Since it’s the end of the year that means it’s time to dump out year-end lists! We’re doing that here at Bullz-Eye, but other fine sites are doing it as well. This next list from Cracked may not have just come out, but it’s worthy of your amusement. Therefore, here is Cracked’s list of The 20 Worst Album Titles of All Time.
Category: Lists (Page 9 of 19)
Blender has put together a list of the top 10 most overpraised albums. Let me just say how much I more than wholly agree with the first two entries.
Written by Bill Clark
Stone Temple Pilots are one of those bands for whom, in hindsight, it’s easy to wonder how they did as well as they did, given the music scene at the time. 1992’s Core landed right smack in the middle of the grunge era, but STP’s sound from the get-go veered more towards hard rock – and fairly catchy hard rock at that. The band always wore its influences on its sleeve; from the Beatles to the Doors to the blues. They were a multi-faceted band, and one that can be even more appreciated when you dig deeper than the 15 Top Ten singles they released during their career. They may not have always been the most original band, but they were immensely talented musicians and performers. The following list is in chronological order and covers all five studio albums.
“Dead & Bloated” – Core
If ever there was a song to start off and set the tone for a debut album, this is it. Beginning with vocalist Scott Weiland singing “I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me / Cause I’m dead and bloated,” the tune shoots into a heavy verse and soaring chorus. It’s an excellent audio personification of STP’s early days.
“Sin” – Core
Trapped between radio hits “Wicked Garden” and “Creep” is “Sin,” one of the most underrated STP tunes out there. It has the kind of intro that leaves you baffled as to where it’s headed, but soon enough it dives into a signature STP verse and an excellent low-end chorus. The acoustic interlude and subsequent explosive guitar solo is a treat that would pave the way for STP’s musical growth.
“Piece of Pie” – Core
Now here’s one rockin’ tune. Guitarists (and brothers) Robert and Dean DeLeo drive this monster home with every palm-muted chord, and Weiland’s expansive vocals compliment it to perfection.
“Meat Plow” – Purple
Talk about another killer opening track. The monstrous opening riff eventually molds with the chorus’ slide guitar (a method STP would go on to use liberally) seamlessly. This is down-and-dirty STP.
Pop was not quite yet the dirty word that it would become over the next 18 months, though Rick Astley, Paula Abdul and Martika were well on their way to sending pop past the point of no return. Hair metal was winning the record sales battle, but modern rock would soon win the war (thank you, Kurt Cobain). Somewhere in the middle of all that was me, the only one on his dorm room floor who liked both Book of Love and Guns ‘n Roses. It proved for some interesting listening, that’s for sure. Maybe not timeless, but definitely interesting.
“I Don’t Want Your Love,” Duran Duran (Big Thing)
One of the last great Duran singles, with a phenomenal video to boot. I professed my love for remixer Shep Pettibone in my 1987 installment of MDM, but anyone who’s heard the album version of this track knows that Shep actually saved their butts with a bass-heavy remix that sent the song to the top of the dance charts. Obscure trivia bit: the man playing drums in the video is none other than David Palmer, formerly of ABC.
“Peek a Boo,” Siouxsie & the Banshees (Peep Show)
Anyone who knew me back in 1988 knew that this song and I were rarely separated. The backwards drumming – which I, of course, would play backwards on my turntable, to hear the drums going forward – the crazy stereo mix job by Mike Hedges, and Siouxsie’s insanely catchy, climbing vocal in the chorus resulted in the coolest thing I had heard up to that point.
“The Great Commandment,” Camouflage (Voices & Images)
It would be another year until “Personal Jesus” would drop, and aside from the three killer singles, Music for the Masses was a grand disappointment. Those looking for a Depeche Mode fix, therefore, were forced to look elsewhere, and this German band delivered one marvelous tribute to Fast Fashion…then promptly faded into obscurity.
“Tired of Getting Pushed Around,” Two Men, a Drum Machine, and a Trumpet
Roland Gift was off doing some acting gig or other, which left Andy Cox and Dave Steele with some time on their hands until they began recording the next Fine Young Cannibals album. Not content to stand idly by while a ton of people rode the coattails of “Pump up the Volume” and scored hits with sample-heavy instrumentals in the process (Bomb the Bass’ “Beat Dis,” S’Express’ “Theme from S’Express,” Simon Harris’ “Bass (How Low Can You Go,”), Cox and Steele made this. And it was good.
“Hot Dog,” Martini Ranch (Holy Cow)
Find the 12” mix, if you can. (I have it, but if I post any more .mp3 files – ahem, like the next song on the list – the RIAA will surely haul me off to Azkaban.) If you haven’t heard of the band, you’ve definitely heard of at least one member (actor Bill Paxton) and the lass responsible for backing vocals (Cindy Wilson, formerly of the B-52’s). The song isn’t really a song so much as a series of sound effects put to a snazzy beat – I still love it when Dino barks – but that’s pretty much all you needed to do in order to score a club hit in 1988, as Two Men, a Drum Machine and a Trumpet will attest.
“Sugar and Spice,” Scritti Politti (Provision)
Few people besides me and my friend Tony still gave a damn about Scritti Politti when they finally dropped Provision in 1988 (back then, a three-year gap between albums was an eternity), and not even the inclusion of Miles Davis would change people’s minds. True, the album was no Cupid & Psyche ’85, but it had its moments, and this song, featuring the late Roger Troutman rocking the voice box, was one of them.
“Another Lover,” Giant Steps (The Book of Pride)
Well, if Scritti Politti wasn’t going to crack the Top 40, I’ll go for the next best thing. Pop duos were all the rage in 1988, with Giant Steps, Times Two and the next entry on this list all scoring chart hits. None of them were built for the long haul – go to Jefito’s blog if you want to read a very amusing analysis of Giant Steps’ album The Book of Pride – but their contributions were all noteworthy. Well, except for Times Two. They were just terrible.
“Love Changes Everything,” Climie Fisher (Everything)
No, it’s not Rod Stewart, but that’s actually a good thing. After all, do you remember the songs from the album that Stewart released that year? “Lost in You”? “Forever Young”? “Crazy About Her”? Awful. This, on the other hand, was wonderfully disposable pop featuring former Naked Eyes keyboardist Rob Fisher, who tragically died in 1999 following complications from stomach surgery.
“What’s on Your Mind (Pure Energy),” Information Society (Information Society)
Ah, the fun you could have with a song before the sampling rules made it cost-prohibitive to borrow whatever you felt like borrowing. I had an unhealthy fascination with this band, perhaps because they went as club-crazy as I secretly hoped Duran Duran would go at the time. Of course, Duran has since gone club-crazy by teaming up with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake, and it’s the dullest thing they’ve done in decades. Careful what you wish for, I guess. InSoc fans, take note: the link above is to the super-rare video version of the 12” mix. Enjoy.
“All We Need is a Dream,” Cheap Trick (Lap of Luxury)
The mega-smash that got away. Epic, in their infinite wisdom, chose to release the Diane Warren ballad “Ghost Town” – that’s right, Cheap Trick was reduced to recording Diane Warren songs in the late ‘80s – as the follow-up to the Top Five hit “Don’t Be Cruel,” It peaked at a dismal #33. This song, however, would have been huge, I just know it.
“Desperate People,” Living Colour (Vivid)
I used to love playing this song blind for people before telling them anything about the band responsible for the music. It all seems so quaint now, but black bands just didn’t play like this back then, so it was a great surprise when someone was finally exposed to a band of brothers that brought the rock. Sadly, well over half of the people on whom I pulled this cute little stunt would invariably say, “No way, these guys are niggers?” Sigh.
“Believed You Were Lucky,” ‘Til Tuesday (Everything’s Different Now)
Aimee Mann was so far out of Epic’s plans when this album was released – they wanted her to collaborate with outside songwriters. They chose Diane Warren. She chose Elvis Costello – that it’s a miracle they deigned to green-light a video for this. Likewise, Aimee looks equally uncomfortable lip-synching the song. Maybe it was that wildly curly hair weighing down on her thoughts.
“Piano in the Dark,” Brenda Russell (Get Here)
I worked two jobs that summer, which meant I only listened to the radio early in the morning and late at night. Not in the mood for the 12” mix of anything at either time of the day, I listened to Sunny 95, and this song was their unofficial anthem (well, this and that god-awful Gloria Estefan song “1-2-3”). Beautiful, beautiful song, and in this writer’s opinion, one of the last great R&B ballads.
“Into Temptation,” Crowded House (Temple of Low Men)
As much as I like to keep the energy on the spry side when assembling these mixes, it would be unforgivable for me to overlook one of the finest pop bands of all time as a result. The song allegedly disturbed singer Neil Finn’s wife so much that she was convinced that he was having an affair. Elvis Costello, meanwhile, heard the song and said, “I would have given my right arm to have written it.”
“Underneath the Radar,” Underworld (Underneath the Radar)
Underworld would like you to think that they were immaculately conceived as the cool-as-shit techno band that made “Born Slippy” and “Cowgirl,” but anyone who had a nose for DOR (that’s dance-oriented rock, for you little childrens out there) in the late ‘80s knows The Awful Truth. And by awful, we don’t actually mean awful. Well, maybe the band’s second album, Change the Weather, was a misstep, but Underneath the Radar was a fine little pop record.
Ah, 1987: the year I learned how to beat mix. I had been buying 12” mixes to my favorite songs for years now, but I hadn’t the foggiest idea what to do with them until I walked into a club in Athens, Ohio, and heard a guy playing the mixes I had in my dorm room, only on top of each other at the same speed. I was mesmerized.
But it wasn’t just dub mixes and sampling for me in 1987. There were a number of fine little pop songs that year, along with some great rock records (the phrase “classic rock” would come a couple years later). 1987, in fact, is arguably one of the greatest years in music history – Appetite for Destruction, Pleased to Meet Me, The Joshua Tree, Kick, the list goes on and on – but this list, to quote a line from another seminal 1987 album, goes out to the ones we left behind. Well, some were more left behind than others.
“I Don’t Mind at All,” Bourgeois Tagg (Yo Yo)
I originally had this slot filled by Level 42’s “Lessons in Love,” but took it out since I already used that on my MDM on the One-Hit Wonder’s Other Hit. Not sure what else to say. It’s a short, sweet little acoustic ditty, and it has nothing in common with anything that follows. Just sayin’, is all.
“Don’t Disturb This Groove,” The System (Don’t Disturb This Groove)
I’m thinking that it had to take no less than 30 minutes for singer Mic Murphy to do his hair for this video. Hang a sign up on the door; Mic’s not going to be ready to shoot for a while.
“Holiday,” The Other Ones (The Other Ones)
Wikipedia and Allmusic tell me I’m cheating on this one (the album sports a 1986 release date), but as God is my witness, the first song I heard from them (“We Are What We Are”), was promoted as a brand new song in March 1987 on a station that was very quick on the draw about promoting new music. Plus, my copies of Crowded House’s Together Alone and Enigma’s The Cross of Changes have a release year of 1993 on them, and I know for a fact that they didn’t come out in the States until early 1994, so mleah. Anyway, this is total throwaway synth-pop, and I love every second of it (well, the album version, anyway; the radio remix they use for the video blows). If you liked this song, hunt down the album, stat. It’s an ‘80s bubblegum classic. Seriously.
“Tragic Comedy,” Immaculate Fools (The Dumb Poet)
Moody guitar pop song with a singer that’s dressed like Neil Tennant circa “West End Girls”? Sign me up. The band had a much, much bigger hit in 1992 with “Stand Down,” at which point they had left their China Crisis-emulating days behind them. A decision that had to be made in order for a pop band to survive in a grunge world, I suppose. At least they left me this.
“Sheila Take a Bow,” The Smiths (Louder than Bombs)
La, la, la, la, lala, la, la. I had loved “How Soon Is Now?” from the moment I heard it in 1985, but my full-blown love of the Smiths had begun only a year before this song came out. Six months later, they were finished. Sniff.
“Good Times,” INXS w/ Jimmy Barnes (The Lost Boys Soundtrack)
If you had told me in 1987 that Michael Hutchence would kill himself before Morrissey, I would have laughed you out of the room. Ten years later, I’m still having a hard time fathoming Hutchence’s decision to check out early. Man, could Jimmy Barnes wail, though. I wonder what he’s up to these days. Whatever he’s doing with his life, at least he’s still alive.
“Planet Ride,” Julian Cope (Saint Julian)
I’ll be honest: YouTube links went a long way towards dictating what made this list and what didn’t (my apologies to “City of Crime,” the Dan Aykroyd/Tom Hanks rap from the “Dragnet” soundtrack. The video’s there, but it’s a sorry-ass copy). But I’m taking matters into my own hands with this one. This song has no video, and no music file to link to…so I’m creating one. Sinfully out of print – unless you count the are-you-freaking-kidding-me $45 import – this song, not to mention the album that spawned it, deserve a second look.
“Time Stand Still,” Rush (Hold Your Fire)
One of the things that I always liked about Rush is that their tastes changed along with mine. I was moving away from mainstream rock when Hold Your Fire came out, and it’s as if they sensed that because, in order to entice me, they recruited Aimee Mann, singer of my then-favorite band ‘Til Tuesday, to sing backing vocals. Rush and I would stay together until 1993’s Counterparts, after which we would go our separate ways. I still think about drunk dialing them from time to time, though.
“Dirty Water,” Rock & Hyde (Under the Volcano)
Rocker dudes might turn their noses up at this odd little pop song, but before they do, they should keep in mind that the Rock in this band is Bob Rock, engineer on the Aerosmith comeback albums and producer of the majority of Metallica’s post …And Justice for All output. And the video holds up remarkably well in retrospect.
“Heavens Above,” The Style Council (The Cost of Loving)
I have an irrational love for this album. I know it’s not as good as I think it is, but as the poet laureates GTR once said, when the heart rules the mind, one look, and love is blind. Paul Weller + Dee C. Lee = sweet, sweet musical love, baby.
“Hard Day (Shep Pettibone Remix),” George Michael (Faith)
Some people consider Presidents, or civil rights activists, their heroes. In the late ‘80s, my hero was Shep Pettibone. He was, bar none, the best remixer on the planet, and to have him remix your latest single was to be touched by the hand of God himself. “Hard Day” was the first song of Michael’s that he allowed to be remixed by anyone other than himself, which should tell you just how highly regarded Pettibone was at the time. Now if only I could find the full-length 12” mix, which is two minutes longer than the version on the Faith CD…
“Pump up the Volume,” M/A/R/R/S (Pump up the Volume)
Put the needle on the record when the drum beats go like THIS! Let me guess: you’re shaking your booty, aren’t you? I thought so.
“Touched by the Hand of God,” New Order (Salvation Soundtrack)
Sure, “True Faith” was cool and all (and also remixed by my boy Shep Pettibone), but when New Order dropped this 12” late in the year, and had my former remix hero Arthur Baker at the knobs, I couldn’t resist. The video, which pokes fun at the hair metal poodle cut-sporting gargoyles, is gravy.
“Join in the Chant,” Nitzer Ebb (That Total Age)
Of the dozens of beat mixes I made in college, there were only two or three that didn’t include this song. Simply Put, I thought this was the Coolest Song Ever. That keyboard riff. Those drums. That metal-on-metal percussion. Lastly, singer Douglas McCarthy’s relentless “Fire! Fire! Fire!” at the end of each verse…muscle and hate, indeed.
“Kiss,” Age of Chance (Crush Collision EP)
It all started as a joke. “Hey, let’s record the most raucous version of Prince’s “Kiss” that we possibly can, and FAST, so it can chart at the same time as his version.” It took another year before it was released Stateside, and even then it still predated the sample-heavy Pop Will Eat Itself by a good two years. Tom Jones and the Art of Noise may have been the ones to hit the charts with their cover, but to anyone who’s heard this version, there can be only one “Kiss” cover. Note: this is also a link to an .mp3 file of the song. Who loves ya, baby.
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