American Idol: All I See Is Corn

Last night’s “American Idol” auditions were held in Omaha, Nebraska for the first time ever, and it seemed like every other contestant was from some farm in Iowa with a town of 200 people…seriously. Anyway, Paula Abdul’s plane was delayed, so they started with just Randy and Simon judging. And just like last week, Fox gave me an hour of my life back, for which I genuinely thank them.

With that, here were the freaks from last night….

An effeminate dude named Chris started things off, and he carried a photo album with pics of himself and Kelly Clarkson. He also said he was a huge fan of Paula, who, lucky for Paula, wasn’t there yet. Anyway, Chris sang Kelly’s “Since You’ve Been Gone, ” and it was predictably horrible. He then asked if he could audition for the “Red Carpet” for the finale, and Simon took the liberty of giving Chris the gig, saying he just needed to contact his local Fox affiliate and tell them he approved. Hilarious.

Hard to believe, but aside from a medley of freaks singing Steeler’s Wheel’s “Stuck In The Middle With You,” they only showed one other dud last night. (Well, I think they did…our power went out for five minutes). That dud was Johnny, who was dressed in a gold jacket and said he was inspired by the great James Brown. Simon said he hated everything about it, and so did I. Paula, meanwhile, is drunk again! She even hiccupped during Johnny’s audition. Classic.

On to the good ones…

Jason Rich, one of those farm dudes from Iowa, is 21 and had a great voice. He sang a Keith Whitley song…well, he attempted to, but forgot the words like four times. It was painful, because dude really could sing. Finally, magically, the words came out and Jason was allowed to advance. Kid really lucked out and Simon let him know it.

Rachel, who was an arm wrestler, and even wrestled Ryan Seacrest before her audition, was way better than America could have expected. Rachel sang a Lee Ann Womack song, and while she had a really pretty voice, Simon correctly pointed out that Rachel sang like she was a 50-year-old. It’s like she was trying too hard to put a twang in her voice, and it was mildly annoying. Still, there was no denying Rachel’s talent and she made it to Hollywood.

Then for some strange reason, when the power came back on, Paula and Ryan had switched chairs. Paula was doing the pre-interview and Ryan was judging. Their first and only contestant was Samantha, a 22-year-old with almost no personality. Seacrest said she had a good voice but needed more self-confidence. The other judges reluctantly let her through, but I have a feeling Samantha won’t last long in the Hollywood rounds.

There were a few more clips of the good ones that they didn’t fully show, and one was this white kid, I think his name was Michael, who sang Stevie Wonder, and was amazing. I wished I could have seen his full audition.

17-year-old Angelica Puente had a falling out recently with her dad, and moved out of the house. Her audition served two purposes…to get her singing career kick-started and to reunite with her dad. She did both….her version of Celine Dion’s “Power of Love” was awesome (as awesome as a Celine song can be) and even though the judges thought there was too much “mimicry,” Angelica’s pure talent got her in. She then had Ryan call her dad, who said he was proud. Awwww.

David Cook, a 24-year-old rocker from Tulsa, was in the Chris Daughtry vein….and sang Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer.” He was really good, but I think might not have enough star personality, at least not yet.

Finally, there was Leo Marlowe, another of the farm boys from Iowa, who said something like his mom called him a “homecoming queen.” You had to think ol’ Leo would suck, but he was really talented.
Paula, back to her old drunk self, put her arms up and declared it a “Touchdown!” I’m glad she’s back.

Tonight’s auditions are from Miami, where I’m sure the Latin references will be abundant. Folks, there are a few things that I find extremely annoying…among them are Gloria Estefan, who I’m sure will be referenced about 100 times tonight. Among those other things are anything French, Robin Williams, and the Dallas Cowboys (go Giants!).

See you all tomorrow…

  

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