Britney voted “Worst Celebrity Dog Owner”

How can things go from bad to worse like this? First Britney dumps K-Fed, and now she’s been voted as “Worst Celebrity Dog Owner.” Jesus, what a tough time Spears is having as of late! But leave it to the readers of “Hollywood Dog” and “New York Dog” to dog the dog.

Oh, how me all miss Bit-Bit, Lacy and Lucky! But Brit-Brit and K-Fed gave them away to friends after two kids fell out of Britney’s torso. And she took better care of those dogs than those kids! At least she wasn’t dropping them and letting them drive. Such a shame. In other news, Oprah won “Best Celebrity Dog Owner.” Bit-Bit 4-EVA!!!


Will Adele sweep the Grammys?

This video from Adele – “Rolling in the Deep” – has over 188 million views. Wow!

It’s a stunning song and she is an incredible new artist. She’s talented and very unique. She’s not just following trends as she sets her own path. Of course the video is excellent as well.

It’s always fun to see an artist come in and shake everything up. With the upcoming Grammys, is there any doubt that Adele is going to have a big night?

These are the kinds of things fans love arguing about, and betting on! The interest in entertainment betting odds keeps growing, the award shows like the Grammys are always a big hit. People love to guess stuff like this and the participate in office pools or games online. People can have fun with reviews and gossip, but there’s nothing like competition to get the fans going. Remember when Kanye opened his big mouth? People love controversy!


LCD Soundsystem: This Is Happening

RIYL: Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music

James Murphy’s LCD Soundsystem is the hipsterest band out there. And for that he gets a lot of backlash from hipster haters, myself included. But it’s not fair to mock an artist because his primary fan base is annoying as hell. If that was the case, I could never enjoy Nine Inch Nails. And besides, with all the v-neck shirts and ironic facial hair, it’s easy to forget that Murphy gave us one of the best albums of the decade with his group’s self-titled debut. And his debut single “Losing My Edge” remains the definitive critique of self-righteous musical-know-it-alls-by-way-of-Wikipedia (aka his biggest fans). He’s not a one-trick pony, either; 45:33 was an excellent piece of longform instrumental music, and Sound of Silver had more than its fair share of amazing tracks.

What makes Murphy’s music so enthralling isn’t the music itself, which is good in a “Hey, I really like krautrock and early New Order” kind of way; it’s the lyrics that grab you. Whether he’s attacking hipsters with “Losing My Edge” or commenting on the world view of Ugly Americans with “North American Scum,” the dude never seems to be at a loss of words and clever ways to comment on society. All while coating his clever and sometimes scathing messages with amazing retro-inspired dance beats.

That was, until This is Happening. That’s not a title, that’s a threat, forcing you to realize that this is a real record. You want to forget this record exists, but…THIS IS HAPPENING. You can’t avoid it.

First the highlights, there are three amazing tracks on This Is Happening. Thankfully they’re all in a row; “One Touch,” “All I Want” and “I Can Change” are all straight-up excellent examples of everything James Murphy does right. Witty lyrics, perfect beats and great synthesized beeps and blips. Download them now and never ever try to listen to anything else on this record. Just pretend it’s a three-track EP. Because if you don’t, then you might hear “Drunk Girls.”

Lyrically the song is pointless drivel, a haphazard rant about, well, look at the title. Musically it’s even worse, criminal even. Some have suggested that the song bares more than a passing resemblance to the Velvet Underground’s “White Light/White Heat.” Those people are being polite. “Drunk Girls” cribs so blatantly from that classic tune that it’s flat-out theft. “Drunk Girls” is “White Light/White Heat,” with new, shitty lyrics and a crap synth line. If Lou Reed isn’t getting paid every time some skinny PBR-drinking hipster with a horrible beard sends this video to his skinny-jeaned Facebook friends, then he needs a better lawyer. Or maybe not. Because even though “Drunk Girls” manages to shamelessly crib from one of the greatest songs of all time it also manages to suck all the quality out of it. It is the second worst thing that Murphy has ever released to the public.

That’s right; the second. Because the worst comes later with “Pow Pow,” a track so bad that I’m almost hopeful it’s a prank. Here Murphy’s sing/talk vocals, which are usually at least serviceable, are delivered in an unlistenable whiny tone that is the vocal equivalent of a screwdriver jamming itself through through your ear down to your intestines. And it’s eight and a half minutes long! It’s like an electronic version of “Freebird” for masochists.

Thankfully, the remaining tracks are just regular bad, and not additional contenders for the worst song ever recorded. “Somebody’s Calling Me” is droning drivel, and the closer “Home” is so forgettable that by the time it’s over you’ll have forgotten the beginning.

You know how when a celebrity you love does something horrible, and it permanently ruins your view of that person? Like, no matter how hard you try you can’t watch “Lethal Weapon” the same way again because all you see is drunken anti-Semite Mel Gibson calling a female cop Sugar Tits? Well, save for those three stand-out tracks, This is Happening is so damned bad that it may very well stop me from ever enjoying “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House” ever again. Damn. (DFA 2010)

LCD Soundsystem MySpace Page


Me, Myself, and iPod 5/5/10: Lolene must be stopped

esd ipod

Yep, it’s community service week at Me, Myself and iPod, where I launch a full-scale attack on a seemingly innocuous pop singer. What makes this singer so much more offensive than the gaggle of singers just like her? You’ll see.

Oh Mercy – Can’t Fight It
These guys are quickly becoming the house band of Me, Myself and iPod, as this is the second song from their debut album Privileged Woes that we’ve highlighted to date. (You can find the other song, “Lay Everything on Me,” here.) We even interviewed the band’s lead singer Alexander Gow a couple weeks ago. Nice kid, and he’s working with Mitchell Froom on their second record. If the mention of Froom’s name perked up your ears, that’s probably because you like Crowded House, and if you like them, you’ll probably like these guys, too.

The Knocks – Blackout
Fans of Chromeo will dig this retro slice of ’70s funk. If the Trammps were around today, they might sound like this.

The Protomen – Light Up the Night
The synths! The lead singer with a tremolo-laden tenor! The synthetic drums! All this song is missing is a montage of Sylvester Stallone working out in the wilderness as he prepares to dethrone the world champion…something or other.

Justine Bennett – Heavy Feeling
Joni Mitchell covering “Losing My Religion”? Yeah, that’ll work.

Alcoholic Faith Mission – My Eyes to See
Always a tricky thing to put any word referencing booze in your band name – what if one of its members has to go to rehab? – but this nifty little tune sounds like Polyphonic Spree crossed with Sunny Day Sets Fire. Big, catchy, and a little dark.

Hunter Valentine – The Stalker
Girl power! This all-girl trio – from Brooklyn, of course – kicks some serious tail. Plus, they serve as a good antidote to the toxic mess that follows.

Lolene – Rich (Fake It Til You Make It)
And here we…go.

Listen, I know that music is about rebellion, blowing off steam, getting a little crazy, blah blah blah. But look at this chorus:

I talk like I’m rich, I walk like I’m rich
I spend like I’m rich, but I ain’t got no money
I think like I’m rich, I drink like I’m rich
I live like I’m rich / Hey hey, Hollywood
Fake it til I make it, fake it til I make it

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

I know that the kiddos are dazzled by celebrity culture, and how even Asian leprechaun attention whores and New Jersey dropouts can be considered “stars” in some warped definition of the word. But this whole ‘act like you’re rolling in dough’ thing is just irresponsible. So you’re maxing out your credit cards in order to give off the impression that you’re fabulous. I reiterate: you’re putting on a show for people who don’t know you, in the hopes that…what, exactly? Someone will make a star out of you because you’re living the lifestyle? (Not life, mind you, but lifestyle.) What happens when it doesn’t work out? You’re bankrupt, both literally and figuratively.

Here’s the thing, kids: fame ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. It is not the end-all-be-all of life, the ultimate goal. And most of the people who are famous, the movie stars, the athletes, they didn’t make it by faking it – they worked really, really hard to get where they are. They didn’t just try to dazzle the bouncers with charm (and if that doesn’t work, a blowjob) in order to get VIP treatment. Our little friend Lolene here is applying for what I call a Fake Celebrity card, the people who are discussed in gossip mags and arrange photo ops with the paparazzi, but will never be invited to George Clooney’s house, or even attend the same parties he goes to. It’s the Siberia of celebritydom. Who in their right minds would want to live there?

So if I find this so offensive, you ask, why am I offering the song for download? Because, if everyone who wants the song downloads it for free, then she won’t make any money from it, thus forcing her to continue to fake it without ever making it. This song sets a bad example, and there are already too many people who think that your lifestyle is more important than your life. The idea of someone actually becoming famous by writing a song about being desperate for fame, well, this might cause time and space to fold on itself. Time to grow up, kids. Get a job, and join the rest of us in the real world.

The really weird part about all this is that Lolene is British. You’d think she’d have more sense than this. I guess there are fame whores all around the world.


Hole: Nobody’s Daughter

RIYL: Nirvana, Bush, heroin chic

Ten years removed from its last year, it appears that the ’90s nostalgia wave has officially begun. Alice in Chains pulled a shocking comeback last year, and this year will see the reformation of two of the biggest bands of ’90s alt-rock, Stone Temple Pilots and Soundgarden. The question is, what is driving this musical time warp? Is it the counter-culture – if such a thing still exists these days – rejecting the sounds of today, or a simple cash grab by the bands in question? The truth lies somewhere in between, but if we’re being honest, we suspect it’s closer to the latter than the former.


That Hole is releasing an album this year as well is probably more coincidence than opportunistic timing. This is only their fourth album in 19 years, after all, so no one can accuse Courtney Love of having anything resembling a master plan. And goodness knows that she surprised a lot of people when Celebrity Skin hit the post-grunge wasteland in 1998, so with the release of Nobody’s Daughter, one is inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt – to a point, anyway. Sure, the album works here and there, but when Love tries to let loose on songs like “Skinny Little Bitch,” “Loser Dust” and “Samantha,” it is in the most mannered way imaginable. Indeed, her attempts to get snotty in that last song reveal Love trying just a bit too hard to be edgy, with the whole “people like you (fuck!) people like me (fuck!)” refrain. Frances Bean is surely in a corner saying, “Stop it, Mom, you’re embarrassing me.”

The album’s best moments come when Love acts her age. Album closer “Never Go Hungry” is a taut acoustic track – and curiously, the only song she wrote without outside assistance – that fits right in with her earlier work. The album could have used more of those and less songs like Linda Perry’s “Letter to God.” In the end, Nobody’s Daughter is slightly more than what one would expect from Love at this point in her life. Here’s to using diminished expectations to your advantage. (Cherry Forever/Island Def Jam 2010)

Hole MySpace page
Click to buy Nobody’s Daughter from Amazon


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