Author: Deb Medsker (Page 10 of 14)

The RIAA: Committed to higher education

April 20, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Demonstrating their typical level-headed, open-minded way of thinking, the Recording Industry Association of America has come up with a simple solution for college students unable to pay their fines for illegally downloading music: drop out of school.

Cassi Hunt, a 20-year-old physics major at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, for example, was told to get a job in order to pay her $3,750 fine or consider getting an emergency cash loan. When informed that Hunt already works three jobs and takes out significant student loans to cover her $42,000 annual educational costs, the RIAA recommended that she drop out of school to repay the debt, or transfer to a less expensive community college.

Yes, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable recommendation. The physics program at Worcester Community College is certain to be wicked awesome, and tech employers probably don’t place much value on a degree from MIT, anyway. Kudos to the RIAA for helping Cassi to find a solution that anyone with two or three brain cells to rub together would surely have overlooked.

News

Yes, but will they promise to set her on fire while shooting the commercial?

April 20, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Former “Glitter” star and overrated songstress Mariah Carey will partner with Pepsi and Motorola to produce “20 original voice and music ringtones” to be released this summer.

No word yet on whether Carey’s work will manage to weave in Pepsi’s “brown & bubbly” tagline launched during this year’s Super Bowl. Following in the footsteps of former Pepsi shills P Diddly Duffster, Britney Spears, and the oh-so-flammable Michael Jackson, Carey will also appear in a TV commercial promoting the sugary soft drink and the exclusive ringtones.

This is a wonderful development (even if she doesn’t get set on fire) — because if I could make a Mariah Carey song stop playing just by answering my phone, I would do it every time.

Artists, Pop

How can we miss you if you won’t go away?

April 12, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Despite having concluded her well-documented, three-year “farewell” tour, aging plastic surgery addict Cher is in discussions with Caesars Palace to take over the Coliseum stage once Celine Dion concludes her lengthy run there. Cher will reportedly make $60 million in the deal.

Of course, if Caesars management is smart, they’ll start Cher’s run a day early, and put her on the stage with Dion without informing either one of them they’ll have to share the spotlight. Maybe snatch up Barbra Streisand as well. Throw these three on stage together unannounced, call it the Diva Trifecta Extravaganza, and let them jostle for position throughout the show. Babs would have the edge with her perfectly manicured, tiger-lady nails, but both Cher and Dion can throw a mean elbow, so the combatants would be fairly evenly matched.

Then, just as the trio has finally achieved equilibrium and begun singing the grand finale, “My Heart Would Go On If I Could Turn Back Time to the Way We Were,” management lets loose all of Sigfried & Roy’s white tigers onto the stage (hey, they’re not working; they need something to do) with zero supervision.

That would be the best Vegas show ever.

Artists, News, Pop

“The Parent Trap:” A white trash remake

April 11, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Oh, those rascally Covington twins! They must be Lindsay Lohan fans, as they recently pulled off a caper cribbed straight from the script of the teenage drama queen’s star-making gem, “The Parent Trap.” Seems Rocky got himself into a bit of a fender-bender while driving Bucky’s pickup truck, which wouldn’t have been such a problem were it not for Rocky’s pesky suspended license and DUI citations. Thus, while the police were en route to the scene of the accident, Rocky phoned identical twin brother Bucky (he of the spotless driving record), and pulled a wacky switcheroo.

It all worked out just fine, until the twins’ co-conspirator in the shamockery, one Ryan Roller, confessed to his father–and subsequently the police–what had transpired. Of course, Roller’s courtroom testimony against the twins turned out to be less than optimally effective, since he incorrectly identified Bucky as the driver of the offending vehicle. All charges were dismissed, leaving both twins free to forever taint your memories of a dozen classic pop songs on “American Idol.”

Hey, you name your kids Bucky and Rocky and buy them pickup trucks, you gotta expect trouble of some kind. Now will someone please get these inbred redneck halfwits off my TV screen and whisk them back to the run-down doublewide from whence they came?

American Idol, News

Guess we’ll have to start calling him “P Zitty” now

April 4, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Sean Puffy Puff Daddy P Diddy Combs has apparently filed a $1.5 million lawsuit against the makers of Proactiv acne solution, claiming that despite using the product and acting as its spokesperson (alongside such luminaries as Jessica Simpson) in infomercials, the product has failed to give him a flawless complexion.

P Diddly Puffster apparently went on record in said infomercials to state that Proactiv helps “moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy.” SeanPuff now claims that the acne medication has made him look foolish in front of the rap community, because he willingly associated himself with a product that does not work, destroying his credibility.

Um, two quick questions here:

1. How much street cred did Puffy have left to destroy after starring in those Diet Pepsi commercials?

2. Has it occurred to CombyPuffDizzle that perhaps what has made him look foolish in front of the rap community is (among many, many other things, including his penchant for hiring personal umbrella handlers) his agreement to serve as an infomercial spokesperson for a zit cream in the first place?

Interestingly, several online articles alluding to P Zitty’s lawsuit have mysteriously disappeared from the web since yesterday. If this one should vanish unexpectedly, please alert my next of kin…and then sue Puff Diddle for at least $1.5 million.

Artists, Hip Hop, News, Rap