Author: Mike Farley (Page 59 of 63)

So Spike Marley is a prophet once again. Either that or I rigged the whole freaking “American Idol” voting process. Nah, that would take too much time. This time Lisa Tucker pretty much booted herself off after a really bad rendition of Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You.”

But there were two surprises last night. One, that they brought out Skakira and Wyclef to perform the opening song for Elimination Wednesday. What, were Neil Sedaka or Tom Jones not available? This was actually a cool performance to watch, and Shakira showed some of the Idol hopefuls just how far they have to go to really become a star.

The other surprise was the bottom three–Lisa, Ace, and Catharine McPhee. To top it off, Catharine was in the bottom TWO. I understand Ace, because he completely butchered that Train song and he’s just annoying to begin with. But Catharine? Is America that in love with Bucky Covington and Kellie Pickler? Or are there just that many banjo-playing, barbecue-eating, sweet tea-drinking types voting for them? Either way, they’re all going home soon, but I didn’t think Catharine deserved to be ranked that low.

Oh, and just how many ways are there to spell Catharine? I swear I’m spelling it right but it never looks right. People, don’t name your daughters Catharine anymore, it’ll be better for us all.

So now we are down to 9. I’m still sticking with my gut here and saying Chris, Mandisa or Paris will win it all. But getting there is half the fun, so see you next week, kids.

Marley, OUT.

What the hell happened to the “American Idol” contestants this week? Were they serving up suck sanwiches outside the Kodak Theatre? Last night, there were only a handful of decent showings and a lot of them were just plain awful as the contestants took on songs from the last six years.

I have a theory, and it’s that with recent hits there is no way to change up a song and make it your own. You have to be either as good or better than the original, especially to an America that is ready to hit redial 50 times to place their vote for you. If anything, last night proved that this season’s class is actually human. Here is the scary recap:

THE GOOD

Paris Bennett was an early Vanadalay favorite, and still remains that way. She sang Beyonce’s “Work it Out” and while it’s not as convincing when a slightly chubby 17 year old does it, Paris was way better than anyone else last night. Randy said it was “hot,” and that might be pushing it, but Paris is alive and well in this thing.

Taylor Hicks took on Ray Lamontagne’s “Trouble” and it was a very good choice for him. Simon said it was an “excellent vocal.” I disagree, but it was a solid B-plus and that was better than most last night.

THE IN-BETWEEN

Mandisa took on a gospel song, something she apparently sings a lot of at home in Nashville. Still, it’s dangerous taking on a song that anyone outside the Christian community doesn’t know, and as Simon said, it was “self-indulgent.” Mandisa wailed as she always does but did go off-key in spots and it just wasn’t up to the standards we’ve come to expect. Look for her to rebound next week though.

Chris Daughtry sang Creed’s “What If” and it begged the question: “What if Scott Stapp could actually sing?” He would be Chris Daughtry. But of course, Scott Stapp is a tool, and I”m sure that Chris is a respectable young man. Anyway, Chris did a pretty good job but isn’t going to be a top vote-getter for his performance.

Bucky Covington (is he really still in this thing?) sang Tim McGraw and it was pretty much a yawn-fest. Simon said he couldn’t understand a word Bucky was singing, and he was right….but he really didn’t sound all that bad either.

Elliott Yamin sang Gavin DeGraw’s “I Don’t Wanna Be,” and even though the judges liked it, he is not in the same class as Bo Bice, who sang the same song last season on his way to runner-up status.

THE BAD

Lisa Tucker started the night off, and I confess to predicting Lisa would go really far when I first heard her sing. But after hearing her butcher Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You,” I’m sad to say she might be going home this week. Simon said the song was too big for Lisa’s voice, and if anything, it showed the difference between her and Kelly Clarkson, and that says it all.

Kellie Pickler sang Sara Evans’ “Suds in a Bucket” and while it was a cutesy choice for her personality, that personality never came out and it was just a piss-poor performance overall. Kellie needs to start showing a spark of some sort to keep her in this thing.

Ace Young, are you really still hanging around too? You won’t be for long after that awful rendition of Train’s “Drops of Jupiter.” Not only did it not even come close to the original, I told Mrs. Marley that I could have sang it better than Ace. He made things worse by pointing to a scar on his chest when a lyric came up about a scar, and Paula took the bait by getting all giddy and saying “Ace, you’ll have to tell me how you got that scar at some point.” Simon said “PAU-LA!” and I think most of America did too….I smell another sex scandal!

Catharine McPhee, while wearing form-fitting clothes to make sure America stops thinking she’s pregnant, sang Christina Aguilera and the judges thought it was okay. Judge Marley thinks it was all over the place, and Catharine is lucky she didn’t suck as much as Ace or Lisa.

So who will it be? I’d be really surprised if it wasn’t Ace or Lisa, though Bucky has been hanging by a thread the last few weeks too. I’m going with Lisa, because she’s been close to elimination before and because the young girls of America were probably impressed by Ace’s scar too.

Tune in tonight to find out, and tomorrow to read all about it.
Marley, OUT.

Not one week after my pal The Chauffeur glossed Kevin Covais “Kevin Michael Hall” he is gone to obscurity along with the likes of Long Duck Dong.

Yes, folks, lispy Kevin was voted off American Idol last night. Forget the fact that Bucky Covington, who was the runner-up for elimination, was much worse on Tuesday night. The fact is Kevin’s days were numbered, because he’s simply not the singer some of the remaining contestants are.

Last night’s Ford commercial featuring all of the remaining contestants was a video of them singing the Go-Go’s “We Got the Beat.” Processed cheese at its finest, that’s all I have to say.

Then they had to fill the 30 minutes, so they let Barry Manilow come and sing one of the songs from his new fifties album. The fact that I don’t remember his performance means one of two things….I am getting old, or it was not memorable. I’m going with the latter. But the best part was when all of the contestants rushed the stage at the end, including the recently voted off Big Gay Mexican Priest…..that dude looked like he was going to either start humping Barry Manilow or eat him.

So here are the updated Marley Power Rankings:

1. Mandisa
2. Chris Daughtry
3. Paris Bennett
4. Katharine McPhee
5. Taylor Hicks
6. Kellie Pickler
7. Lisa Tucker
8. Elliott Yamin
9. Ace Young
10. Bucky Covington

This is getting interesting folks……but now we get to see how the world of Kevin Michael Hall changes when he returns to Long Island. Bucky and Ace, your plane tickets are in the mail too.

Marley, OUT.

Yes, folks, I’m back from Austin. Thanks to The Chauffeur for pinch-hitting while I was swilling beers, eating barbecue, soaking in all the great music and riding elevators with Wayne Coyne not once, but twice. But alas, we must get back to work this week, and for me that means enduring a 2 hour episode of “American Idol.”

So this past week it was Barry Manilow’s turn to tutor the young crop of remaining talent, as they prepared to perform songs from the 1950’s. Since Manilow just released a record of 50’s tunes, he was a good choice for the job, and seemed to actually like what he was doing and give good advice even though he still looks like a limp-wristed version of Joe Montana.

There was one problem with the performances last night, and that is that there were too many great ones. Picking someone to be voted off will be much easier than picking a favorite, but that’s okay because all we have to do is eliminate one contestant per week. Here is the Marley recap:

THE GOOD

Mandisa kicked off the evening by singing “I Don’t Hurt Anymore” and was just awesome. Simon even said she was sexy. I don’t know if I’d go that far….I mean, I look at Mandisa and I get hungry for a grilled cheese sandwich. But man, can she sing.

Paris Bennett sang “Fever” and it was a great song choice. Paris is showing us every week that she’s got what it takes to possibly win it all.

Chris Daughtry sang an alt-rock version of Johnny Cash’s “Walk The Line.” Mr. Manilow commented that Chris knows his strengths, and he was right. What a haunting, riveting, powerful version….this dude could also win the whole thing.

Katharine McPhee sang Ella Fitzgerald’s “Come Rain or Come Shine” and Simon commented that she was becoming a star. I agree….Katharine is a dark horse because she just delivers every week and has one of the best natural voices in the competition. That, and she’s definitely easy on the eyes.

Kellie Pickler did Patsy Cline’s “Walking After Midnight” and it was a way better outing than when she tried to sing Stevie Wonder. Kellie is hanging around, and just might have enough to reach the final four or five.

THE IN-BETWEEN

Taylor Hicks wore a gray suit to match his gray hair….look, I’ve got really light skin but you don’t see me walking around in a Good Humor Man outfit. His performance of “Not Fade Away” was pretty bland, and Simon even called it “a mess.”

Lisa Tucker sang “Why Do Fools Fall in Love” and for the first time, we really noticed the age difference between Lisa and the power of someone like Mandisa. She was boring, off key and as Randy Jackson said, “just aight.”

Kevin Michael Hall (yes, Chauffeur, that was a brilliant gloss) sang “When I Fall in Love.” This was another weird song choice because dude is only 16, but he sounded okay. I do wonder why he had his right hand in his pocket the whole time…..was he getting wood while singing to Paula Abdul and trying to cover it up?

Elliott Yamin sang “Teach Me Tonight” and it was pretty boring, or at least I thought so. Simon said that vocally it was “fantastic.” Sorry Simon, that was not in the class of some of the better performances last night.

Ace Young sang “In the Still of the Night” and actually sounded decent. But still, he’s going to be exiting soon, I can just sense it.

THE BAD

Ladies and gentleman, it is going to be no surprise this week to bid farewell to Bucky Covington. Bucky sang Buddy Holly’s “Oh Boy,” and all I have to say is “OH BOY, THAT SUCKED.” He was all over the place and Simon accurately referred to it as “pointless karaoke.” Dude, you are outclassed in this competition and last night proved it. Now go eat some mashed potatoes and corn.

Let’s see if Marley can continue to be a prophet while finding out what ever happened to Long Duck Dong…..

Last night’s “American Idol” show featured a bigger stage, bigger backing band, more lights and more fanfare. Judge Paula Abdul said this season was the most talked about on the streets, and for good reason–the talent is better than it’s ever been. Or at least there is no clear-cut favorite to win it all.

This time it was Stevie Wonder Week for all the contestants. Not only did they have to choose a song by the living legend, they got to hang with him and have him coach them on their vocals. Some of the contestants were overwhelmed with emotion as they worked with Mr. Wonder, and who woudn’t be?

But then we had the performances. Last night there were quite a few mediocre showings and a few clunkers. Here’s the Marley recap:

THE GOOD

Katharine McPhee sang “Till You Come Back To Me,” a song Stevie wrote that was made famous by Aretha Franklin. And though Katharine wore a dress that once again made her look pregnant, she brought it vocally. Simon even compared her at this stage of the competition to Kelly Clarkson.

Taylor Hicks did a great job with “Livin For the City,” a perfect track for the gray haired wonder, and Paula said it best: “You had everyone smiling.”

Paris Bennett sang “All I Do” and was strong as usual. The judges made note of Paris’ confidence and the fact that, at 17 years old, comes off like a seasoned veteran.

Chris Daughtry did well with his song choice too, taking on “Higher Ground,” and effectively combining the Stevie version with the Red Hot Chili Peppers version and sounding great in the process. Simon even said Chris could have a hit single with that song right now.

THE IN-BETWEEN

Ace Young redeemed himself this week after that incredibly limp-wristed Michael Jackson song a week ago. He sang “Do I Do” and while his Scott Stapp hairstyle is still annoying, the dude sounded a lot better this time and seemed to pick the right song. Randy and Simon said it was mediocre overall, and I agree.

Elliott Yamin sang “Knocks Me Off My Feet” and even Stevie Wonder said he’s got a great, natural voice. Talk about an endorsement. Elliott did a decent job but just didn’t wow anyone, and that probably included most of America.

Mandisa took on “Don’t You Worry” and it was one of her worst performances yet, though still pretty good by everyone else’s standards.

Bucky sang “Superstitious” and it wasn’t bad overall. He had some balls to his voice though at times had a little too much of that Creed-esque “pickle in mouth” vocal thing going on. Simon said Bucky’s hairstyle reminded him of Jessica Simpson–hey, that’s better than looking like Scott Stapp, isnt’ it?

Lisa Tucker was very good as usual but not quite on par with the four great performances of last night. Lisa sang “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” and if anything, she did a good job of commanding the audience’s attention.

THE BAD

Kellie Pickler, what happened to you? Well, Kellie was a bit out of her element. First of all, she had to wear a nice dress instead of jeans, and secondly, she is a country girl and wasn’t used to singing anything with soul. Kellie sang “Blame It On The Sun” and was pretty much all over the place. Randy said it was like a “non-event” and Simon, who we all know digs this chick, said it was boring. But somehow Kellie’s good looks and quick-witted charm are going to take her a few more rounds.

Melissa McGhee sang “Lately” and messed up the lyrics both in her session with Stevie Wonder and on the stage last night. Simon said it was her best performance yet and Paula said her voice is soothing (soothing? like a carton of smokes maybe). Anyway, Melissa wasn’t awful but still not good enough for mediocre in my book.

Then there is Kevin Covais, who proclaimed himself a sex symbol before performing. Well, maybe to little girls like the ones that came up and hugged him. Anyway, Kevin showed why he soon will be homeward bound by doing “Part Time Lover.” Somehow this kid makes you want to root for him, but he’s just not in the same class as most of remaining contestants. He does get points for snapping back at Simon though:

Simon: “That was appalling.”

Kevin: “That’s okay, I wasn’t expecting much from you.”

Freaking hilarious. If anything, Kevin and Kellie could probably host their own comedy show after they get booted off.

So here’s the deal…I have to pick one contestant for elimination……I think it should be Kevin, though I don’t believe it will be. In fact, both Kevin and Kellie have too much of the cute factor going on. Melissa McGhee, meanwhile, is the odd one out and will be eliminated this week. Stay tuned America….