Author: Captain Capm (Page 91 of 118)

After her last album was the first not to go platinum, Jewel returns to business as usually boring for her new platter, Goodbye Alice in Wonderland. Sez Jewel of her fans’ reaction to the 0304 album and its dancey single “Intuition,”

“Anyone that really listened heard a smart record with good storytelling,” she says. “I didn’t fluff out or compromise; if I was going, ‘Ooh baby baby’ or ‘Come on, uh-huh, uh-huh,’ we might all worry about me. But I was getting into electronic music and dance remixes. I can’t believe people didn’t get it.”

Actually, Jewel, if you did sing those kinds of things instead, I might buy one of your crummy little albums.

“The game gets tiring for me,” she says. “I am very committed to this record, but after that, I don’t want to stay as visible. I’d like to put out some smaller records, maybe a jazz standard or a country record. I’ve been competitive my whole life, and now I’d like to work out of my house more. I might even start looking into having a family in a couple years.”

Oh boy another jazz standard album by a boring poppie. I just want to punch her in the mouth so that twisted tooth of hers will finally fall out.

Keef Richards is in a New Zealand hospital after suffering a mild concussion. No, the concussion didn’t involve a syringe and whatever he shoots into these days. Apparently he fell out of a tree. Just like the monkey that was dead.

“A newspaper report Sunday said Richards was flown to Auckland’s Ascot Hospital on Thursday after the accident. Hospital duty manager Steve Kirby would not comment on whether Richards was a patient there, citing the hospital’s privacy policy.”

Get well soon, Keef. Something tells me your veins are having a good time at the doctor’s, though.

Not that I was holding my breath, but 50 Cent/Michael Jackson song arranged by DJ Whoo Kid is all a bunch of baloney. Kid claims that he doesn’t know who made the story up and is as perplexed as anyone else out there by the news. Still, that doesn’t stop Jackson from denying anything. Of course, his career has coasted on speculation and bullshit for years now, so he’s used to it. He’s just as likely to record a duet with any imaginary friends he’s picked up in Bahrain. Gee, remember the good old days when Mikey would duet with McCartney, Jagger, or…E.T.? Yeah, those were some great times. Who knew?

Wa-hey! It’s almost time for summer, kids, and you know what that means. That’s right, hot summer tours featuring all your favorite headliners like Ashlee Simpson! Get ready because Simpson’s gonna kick off a 32-date tour on June 5, so get your tickets now. Will she lip sync? Will she fall prey to laryngitis after one song? Will she collapse from fatigue from just walking out onto the stage? Will she blame her band for all of these things? Only you can find out if you have what it takes to see The Nose on tour! I think I’d actually go if someone gave me a free ticket, just to have a great tale to tell the grandkids later on. Knowing Simpson, she’ll probably find a way to say she tripped over her nose and will have to cancel all remaining dates because of the shame.