Say hello to Atlanta rapper Rocko, who has apparently spent years writing, producing and developing major label talent (though curiously, the press release does not name a single one of these artists). He makes his solo debut with a song called, no joke, “Umma Do Me.” The press release goes on to talk about how Rocko is at “the forefront of the new Southern movement in hip-hop where business acumen and consumer awareness reign supreme.”

Scene from the “Umma Do Me” video

Uh huh. So that’s why he spends the entire video throwing Monopoly money at the camera? Or up into the air at the club? Because of his business acumen? Which is it, Rocko, are you a savvy businessman and phony playa, or splashy pimp with no fiscal common sense whatsoever? You can’t have it both ways, dawg. Guys who make it rain in da club are clowns, and eventually, they’re broke clowns. As for consumer awareness, doesn’t that just mean that Rocko knows what sells, and is pandering to the lowest common denominator for a buck? In other words, he doesn’t stand for anything more than making money. That’s not an example of business savvy. It just means he’s willing to whore himself.

Now, let’s talk about the lyrics. I’m no hip-hop scholar, but I’ve heard enough to know that this is lazy, lazy shit.

“I’m from the old school, you’re from the new school / My old school costs more than your new school”
“You really like her, you might wife her / I don’t like her, so I one-night her”
“You in my rear view, yeah, you history / First to second, two seconds, I love a six speed.”

I want to call up Chuck D and read these to him, just to see how angry it makes him. Here it is, bam! Chuck would say, “God damn! This is a wack jam.”

Now for my favorite part: the following line repeats during every chorus:

“Wanna see how’s it done? Watch me do me.”

Is this song an ode to self-love? If he’s doing himself, is that slang for masturbation? Naw, dude, I don’t want to watch you do you.

Ah, but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the comments on the video’s YouTube page (embedding, sadly, is disabled). Check out these gold-star props Rocko has received from his fans:

“nigga killed sayin u might wife her i one night her killin it. do what it do”

“This song is da shit! I just do me all day everyday!!Baby just rep yaself and where you from dont worry bout all des otha haters. they jus bitches”

I, on the other hand, will side with the following comment:

“haha do yaself bra! junior varsity shit nigga”

Enough of this phony gangster bullshit, already. No one’s impressed. Enjoy the moment while it lasts, Rocko, because your moment in the sun will be fleeting and unpleasant. For everyone.

To watch the video, click here.