Author: Mike Farley (Page 61 of 63)

Last night the 10 remaining female contestants on “American Idol” got to show their stuff again.

Unfortunately, the performances were pretty mediocre across the board. It seemed every chick either picked the wrong song or picked a song with no energy or emotion. The ones who were great last week were still pretty good, but pretty good is not going to win this thing.

Of course, the one good thing about last night was that no one really sucked bad enough to be a clear-cut favorite for elimination. But lucky for you I’m going to give you my picks anyway.

The show started with more judge banter…Paula and Simon admitting that they both annoy each other….really, do any of us care?

Here is the Spike Marley breakdown:

THE GOOD

Again, it was hard to choose the best performances from a slew of mediocre ones, but two singers are clearly the most talented here: Mandisa and Paris Bennett.

Mandisa sang Faith Hill’s “Cry” and while it wasn’t the best song choice for her, Simon said it best: “When you are ‘on,’ there is no better female singer in this competition.”

Paris sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” and the judges accurately said that it was not convincing when a 17 year old sings an old lady song. This kid can also wail, but she played it a bit too safe last night.

THE IN-BETWEEN

It was a whole night of in-between, but here are the most mediocre of the mediocre:

Cutie Katharine McPhee started off the show with a Stevie Wonder ballad, a curious choice because it was both safe and slow enough to expose her difficulty staying in tune for the whole song. You can tell she’s got great pipes, but she just didn’t use them last night. And is it just me, or is this girl pregnant? Either that or she shops at the maternity store.

Kinnik Sky sang Gretchen Wilson’s “Here For the Party” and it almost seemed like she was shouting, not singing. Like Simon said, it was like a theme park performance.

Lisa Tucker sang an old Jackson 5 song and, while I think she’s one of the top females, she didn’t quite deliver last night like she’s capable.

Melissa McGhee made reference to that fact that she’s a “Florida girl” and always wears flip-flops, even on Hollywood red carpets….blah blah blah. She sang a Reba song that Randy said was “hot” and Paula, of course, agreed like she always does. Simon said Melissa did not connect with the audience and I agreed. Plus her belly was sticking out a bit too much for my liking.

Ayla, the basketball playing giant, sang a Celine Dion song. Mrs. Marley said she was wearing a “Betty Rubble” dress, the way it was cut on the bottom. Pretty funny stuff. Anyway, Ayla definitely exceeded expectations and the judges made it clear that she was one of the hardest workers and that might take her far in this competition.

Kellie Pickler sang Bonnie Raitt and did pretty well…..considering she was awful last week, Kellie definitely rebounded. And she’s got that cutesy, all-American look that might carry her a few more rounds.

THE BAD

It’s worth noting that after Melissa McGhee sang, I made note of the fact that Paula should switch seats with Randy, because all she ever does is parrot what he says and add more of her fluff. Miraculously, Paula heard me and did just that.

So then came Heather Cox, who sang Mariah Carey’s “Hero.” Paula accurately noted that Mariah Carey’s got big shoes to fill, and that you’re taking a risk when performing one of her songs in a competition like this. She wasn’t as bad as she was last week, but bad enough to get booted off. Mrs. Marley also pointed out that Heather’s got nice fake knockers….her job at the Foxy Unicorn should still be available to her.

Brenna Brenna Brenna. Your schtick gets more annoying every week. Brenna sang Donna Summer’s “Last Dance,” another incredibly brave choice of song. Brenna, you have danced your last dance on this show. You thought you were good, but trust me, America will not agree. Now just go away. And while you’re at it, please take Ryan Seacrest with you.

Tonight, it’s the guys…..will lispy Kevin sack up and sing something with more balls? Will Elliot finally morph into Abe Lincoln? Will Gedeon’s smile make Simon run? Will Fred Savage kick David The Crooner’s ass? Tune in and check back with us tomorrow for the recap.

Tonight’s episode of “American Idol” was the results show, where four of the 24 remaining contestants learned if they were continuing on or going back home. As has been the case for the past few seasons, this show was excruciatingly long. One hour to announce that four are going home? As you can imagine, they filled the show with lots of crap and lots of commercials, which, let’s face it, is really why it was an hour long.

First there was judge banter…blah blah blah. Then there was a group performance, which is always dripping with cheese, and I mean the kind of cheese you spray on crackers from a can. Tonight the group sang the Eagles’ “Take it Easy,” which was good for only one thing–a royalty check for the songwriters. Then they showed clips of all the performances of the last two nights, complete with judge comments.

All of the 40 million people who voted must have been saying along with me, “Let’s get ON with this already.”

Finally the women were seated in rows and they told everyone who was safe that they were safe, and brought Kinnik, Becky and Brenna to the middle of the stage. One of these women had the least number of votes. I’ll tell you who, after the break……
oh wait, this isn’t TV. It was Becky O’Donohue, the one who was a news topic today as photos of a Maxim spread from 2 years ago re-surfaced. Hey, she’s cute, and there’s no reason to believe Maxim or some skin rag won’t be calling her tomorrow. But her singing career is likely over. Of course, then they made her sing…..ugh. Stop torturing us and the ones going home, and just let them walk off the stage and into the sunset!

Then it was the guys’ turn. The bottom two were Bobby and Sway. Spike Marley was right in predicting Bobby would be the first to go….that big gay Mexican cowboy thing was just not going to fly (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Bobby so wanted to take a parting shot at Simon but couldn’t get up the balls to do it. Either way, America made the right choice.

Then the girls were rounded up again, and the next to be eliminated was Stevie Scott. Once again, Spike Marley was correct in predicting she would be one of the first to go. She just sang too softly and was so uninspiring.

Then back to the guys, and after trotting six of them out to the middle of the stage, country boy Bucky and raisin thief Patrick were left to learn their fate. The winner (or loser, actually) was Patrick, whose song choice of Melissa Etheridge’s “Come To My Window” proved to be his demise. Simon even re-iterated that. Paula, as she always does, said she was so sad to see Patrick go…..um, Paula is sad to see anyone go. She should just have another drink.

So there you have it…of course, they had to show this stupid montage at the end of the four–Becky, Stevie, Bobby, and Patrick–and their journey to get this far before bowing out.

Now we are down to 20, and what have we learned so far? America is not stupid, and is only going to accept greatness when ultimately choosing the next American Idol. See you all next week. And Patrick…we do know you stole the box of raisins from George Costanza.

Marley, Out.

Last night the male contestants on “American Idol” got to strut their stuff in front of the judges and America, and while it was a mixed bag of styles, there sure wasn’t a lot of variation from the mediocre or good at best. In my eyes there was only one truly great performance, one worthy of measuring up to the ladies anyway. Here are the Marley choices for good, bad and in-between:

THE GOOD

I’ve been pimping this Chris Daughtry guy for a while, and he is hands-down the best guy vocalist in the competition. He sang Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” flawlessly and even Simon said he’s got the potential to go really far.

Elliott, who sang an old Stevie Wonder tune, also performed really well. Simon said he had possibly the best male vocal the competition has ever seen….I disagree, but Cowell has a little more influence than me over America. I do have to say though, if Elliott doesn’t make it as a singer, he can easily have a second career as an Abe Lincoln impersonator….just grow a beard and put a hat on, and he’s a dead ringer.

Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp, sang George Michael’s “Father Figure” and did a really good job, but not quite to the same level as Elliott or Chris. This guy is the Constantine of this season…..meaning, he knows how to work the cameras and the ladies…..but Ace does have a much better voice.

THE IN-BETWEEN

The show started off last night with Patrick, aka “Raisin Boy”….yeah, he’s the dude who looks like the dude on Seinfeld who stole the box of raisins….that, and he has a neck like a giraffe. But I digress…he sang Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to My Window”…..not bad, but an odd song choice for a guy. Simon even said it wasn’t the right song choice, and Paula gushed over him like she does over almost everyone. Actually I just want her to shut the hell up.

Bucky Covington is a real country boy from North Carolina, and he sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in a way that sounded more like Creed….not bad, but not great.

Will, who is basically a Fred Savage look-alike, sang The Jackon 5’s “I Want You Back”…I thought he was pretty good but the judges thought he was average. This kid is only like 17 though, and will only get better.

Sway, the bald wonder from San Francisco, sang Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Reasons”…a great song, but not the best choice. He had to sing it mostly in falsetto….and the judges thought it was better than I did. Except of course for Simon, who said Sway looked “pimpy” in his outfit, which he really did.

Lispy boy Kevin sang Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” and actually sounded pretty good….but if I was him, I’d avoid any titles with the letter “s.” Paula thought he was adorable, and most of America probably will too, keeping him alive for a few more weeks.

Gedeon, the dude who talks like a preacher, has a decent enough voice and is a charasmatic performer, but other than that he is just average in my eyes. Simon said something about it sounding like the warm-up act for the Chippendales, which started another feud between him and Ryan Seacrest. Come on guys, those wiseass remarks to each other are getting old. Seacrest, you really have no ear for talent, so stop busting on Simon. Or better yet, just go away.

Finally there was Taylor Hicks, the gray haired wonder. This guy has a killer voice, despite his goofiness, but when he sang Elton John’s “Levon” he didn’t exactly perform like usual. I think he can do better and I’m sure he’ll have that chance. What was really amazing though, was that Simon finally endorsed Taylor, saying he’s interesting enough to go really far.

THE BAD

It’s easy this week to figure out who will be eliminated for the guys. First there is David, the crooner who looked really awkward singing Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”….even Randy Jackson said “dude, that wasn’t very good” and I agree. Paula was in charge of the dawg pound last night as the girls were nicknamed “Paula’s poodle pound”….um, very very lame.

There was also Bobby Bennett, who sang Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” All you have to know is that he looked like a big gay Mexican priest, and a big gay Mexican priest cannot possibly pull the wool over America’s eyes. Adios, Bobby.

We’ll find out tonight just how accurate my predictions are when two guys and two girls from this week’s voting are eliminated.

But first this tidbit……turns out one of the stripper types I’ve been talking about, Becky O’Donohue, posed for men’s mag Maxim a few years ago with her twin sister.

Hey, I just call ’em like I see ’em.

See you tomorrow America.

So now is when “American Idol” really starts to separate the real talent from the amateurs, and when America has the final say in who gets eliminated each week.

But first, a few random comments. The show is TWO hours long both Tuesday and Wednesday this week, with a third show on Thursday to announce the results. Last night, there was too much fluff…like these wannabe singers talking about how they got there and what the competition means to them blah blah blah…..just shut the hell up and sing! And speaking of fluff…..I am going to sound like a catty chick here, but what was up with Paula’s hair? It was sticking up in the front in such an annoying way, like maybe her rum and coke splattered up and made her hair all sticky. Anyway…..

So last night the 12 remaining females got to perform one song for America. Here were the best, in-between, and worst performances of the evening:

BEST
Nashville girl Mandisa got things started with “Never” by rockers Heart, and she did not disappoint. After Simon had previously made deragatory remarks about Mandisa’s weight, even he couldn’t deny her powerful vocal ability and predicted she would be a finalist. Hey, I’ve been saying that all along.

Paris Bennett sang Gladys Knight’s “Midnight Train to Georgia” and was awesome. She has the voice, the charisma, the whole package…and she’s only 17.

Lisa Tucker sang a Jennifer Holliday song and while it was pitchy in spots, she showed a maturity and ability beyond her 16 years…..I said SIXTEEN.

Katharine McPhee, the one who kissed all the judges on the lips when finding out she would move to the next round, did an old Barbara Streisand song and just blew everyone away. And for the record, she gets my vote as the cutest of the girl contestants.

IN BETWEEN

Among the mediocre, uninspiring performances were Becky O’Donohue, who sang Patti Smith’s “Because The Night”…and Simon hit the nail on the head by saying that the bar had been set by some really great singers already and that only great performances were going to matter. Becky was just boring……Ayla, the basketball player, was just uninspiring, but man, is she a giant…….Brenna, the big mouth Noo Yawka, was all over the place vocally and annoying as usual.

And then there were two contestants we’ve never seen, thanks to all the fluff this show has thrown at us….Melissa McGee and Kinnik. Kinnik was the better of the two, but Simon once again hit it on the head (Yes, Spike Marley usually agrees with the judge everyone hates) by saying that at 28 years old, Kinnik would have to step it up to compete with the Lisa Tuckers and Paris Bennetts of the competition.

THE BAD

Finally, here are my three picks for who should get eliminated….

Kelly Pickler, the cute blonde who has been a feel-good story so far (you all know by now her dad is in jail)……well, she sang a Martina McBride song and was all over the place. Lucky for her, in Nashville they have a thing in studios called “auto tune” because some producer is probably foaming at the mouth to make her sound good once she gets eliminated….and that day will be soon.

Stevie Scott…..the one with the opera training, decided to sing a Josh Groban song, and to quote Randy Jackson, was “soft and non-emotional.” I’ll take it one further. She just sucked.

Finally, there was Heather Cox….she’s one that proved Mrs. Marley’s theory that if you’re hot, you got in this year….surely the judges were not listening to her sing these past few weeks. She’ll be getting back to her career as a stripper very soon.

So there you have it……tonight we have the guys performing….and with that, a question. If the guys constituted Randy Jackson’s dawg pound last night, will the girls be woofing it up tonight?

and finally I leave you with one more thought….remember the dude on “Seinfeld” who was trying out to play the role of Kramer and stole the box of raisins? Look closely at the guys tonight and let me know which one of them IS that dude. Have fun with that, and see you tomorrow.

Marley, OUT.

After a grueling period where the remaining 44 “American Idol” contestants had to fly solo in front of the judges, they all had to wait a few days before sitting in a room and being called in one by one to learn their fate. Only 24 spots would be open to the finalists, the ones who are going to let America’s voters determine their fate.

There were definitely some surprises, such as the lispy 16 year old kid, Kevin, from Long Island. I mean, this kid is not that great of a singer–how does he keep on advancing? Rebecca and Heather both look better than they sing, but that always seems to count for something, especially with Mr. Cowell. Mrs. Marley said they both look like strippers and I would agree but I have never been to a strip club (yeah, I don’t believe me either).

Early on, they showed a lot of the contestants that were learning bad news, but the first one that they showed who advanced was Katharine McPhee, a spunky chick with a really good voice who definitely deserved it. But the funniest part of the show was when she expressed her appreciation by kissing each judge, ON THE LIPS. Ewwww. Okay, maybe her kissing only Paula would be pretty hot.

Some of the other finalists included Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp but sure doesn’t sing like him or act like him in public; Lisa Tucker, who is only 16 but has a monster voice and was an early Marley choice to make it far; David, the crooner, and I have no idea how he made it; Paris Bennett, another favorite of mine who should easily go far; Mandisa, who forgave Simon for saying she’d need a bigger stage, then got the good news that she would get a chance to sing in front of America….well deserved I might add, she is awesome; and Brenna, the annoying girl who Simon somehow liked despite saying she had a horrible attitude…..I have one word for you: Ratings; there was also Taylor Hicks, the harmonica-toting gray-haired southern boy who Simon doesn’t get, but trust me, America will and he deserves to be here.

There were also quite a few that advanced that we didn’t see auditions of at all before this. That’s proof that there is just way too much Ryan Seacrest on this show and not enough meat and potatoes.

Finally, I’m sure most of you noticed for the first 50 minutes of the show that Darrell and Terrell, the Jackass Twins, were absent. We all read in the papers that they had been arrested on forgery and theft charges, but we didn’t know at what point during the taping of “American Idol” it was until they mentioned it . As it turns out, these self-described “model citizens” were nothing but jackasses, and criminals at that.

So we’re down to 12 guys and 12 girls……the real “American Idol” starts here. Are you guys ready to start voting?