Month: June 2006 (Page 2 of 12)

The search for Satanic RAWK ends here!

June 28, 2006 / Captain Capm

Finally! I hope you all didn’t think I had forgotten my quest to dig into some Satanic rock. It’s been a long search for the best shit in this category, having been sidetracked by too many Jesus-lovin’ freaks who are scared of anything that doesn’t rawk for the Lord. Now mind you, I didn’t actually waste my time listening to any of these shitty bands’ music, but I would like to present to you via Ruthless Reviews, The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time and its follow up, The Other Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time.

I know, one look at any of these dudes and you’re asking yourself, “Why would anyone want to listen to any of the shit these guys are creating?” You got me. I’m sure these pics are more entertaining than any of the music, so suffice it to say I can finally put down my satanic hunting tools and go to bed full rested, knowing that I entertained someone out there in Internet land somewhere. Amen.

Artists, Lists

Boy will be picking up your trash

June 28, 2006 / Captain Capm

Boy George has been ordered by a judge to work for the sanitation department. Be sure to run out to him to personally hand over his shitty solo albums and get an autograph as well! No word yet on if Boy will be implementing a PA system on the garbage truck to blast old Culture Club hits so you know he’ll be coming around to pick up your crap.

Artists, News

How can it be wrong when it feels so right?

June 27, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Is it wrong to punch Kevin Federline repeatedly in the face while wearing metal-studded leather gloves? We think not.

Is it wrong to continue punching him until the flesh falls from his face, revealing the bare, empty skull beneath? Again, we think not.

Is it wrong to punch his visibly pregnant, baby-clutching wife Britney Spears every time she steps in front of Kevin to protect him, or to purposely punch her baby so that she will drop the child and thereby leave Kevin more vulnerable? Surely, this cannot be wrong.

At least, we don’t think so. And neither do the makers of this videogame.

Artists, Pop, Rap

Hollywood Chamber of Commerce unleashes new round of strife

June 27, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Matt Damon is in; Ben Affleck’s still out. Tim McGraw will appear, but his lovely wife hasn’t made the grade. Always ripe for debate, next year’s list of new stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is a doozy.

Okay, Michael Caine and Michelle Pfeiffer have clearly earned their stripes…but Erik Estrada? Barbara Walters, yes; Robert Altman, fine…LeAnn Rimes?! What the hell?!

And then there’s the whole issue of Puff Doofus. Never mind that the Walk of Fame is presumably designed to recognize creative contributions to the arts…and electronically sampling the creative musical contributions of others hardly seems to qualify…what name is Puff Dingle going to put on the star? Do they make stars big enough to hold all his nicknames?

Actually, what we think is going to happen is that they’ll address the invitation to “Puff Daddy,” but that’ll be scratched out and then replaced with “P Diddy,” and then that’ll get scribbled out and replaced with something illegible…so as far as we know, Prince is going to show up at the ceremony instead…which, frankly, will be a vast improvement.

Artists, News

Tom Petty: “Saving Grace”

June 27, 2006 / John Paulsen

By now, most people fall into one of three categories when it comes to Tom Petty’s music: 1) they like it 2) they hate it or 3) they’ve never heard it. Enter the first track, “Saving Grace,” from his forthcoming CD, Highway Companion. It’s carried by a bluesy guitar riff and Petty’s understated vocals. It sounds like it would be the first song Tom would play if he did a surprise gig at your favorite saloon.

Listen to the entire song here.

Artists, Rock, Songs