Last night the male contestants on “American Idol” got to strut their stuff in front of the judges and America, and while it was a mixed bag of styles, there sure wasn’t a lot of variation from the mediocre or good at best. In my eyes there was only one truly great performance, one worthy of measuring up to the ladies anyway. Here are the Marley choices for good, bad and in-between:
THE GOOD
I’ve been pimping this Chris Daughtry guy for a while, and he is hands-down the best guy vocalist in the competition. He sang Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” flawlessly and even Simon said he’s got the potential to go really far.
Elliott, who sang an old Stevie Wonder tune, also performed really well. Simon said he had possibly the best male vocal the competition has ever seen….I disagree, but Cowell has a little more influence than me over America. I do have to say though, if Elliott doesn’t make it as a singer, he can easily have a second career as an Abe Lincoln impersonator….just grow a beard and put a hat on, and he’s a dead ringer.
Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp, sang George Michael’s “Father Figure” and did a really good job, but not quite to the same level as Elliott or Chris. This guy is the Constantine of this season…..meaning, he knows how to work the cameras and the ladies…..but Ace does have a much better voice.
THE IN-BETWEEN
The show started off last night with Patrick, aka “Raisin Boy”….yeah, he’s the dude who looks like the dude on Seinfeld who stole the box of raisins….that, and he has a neck like a giraffe. But I digress…he sang Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to My Window”…..not bad, but an odd song choice for a guy. Simon even said it wasn’t the right song choice, and Paula gushed over him like she does over almost everyone. Actually I just want her to shut the hell up.
Bucky Covington is a real country boy from North Carolina, and he sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in a way that sounded more like Creed….not bad, but not great.
Will, who is basically a Fred Savage look-alike, sang The Jackon 5’s “I Want You Back”…I thought he was pretty good but the judges thought he was average. This kid is only like 17 though, and will only get better.
Sway, the bald wonder from San Francisco, sang Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Reasons”…a great song, but not the best choice. He had to sing it mostly in falsetto….and the judges thought it was better than I did. Except of course for Simon, who said Sway looked “pimpy” in his outfit, which he really did.
Lispy boy Kevin sang Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” and actually sounded pretty good….but if I was him, I’d avoid any titles with the letter “s.” Paula thought he was adorable, and most of America probably will too, keeping him alive for a few more weeks.
Gedeon, the dude who talks like a preacher, has a decent enough voice and is a charasmatic performer, but other than that he is just average in my eyes. Simon said something about it sounding like the warm-up act for the Chippendales, which started another feud between him and Ryan Seacrest. Come on guys, those wiseass remarks to each other are getting old. Seacrest, you really have no ear for talent, so stop busting on Simon. Or better yet, just go away.
Finally there was Taylor Hicks, the gray haired wonder. This guy has a killer voice, despite his goofiness, but when he sang Elton John’s “Levon” he didn’t exactly perform like usual. I think he can do better and I’m sure he’ll have that chance. What was really amazing though, was that Simon finally endorsed Taylor, saying he’s interesting enough to go really far.
THE BAD
It’s easy this week to figure out who will be eliminated for the guys. First there is David, the crooner who looked really awkward singing Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”….even Randy Jackson said “dude, that wasn’t very good” and I agree. Paula was in charge of the dawg pound last night as the girls were nicknamed “Paula’s poodle pound”….um, very very lame.
There was also Bobby Bennett, who sang Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” All you have to know is that he looked like a big gay Mexican priest, and a big gay Mexican priest cannot possibly pull the wool over America’s eyes. Adios, Bobby.
We’ll find out tonight just how accurate my predictions are when two guys and two girls from this week’s voting are eliminated.
But first this tidbit……turns out one of the stripper types I’ve been talking about, Becky O’Donohue, posed for men’s mag Maxim a few years ago with her twin sister.
Hey, I just call ’em like I see ’em.
See you tomorrow America.
