…now there’s help.
But here’s the question: Since I learned to play air guitar by mirroring the actions of my musical heroes, I play the air axe left-handed.
So, do they make these shirts for lefties, too…or do I have to wear mine backwards in order for it to work?
Britney Spears has filed for divorce, according to multiple reports. The petition cites “irreconcilable differences” as the official reason for the divorce…presumably because there was no box to check for “husband is a freeloading, weed-smoking, backstabbing career killer.”
In other news: The birds are singing, the clouds have parted to reveal glorious blue skies…and Kevin Federline is available to perform at your holiday office party, should you require his services.
Okay, I’m actually deeply, ridiculously addicted to both Christmas music covers and Billy Idol…so this album should be a good idea, right?
Sigh.
What have they done to my Billy? First they cleaned him up and put him in a spiffy suit and silk shirt with nary a rip, metal stud, nor mesh insert to be found…and then they completed his emasculation by giving him the lamest track list ever:
• Frosty the Snowman
• Silver Bells
• Happy Holidays
• Merry Christmas Baby
• White Christmas
• Here Comes Santa Claus
• God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
• Santa Claus Is Back In Town
• Let It Snow
• Winter Wonderland
• Run Rudolph Run
• Blue Christmas
• Jingle Bell Rock
• Christmas Love
• Oh Christmas Tree
• Silent Night
• Auld Lang Syne
Seriously, does anyone ever need to sing “Jingle Bell Rock” again? Especially if they are not even going to be allowed to, you know, rock on it? And, please: Frosty the Freakin’ Snowman? Where’s Billy supposed to slip in his trademark sneer on that one?
Videos for “White Christmas” (which, no, does not feature any improvised lyrics from “White Wedding” mixed in — another missed opportunity) and the dreaded “Jingle Bell Rock” are available on Billy’s MySpace page…but if you’re looking for Christmas music with an edge, you’d be better off checking out Collective Soul’s kickass cover of “Blue Christmas” or, if you can find it, Bad Religion’s decidedly raucous “Silent Night” (which breaks into, of all things, a riff from “My Sharona” at one point).
Check out the videos and streaming mp3s if you want to. Meanwhile, I’ll be over in the corner, fiendishly plotting the slow and painful demise of whoever sanded all the rough edges off my rebel hero.
I can’t believe it actually took five seasons of “American Idol” for someone to come up with this.
For those of you whose worst nightmare involves Taylor Hicks removing so much as one of his socks…you may not want to click the link.
Technically, the images themselves are entirely SFW…but the visualizations they encourage may need to be scrubbed from your brain immediately. With bleach.
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