Category: News (Page 113 of 136)

It had to happen eventually. Michael Jackson’s Neverland has been ordered to close its doors. Jacko’s being sued $169,000 for failing to pay his workers or have insurance. Wow. Someone worked for that dude for nothing? And it’s about time, anyway. Neverland only seems to have three shitty rides. Once you’ve ridden them, what else is left to do? Ride Michael? HAR HAR! But seriously, folks. That guy needs a roller coaster or something. Oh wait, he already has one. It’s called “his life.” HAR HAR HAR HAR. Oh, Jesus. Let’s call it a day.

Don’t slop Christina Aguilera in with those current young stars! She’s better than them. Or so she claims, anyway. “I’m not naming names, but it’s more about the party scene with some of those girls than doing anything creative,” says Christina. Indeed. God knows how important it is to have her around being Serious and all and showing those younger starlets how an old lady like herself gets the work done. After all, Aguilera is already looking at the wheelchair years of a pop diva. What can she do to remain fresh and trampy? Only time will tell, along with whatever crappy hairdo and fashion statement she decides to unearth from the crypt next time she appears.

And the hot news keeps coming along! Our good old tardy boy Axl Rose is suing his ex-bandmates. Wow, and still no new music. Axl wants to make sure that Slash and Duff know that Rose has full ownership of all the jazz the band played so many years ago. Sadly, Rose does not have ownership of his own face, the original of which got hacked and chopped and sucked into a greasy plastic surgeon’s dumpster somewhere. In the meantime, all the old fans continue to kid themselves into thinking anyone will really give a damn about Chinese Democracy and that it will be released before they all turn geriatric.

Boy George has chosen a plea bargain after being arrested last year for cocaine possession. It’ll be rehab and community service for Boy. Hopefully this will also give him time to contemplate poor fashion choices like looking like a spray painted melting candle, as well as poor entertainment choices such as letting Rosie O’Donnell back his crummy stage productions. Justice has been served.