Again, Mayor of Simpleton gets an assist for this thread, as it was his post on the Lennon tribute that got the mind whirring.
This list could probably be a thousand songs long, and split up by genre, but for the sake of your time and my sanity, I submit to you the 10 songs that I never, ever need to hear again. I won’t list things like “What’s Up” or “Ice Ice Baby,” because there is no point in listing them. I’m after songs that are accepted as classics, but make me want to put on Metal Machine Music and beat my head against the wall.
1) “Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da,” the Beatles. I love the Beatles. Love, love, love the Beatles. But this song drives me batshit crazy, it’s Paul at his dopiest. I get the sense that Paul wrote it to be one big nose-thumbing fuck you to John. Now that John’s dead, it’s become the song that makes me want to punch babies.
2) “Under the Bridge,” Red Hot Chili Peppers. It’s the lisp. That damn lisp.
3) “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” the Who. Even Townshend is embarrassed by this song now.
4) “Come on Eileen,” Dexy’s Midnight Runners. I watch Kevin Rowland and “Eileen” in the video, in their rolled up overalls, and think, Man, I bet they really stink.
5) “Imagine,” John Lennon. Yes, yes, war is bad, we get it, John. You know what’s worse? The fact that Paul wasn’t around in the ‘70s to make you step your game up a little.
6) “Fly by Night,” Rush. The song is all about a new start. Here’s hoping this song finds a new life, somewhere far, far away.
7) “Sweet Child ‘o Mine,” Guns ‘n Roses. It may have launched them into the stratosphere, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Axl, in case you didn’t know, no woman likes to be called ‘child’ by her lover. If given a choice, they’d even prefer ‘Rocket Queen’ to ‘child.’
8) “Blister in the Sun,” Violent Femmes. I lost a girlfriend in high school because of this band, but that is not why the song is here. It’s here because I’m simply sick to death of it. “I stain my sheets, I don’t even know why”? Thanks for sharing, Gordon. Now stick your arms into this white jacket and everything will be fine.
9) “The Reflex,” Duran Duran. Those who know me know that I am a dyed in the wool fan of the boys from Birmingham, but this is a silly, silly song. The only reason it succeeded was because Nile Rodgers edited the shit out of it and made it a dub mix.
10) “Light My Fire,” the Doors. Me: Denis, can you take this one for me? Denis Leary: Sure, you Duran Duran-loving pussy. ‘I’m drunk, I’m nobody, I’m drunk, I’m famous, I’m drunk, I’m fucking dead, okay?’ Jesus. Go get some Stones records, you fairy.
