: Artists (Page 240 of 262)
What did Bruce Springsteen ever do for me? Nothing. And he will continue to do so. His music may speak to a ton of blue collar grease monkeys revving it up on the ave. to impress some beehive coiffed mama with an archaic name, but it only puts me to sleep. I’ve tried to “get into” the guy a few times, but it’s pointless. The first time was when Born In The U.S.A. was released. I was 11 or 12 years old then and the video for “Dancing In The Dark” was getting heavy rotation on such shows as “Radio 1990,” “Night Flight,” and “Friday Night Videos.” Yeah, our cable company didn’t carry MTV at the time, so I had to make do with whatever music shows were on USA or NBC. Anyway, I liked that song enough to ask for the album for Christmas. And so I got it. And so I thought the rest was shit. Tracks like “Darlington County,” “I’m Goin’ Down,” and “I’m On Fire” really made me want to go out and hurt someone. That last tune is one I often like to sing, along with Styx’s “Don’t Let It End” and Don McLean’s “American Pie” when I really want to annoy everyone.
I wound up giving that gift away, and didn’t look back. I got older and thought maybe I needed to rediscover Bruce. So I went out and bought the shitty first album and the so-so second one. I still couldn’t do it. God, he sucked. Why had I fooled myself into thinking this dude was going to interest me in the slightest? His lyrics are so goddamned epicly cornball and the music is the aural equivalent of cock stroking at its most ridiculous. And guesss what? My ears have never been to Nebraska nor were they Born To Run. And they never will. This is cigarette packs rolled up in your sleeve with your hair greased back music and it’s not even that because it just wants to be that and therefore sucks big pipe. Bruce, I hate your crummy music and couldn’t care less if you play 4 hour shows. Losing bits of my life to your songs is not at all entertainment.
Time for a new pearl Jam album. Big deal, you say? Yeah, I’m right there with you. Having never cared for the band, even in their prime, it’s harder to care about them now when it seems like the band members should all be working at Kmart. But they’re going forward with a self-titled new album that finds its inspiration in George W. Bush’s reelection. Can you say “dated within 5 minutes?” I knew that you could. Hey I’ll be the first to stand up and say “I didn’t vote for that guy either time,” but albums like these are doomed for the cheap bin. “Hey man, remember when Eddie Vedder really stuck it to Dubya on that album of Pearl Jam’s?” Gee, who hasn’t stuck it to Dubya by now?
Like anyone should be surprised. Justin Timberlake claims songwriting takes too long! Something to do with it not fitting in to his “busy lifestyle” or whatnot. But really, after coming out of N Sync, where you just gotta stand around and look good, why waste time on developing a real talent? Oh wait, I forget, he can dance and sing like Michael Jackson. So could Corey Feldman (at least on the dancing part), and we all know what happened to Corey, right? Feldman could kick Timberlake’s ass any day. Just give him some coke and a smile.
You need more reality, don’tcha? No? Too bad, because Lil’ Kim has a new show on BET called Countdown To Lockdown. Focusing on Kim’s last two weeks of freedom before being incarcerated. “We take an unblinking look at her life and her choices, and the consequences of those choices,” says BET President of Entertainment Reginald Hudlin. Gee, now if I only cared. Someone’s gonna be glued to the set in tears, though. Stop the world, I’m getting off.
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