Author: Captain Capm (Page 85 of 118)

Christ Rocks! (don’tcha know?)

So here I am at another pitstop in search of hard rockin’ Satanic rawk. I’d like to turn your attention to the Christ Rocks site, in particular the “An Ozzy fan meets Jesus at a rock concert” section. The guy used to do sit ups to Ozzy albums! He lived for rock and roll! Amongst his fave bands were AC/DC! He loved the pretty girls, but “it always seemed that when they would finally go out with me, they turned out to be Christians!!!” As a senior in high school, his bitch told him to take a hike, that “I was a jerk and to top it off soon I would be on the bottom of the heap in my first year of college. I freaked out. I tried to listen to more music to ease the pain, but it didn’t work. Iron Maiden let me down, Ronnie James didn’t satisfy my soul like he used to.” Awwww, poor lad. He even played “Stairway To Heaven” backwards and then got really scared shitless!

Soon enough, some other chick invited him to a Christian rock concert. He accepts, and lo and beiold, “I took 20 kids to a Christian Rock Concert in Tacoma. I was totally shocked. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen. The opening band was so horrible that we almost left. When the main band took the stage my mouth dropped on the floor. The lights went out and the fog machine churned out it’s atmosphere. Out of the mist came a guitar player who just JAMMED. Better than I had ever heard before. He was dressed in leather and a Harley shirt. I couldn’t believe my ears.”

During the concert, one of the rockers asked everyone to pray. What happened after the prayer? Well I shit you not, but, “I never smoked another joint, nor did I drink ever again. I struggled with pornography but thanks to God and other men of God who I have been accountable to, I am delivered of that as well. God is amazing. You don’t try Him, you live Him.”

Rock and fucking roll. Now where’s that Satanic rawk I’ve been looking for?

Here’s to my sweet Satan

As I continue my journey to dig into the depths of Satanic rawk, I figured we might as well stop by the song that possibly started all the “backwards Satanic messages” hooplah, Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway To Heaven.” You probably know all the supposed hidden messages in the tune when you play it backwards, but if you don’t, this site offers a nice interface that allows you to play the most evil part of the song forwards and backwards, complete with those ever-important lyrics to read along with, as no one would decipher this shit in a blind study. Still, it’s nice to know that Satan has a little tool shed for us all in which to make us suffer.

For more weirdness, Some guy wrote in to Jeff Milner’s site in 2004 to say that the entire song is one backwards message and includes the lyrics. There’s something to be said about fanatics. I’m not sure what it is, but there’s definitely something to be said.

Sick of James Blunt, too? So is this radio station

Now if only the rest of the world would follow this lead. An English radio station has decided to stop playing James Blunt’s songs “You’re Beautiful” and “Goodbye My Lover” because they’re sick of hearing them. Indeed. Just being within a 50 midle radius of hearing those songs is grounds for psychotic viloence by the listener. Hopefully Blunt’s career tragjectory will ape that of similar artists such as Pete Yorn, who also could bores the tears out of boredom itself and who also managed to insult everyone by reissuing his debut album multiple times.

Signs of Satan!

In my continuing quest to delve deeply into “Satanic rock,” I have stumbled across this site, which breaks down the usage of the “El Diablo” hand gesture. Everyone from Helen Keller to good old Spider-Man gets thrown into the evil pot here! Special attention is given to Dio, John Lennon Kid Rock, and…oh no, not Amy Grant! And don’t forget that McDonald’s CEO as well. It seems like everyone’s in love with the debbil these days. Someday I’m gonna actually find some Satanic music other than Amy Grant’s (hers isn’t too groovy) to get down to.

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