Author: Captain Capm (Page 81 of 118)

The search for Satanic RAWK ends here!

Finally! I hope you all didn’t think I had forgotten my quest to dig into some Satanic rock. It’s been a long search for the best shit in this category, having been sidetracked by too many Jesus-lovin’ freaks who are scared of anything that doesn’t rawk for the Lord. Now mind you, I didn’t actually waste my time listening to any of these shitty bands’ music, but I would like to present to you via Ruthless Reviews, The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time and its follow up, The Other Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time.

I know, one look at any of these dudes and you’re asking yourself, “Why would anyone want to listen to any of the shit these guys are creating?” You got me. I’m sure these pics are more entertaining than any of the music, so suffice it to say I can finally put down my satanic hunting tools and go to bed full rested, knowing that I entertained someone out there in Internet land somewhere. Amen.

Rush detained in Palm Beach

Oh, if only had been a brick of hash. Rush Limbaugh was detained at Palm Beach International Airport when the fuzz found a bottle of Viagra in his luggage that was not prescribed to him. It was instead prescribed to his own physician in an “act of privacy” or some such nonsense. Limbaugh could be facing second-degree misdemeanor charges. Oh well, at least his rabid fans now know what the rest of us have known for ages – that Rush can’t get it up. Must be what creates so much pig-headed anger in the little human knockwurst.

Digital downloading evolves in UK; no comment from RIAA

You folks who like to pay for your song downloads may want to consider living in the UK. According to the story, “British consumers are set to be the first in the world able to buy songs instantly as they listen to them on digital radio, using a download service announced on Monday by UBC Media.”

That’s actually a rather groovy idea. Of course it would never fly over here, as the RIAA and corrupt terrestrial radio stations would have a shitfit over payments and royalties and how to set up such a bewildering business model in the first place.

If it keeps on going like it has been over here in the States, I predict that we’ll all be listening to 8 track tape cartridges once again by 2010.

Christina promises to still be a hobag for the guys

Fear not, dude fans of Christina Aguilera. If you’ve been worried about her jazz turn as of late, the pop princess has promised to keep showing her skin for you.

She says, “It’s important to express myself and I think sexuality will always have a role in each record, but I will choose how it fits.”

“The Maxim cover shocked everyone. I like to try new things. The female body is beautiful and as long as it comes across as empowered it’s fine.”

Empowered? As far as I know, the straight group of guys like looking at boobies, butts, and all the rest regardless of any empowerment. But hey, if Christina needs to kid herself with all that talk to make it easier to take the money and run, so be it.

See, I knew guys never liked actually listening to this chick’s music. Then again, I can think of umpteen other women I’d rather look at, clothed or naked, as well.

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