According to an “exclusive” report from Us Weekly, “American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe recently contacted Courtney Love to see whether she’d be interested in “sitting in as a judge” on the popular Fox phenomenon. It’s likely Lythgoe was only inquiring about a guest-judge stint for Love…but rumors are now swirling that he is considering replacing frequently woozy, slurry-of-speech perma-judge Paula Abdul with the brazen rocker.

These rumors can’t possibly be true — watch this clip for at least a dozen reasons why Courtney Love should never be placed in a position of prominence on a program that draws flocks of preteen girls — but they’re fun to think about, just the same.

Imagine what might happen the first time Simon and Courtney disagree on something: I smell a new product placement segment for Neosporin, Ace Bandages, or Hollywood’s crack (pun intended) EMT squad.

And just imagine Ryan Seacrest trying to say anything to Courtney. Anything at all. You can’t, can you? Because he’d never have the c-c-c-courage. One raised eyebrow from the former Mrs. Cobain, and Ryan dives behind that red Coca-Cola couch, quivering like a Chihuahua.

So, no: Chances are, Paula’s drunken slurring will probably not be replaced with Courtney’s drug-addled babbling any time soon…but it would certainly make for arresting television. Literally.