YouTube Video Vault: Squeeze, “Hourglass”

Okay, it’s by no means their best single, but it’s a damn fine one just the same, and the video is a certifiable hoot. My favorite part was the birth-school-work-death sequence in the second chorus (hmmm, that gives me an idea for a future installment). But what was with Jools Holland’s makeup?

Bad holiday treats for you

OK everyone, back to work! Christmas is ovah! What? I’m the only one here? Ah well, I have gathered together for you three fine clips of some of the worst musical crap you’re ever to likely see or hear! First up, it’s a terrible band tackling a terrible song – Europe’s “The Final Countdown.” Dig that Casio! Dig those vocals!

Next up it’s a band doing some godawful original noise. The first couple minutes of setting up their gear is skippable, but once they get going, look out! Who knew that a trombone could be tortured in such a way? Is this what our tax dollars are going towards? Gimme back my moolah!

If you’ve made it this far, congrats! (And if you’re clicking on this one first, shame on you.) Lastly, we have Jan Terri’s infamously crappy song and video “Lose Tonight.” I first saw this terror on one of the great TV Carnage DVDs, but it’s also online for so many more millions of people to enjoy. So enjoy it! Happy ongoing holidaze!

If you’re a cheapskate like me…

…then you’re also one of those people who generally waits until immediately after Christmas to pick up their Christmas music. I mean, after all, it’s invariably on sale, y’know? Anyway, here are two suggestions to keep an eye out for:

Christmas with Dino: Thirteen classic Christmas songs as interpreted by that little ol’ wine drinker him. But what’s this? There are actually seventeen tracks…? That’s because the album is filled out by three bonus alternate versions of “Winter Wonderland,” “White Christmas,” and “Let It Show! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” Okay, Mr. Mathematician, so you noticed we’re still one track short. Well, trust me, you’re better off skipping the first song; it’s a newly-created “duet” between Dean Martin and Martin McBride, and while Dean’s buddy Frank managed to do two albums worth of duets without actually sharing a studio with any of his collaborators, at least Frank was still among the living. This thing is just tacky.

Christmas with the Rat Pack: But, hey, as long as we’re bringing Frank into this, let’s head into this collection of material by Sinatra, Martin, and Sammy Davis, Jr.. It’s 21 tracks, with one of them previously unreleased: Sammy’s “Christmas Time All Over The World.” Funny how there’s nothing here by Peter Lawford or Joey Bishop. Actually, no, it isn’t, come to think of it. (Have you ever heard those guys sing…?)

Happy birthday, Jesus; hope you like crap!

Now you, too, can understand why Norm Macdonald’s “Weekend Update” joke was so funny:

Merry Christmas, everyone

My gift to you: the video for Billy Joel’s “She’s Right On Time.”


Read the rest after the jump...

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