Artists I can do without – Bruce Springsteen

What did Bruce Springsteen ever do for me? Nothing. And he will continue to do so. His music may speak to a ton of blue collar grease monkeys revving it up on the ave. to impress some beehive coiffed mama with an archaic name, but it only puts me to sleep. I’ve tried to “get into” the guy a few times, but it’s pointless. The first time was when Born In The U.S.A. was released. I was 11 or 12 years old then and the video for “Dancing In The Dark” was getting heavy rotation on such shows as “Radio 1990,” “Night Flight,” and “Friday Night Videos.” Yeah, our cable company didn’t carry MTV at the time, so I had to make do with whatever music shows were on USA or NBC. Anyway, I liked that song enough to ask for the album for Christmas. And so I got it. And so I thought the rest was shit. Tracks like “Darlington County,” “I’m Goin’ Down,” and “I’m On Fire” really made me want to go out and hurt someone. That last tune is one I often like to sing, along with Styx’s “Don’t Let It End” and Don McLean’s “American Pie” when I really want to annoy everyone.

I wound up giving that gift away, and didn’t look back. I got older and thought maybe I needed to rediscover Bruce. So I went out and bought the shitty first album and the so-so second one. I still couldn’t do it. God, he sucked. Why had I fooled myself into thinking this dude was going to interest me in the slightest? His lyrics are so goddamned epicly cornball and the music is the aural equivalent of cock stroking at its most ridiculous. And guesss what? My ears have never been to Nebraska nor were they Born To Run. And they never will. This is cigarette packs rolled up in your sleeve with your hair greased back music and it’s not even that because it just wants to be that and therefore sucks big pipe. Bruce, I hate your crummy music and couldn’t care less if you play 4 hour shows. Losing bits of my life to your songs is not at all entertainment.


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