Author: Captain Capm (Page 105 of 118)

Well damn it all. Looks like Kid is gonna legally block sales of his sexcapades in da house with Scott Stapp and some desperate groupies. No word on whether Jebus is gonna block it as well, but if he doesn’t, then that means…Kid Rock will still be seen in shitty porn! Awwwww yeahhhh. It’s good to be the king! You gotta wonder if those two washed between slurps, especially when Stapp points out at one point that the oral sex he’s receiving is his “thrid time today.” Ick.

It seems completely wrong to write about Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson in a musical forum, but what can you do? They both came from a pop shitpit and will go back to some kind of hell someday. Anyway, Nick is currently seeking spousal support from Jessica and also wants his bling bling back. Certainly she can handle this, as she has recently gotten a new job at Pizza Hut. Boy, divorce can really kill some folks. I never thought I’d see the day Jessica forced to sell pizzas at some minimum wage joint, but there ya go. It’s better than whatever Nick is doing, I’m sure, which most consist of pretending he’s still an entertainer and waiting for work.

Who can get enough of K-Fed? Just when the news starts to slow down, he comes back like a wild carny in heat! In fact, he’s ready for you to hate him. Now what fun is that if he takes all the fun away? Bah! Oh well, if you want more proof that the boy’s none too bright, he thinks that his stupid single “PopoZao” getting 2 million hits in eight days proves there’s interest in him. Yeah, well, K-Fed 2 million hits in 8 days on the Internet is nothing considering the fact that we could list X amount of other celebs out there not even hawking shit that get way more than that in one day. It’s called “morbid curiosity,” sir. And I have to say I want a copy of your CD to poop on as well.

Those looking for a little Brit-Brit on the K-Fed CD will be disappointed. The two have apparently cut some tracks, but Kevin says “Respect me first; then I’ll show you what I’ve done with my wife.” No, really, that’s quite OK. We have seen that you two have somehow managed to figure out how to procreate (I’m sure it involved a whole lot of prep work with Colt 45 and Pall Malls). I have no interest in seeing anything you’ve done with her. But then again, you’d probably make a shitload of money by releasing a sex video to make us all puke and laugh at the same time.